Waking up a 4 am

This won't be a poignant post. I'm so tired and so jittery that I hardly can make sense of my thoughts. I woke up at 4 am with the realization that our previous agency has not sent any of our paperwork (fingerprints, sealed birth certificates) to the new agency. They have a copy of our homestudy, but the fingerprints are what I'm most worried about. That could prevent the adoption, couldn't it? I got up at 4 and emailed everyone I ever talked to at the old agency. They told us previously that they'd send whatever we need wherever we needed it, so I'm taking some comfort in that, but I really need people to be open and awake and ready for business whenever I need them :) They'll overnight all that stuff to the new agency, won't they? Please say yes! :)

I had a not so minor melt down last night. I had everything packed beautifully. The baby's suitcase was really packed tight so that the gifts for A and her boys won't get smashed. My husband wisely asked if we need to even pack diapers and formula because it'd be easier to not carry them with us and just buy them there. And it would leave room to pack the camera in the suitcase. You would've thought he asked me to walk to Salt Lake City; I just lost it! Looking back, obviously it's because of all the changes that took place yesterday and continue to take place today. I'm thrilled to be able to stay home with our kids. It's going to be a definite lifestyle adjustment for us, but it's important to me, so it's worth it. But, though I've struggled with the administration at work, I adore my kids and I adore what I do. I've done it since I came out of college, and I'm not sure yet who I am without those girls. I know, though, that once I hold my own girl, I'll know I made the right decision, but it's a tougher transition than I imagined. And we're on the cusp of possibly the biggest event in our lives. In 24 hours, we'll be on a plane to meet the woman who may give us the baby who is already being a stinker and trying to come out too early:) I didn't really care about the stupid suitcase, but it triggered a melt down that was a few days in the making....plus, it really was packed nicely. :)

Today I'm cleaning the house and doing a tiny bit of laundry. I'm going to finish packing (AGAIN!....grrr...maybe it was about the suitcase! :) ) and I have to go to the bank to get the money figured out. And that's it. I'm ready to go. How scary!!!!