a little girl...

This has been the craziest night of my life. You all are just amazing. I truly sat here reading all the messages with tears rolling down my face. Just six months ago, I felt so alone and so unsure of where to turn. Not that all is figured out, but I never feel alone anymore. You have no idea how it feels to know that at one certain second of the day, there are women all over the country thinking of and praying for you. I got messages from so many of you right near 6 just lending support. You guys have no idea how much that has meant to me.

Our talk with A was unreal. I am so glad we did it. She is warm and funny. I won't go too much into her background, but I will say that she seems very sure that this is right for her. She has an excellent support system. She wants to meet us, so I think we're going to be flying out either Fri. or Sat. to have dinner with her before the baby is born. She was so complimentary. She said when she saw our profile, she felt like she could see who were are by looking into our eyes. So many people told me that you'll have no idea why a mom may choose you, and it's true. She said what first drew her to us was that my husband plays guitar and that she felt like she knew us when she saw us.

She's in Utah, which is about 22 hours in a car from here, so I guess we'll be flying. Any tips on finding good fares this late? It's funny that after spending 20k on an adoption, we're kicking and screaming over plane fares:) We have to stay in Utah for up to 2 weeks for ICPC to go through, and that worries me financially, too, but for now, I'm just going to be excited. I don't want to count chickens or anything, but for my own mental health, I need to spend at least one day feeling like I may have a baby on the way. I know that may be unpopular in certain adoption circles, and I am well aware that this baby isn't mind until A signs the papers. But, the hope and possibility makes me so happy. Knowing that odds are I'll be a mommy a week from Tues. makes me nuts with joy. For tonight, I'm putting away the worry and the "what ifs" and I'm being excited...and tomorrow, I'm buying a tiny, frilly, pink outfit. If it doesn't work out, a pink outfit won't be what sends me over the edge:)

I know there must be more, but I'm sleepy. Thank you all for being my blog pals:) We'll chat tomorrow...Sleep well!

Oh my...

it's a match!!! :) I'm going to post more later tonight, but for now I need to figure out how the heck I'm going to get across the country in a week. :) Thank you for the support, and please say a special prayer for our expectant mom. She is as sweet as can be. More soon.

2 more minutes until 6

I'm on Eastern time:) I've had some inquiries:) I'm so freakin nervous, you guys!

TONIGHT!!!

Our conference call is set for 6:00 tonight. Send good thoughts, say prayers, cross your eyes, toes, fingers, whatever:)
We're the only couple she wants to talk with; so if all goes well, it seems like we'll be matched and the induction is set for Monday, April 2. You guys, I can hardly stand it. I didn't sleep last night. I'm so excited, but I also am so afraid to go through what we've just come through again. But, adoption is a scary thing. It's not for the faint of heart; it's for all of us tough girls who kick infertility butt! :)
Our consultant has been fantastic and gave us some great tips about talking tonight. I'm really excited, and I know that I'll cherish this time talking with her if the match goes through. She wants a totally closed adoption, which makes me a little sad. I hope that by talking to us, she'll decide to open up at least a little. I'd like to at least be able to send her pictures so she can see how beautiful her daughter will be. I'm getting ahead of myself...
I'm sooooo nervous......!!!!!!

***Edit: I love you girls so much. You are the sweetest, kindest, most wonderful women I could imagine. I will definitely post tonight as soon as I can. And yes, GL, the baby is a little girl :)***