Going CRAZY

The only new news is that no hospital has any record of Amanda yet. Our agency called just this morning and still nothing. Is that good news? I have no idea. It could mean that she hasn't gone into labor yet. It could mean she's not even in the state anymore. It could mean she gave birth a month ago. It could mean I might need a straight jacket soon.
My mom called last night and all I heard was her voice and I totally lost it. Why? Who knows. Because I'm turning into a crazy person, that's why. I go from total rage into complete despair into feeling hopeful because there's no WAY this woman can parent a child and she was the first person to admit it. CRAZY...that's me.

I know now why adoption agencies can charge $30,000 for babies. It's because you get to this point where you don't care what the cost is. They are able to get away with that because people like me get so desperate that they'll pay whatever it takes to whoever tells them they can get them a baby. Take out a loan? okay. Second mortage? sure. Just give me a baby and nobody gets hurt.

Yep, I'm nuts. How much longer?