Homesick

Isn't it weird to feel like you miss something you don't yet have? I don't know if the baby due in a week is meant for us, but I do know that our baby is out there somewhere. I think the worst part of all of this is the longing for a baby who may or may not already be conceived. Our baby might be out there right now giving his/her birthmom little kicks. He/She may be days away from birth or may be newly conceived.
I was ALWAYS the kid at summer camp who missed home. I love being at home. I hate leaving for work some mornings because I feel homesick. Yes, I'm a grown woman:) I feel that way about our baby. My heart and my arms seriously ache at times. I want to hold my child. I wish I could be the one to keep him/her warm and safe in utero. I hate that our future child may be subjected to drugs in the womb. When I was trying to get pregnant, I didn't even want to get too close to the gas pump because I didn't want to inhale the fumes.
I have moments where I want to scream at the complete injustice.

This post is quite a downer. I'll end with an upbeat note...I have a piece of Ghirardelli chocolate hiding in my desk. I'm going to eat it right now! :)