Changing the tone...

Whew! Three posts in one day:) I don't want the yuckiness of the last post to be the last thing here. SO...in honor of changing the tone of today's blogging, I'm going to post ten things I love/am thankful for. And I want YOU to leave a comment where you do the same. Okay, you don't have to do ten, but leave something. This is very Pollyanna of me, but I am a fixer and a pleaser and I don't want to spend the rest of the night thinking my blog is negative! :)
Here it goes:
1. SPRING! I love the flowers blooming and all the green and new life.
2. Raspberry and chocolate swirl ice cream. Yes, it's a little bit of heaven. Yum.
3. All my blog pals. You guys have been so incredible! Lily has gotten well-wishes and cards and gifts send from my pals online. You have no idea what that means to us! It's amazing to have people reach out to you over so much distance.
4. Dancing with the Stars. This is my greatest weakness. I love it so much. It makes me think that I, too, will one day achieve ballroom dancing greatness. Don't ruin my dream whatever you do!
5. Mexico. I love the Mayan Riviera. We've been there three times and are totally in love with the area. It's gorgeous.
6. Lily's feet. They are the chubbiest, cutest things you've ever seen. Her toes look like tiny, perfect circles on top of little fat feet. I kiss them probably fifty times a day.
7. My husband plays the guitar. Lily and I like to listen to him.
8. My husband, in general. For Mother's Day, he had Lily's hand and (so chubby!) footprints pressed into pink clay and framed next to her newborn picture. We didn't get her hospital prints because they're idiots (not negativity!!!), and him doing this all on his own means the world to me. He also got me a gift certificate for a massage, and I can't WAIT to do that! I know how lucky I am to have him! I love him so much, but I also really like him! :)
9. My mom. She is the greatest role model. If I can be half the mom to Lily that she's been to me, I'll be a success.
10. Lily's birthmom. I will forever love her and be so thankful for the amazing gift she has given us. I'm sure it would've been easier for her to have an abortion, especially in the circumstances in which Lily was born, but she chose to give her life. And she chose us to be her parents. What a beautiful, awesome thing that I found my daughter across all the miles! It's truly a miracle.

Okay, your turn!! :) I'm excited to read what you post! :)

Mean-ness **updates**

To the anonymous poster who is praying I'll get rid of my bitterness, what a horrible thing to say. I don't believe I'm bitter. I know how lucky and blessed I am. I love my girl more than you could imagine, but I still am dealing with issues related to adoption and infertility. That's normal. Please don't post mean comments on my blog; it's totally unnecessary.

**This has been eating at me all day long. Thank you for the support I've gotten from some, and I really am hurt by the reaction of others. The fact that I feel I'm being critized for posting only negative things ever since bringing Lily home breaks my heart. I wish you could understand how much I love this baby. Just because I have her now doesn't mean that I don't know what it's like to hurt. Comments along the lines of not understanding why I have any negative thoughts now that I have a child are ridiculous. I feel very strongly about still wanting to connect with women who I've become friends with who are still dealing with infertility. I feel like I'd be insensitive and mean if I posted every day about how wonderful my life is (which it is) and how happy I am to finally be through with waiting for a child when so many of the people who read and interact with me through the blog are still in that horrible wait time. This blog, as I have said many times before, is for me to express my feelings. I want to be able to discuss issues regarding adoption, hence my post about dealing with post placement and my post about how we were treated at the hospital.

Let me say this to those who feel confused that I only post negative things. I adore my daughter. I thank God for her about a million times during the day. Sometimes at night when I come down to feed her, it brings tears to my eyes that she quiets her crying because she knows it's me and she knows I'm going to take care of her. I am in awe of everything she does, and it bothers me that there are people out there in the internet world who read this blog and want to criticize me. It hurts my feelings, and I know my skin is thin, but give me a break. Don't tell me how lucky I am and that I should count my blessings (I erased that comment) because I know that. Being a parent is amazing, but it doesn't mean your life is perfect. As I said, I want this to be a place where I can communicate with other people going through similar things. It kills me to think that I may be projecting the idea that I'm not happy and that I'm bitter. Those of you who know me better know that is the farthest thing from the truth.

I don't have anything else to say right now, but this is still not sitting well with me. It's really easy on the internet to criticize and critique people you aren't face to face with. I hate internet drama, and I don't want to add to it by making this into something bigger than it should be, but on the other hand, I don't want to not be able to express myself on my own blog.

Pretty Girl

I really didn't want to do a Mother's Day post. It's been the absolute worst day of the year for me until this year, and I feel like I need to be so careful about expressing too much happiness about being a mom on this blog. Isn't that strange? I know many of my blog pals are still "expectant" moms, and I would rather do anything in the world than make any of them feel bad. But, I had to post these pictures. We got Lily's first official smile on camera on Mother's Day. What a complete blessing. I feel like, if nothing else, I want this picture to reaffirm for anyone who is still in the wait, whether it's for a match or for another round of Clomid or your first cycle of IVF, that it is all so worth it. You will be a mom; you just may not know yet how it will happen. I know it's totally cliche, but two months ago I was in the worst emotional pain I've ever experienced. And now, only two months later, I look back and think, "Hmm...that wasn't so bad." :) Everything I went through was worth it to get her. Look at that face. She's our miracle.