What Am I Doing Here?

I'm not a writer. I read about a million blogs online dealing with infertility, adoption, etc. and I feel like this may be a great way to join the community of women dealing with such tough issues. It may also serve as a kind of therapy, which I believe I am in great need of...so does my husband, God bless him.

A brief history: We didn't struggle for long with the decision to adopt. We didn't pursue any real fertility treatment because we were told it wasn't likely to be successful. I truly felt led to adopt, like our baby is out there for us somewhere. However, this waiting is just about killing me. I'm a total control freak, and I have serious issues with sitting here waiting on people to find our baby and create a family for us. It's not their life; the people who run the adoption system, I have found, are quite flighty and SLOW. It's a painful process. I used to be terrified of child birth, and now I would welcome that pain if it meant this emotional mess would be over.

I swear not all of my posts will be this bleak...hopefully :)