Adoption News and Blog Changes

I am the worst for just leaving everything hanging yesterday, I know it. But, I had yet to sign a contract and didn't want to jump the gun before blabbing away. Contract is signed, and I am so excited to write about this. I am going to begin by saying that this is the ONE time I will blog about this because this is my personal space to vent and express my feelings about life, parenting, IF, adoption, etc. I don't want this blog to ever be seen as a solicitation for business. This is not a professional business blog; it's just mine in all it's glory or lack thereof:)

Having given that disclaimer, I am beginning work immediately with Christian Adoption Consultants as an adoption consultant for couples wanting to adopt domestically. They are the company we used to help us adopt Lily. Basically, they walk you through the adoption process step by step (finding multiple ethical agencies who do not ask for a great deal of money up front, getting your profile created, holding your hand through birth family calls and the scary waiting periods, etc.)and help you do it as quickly, as economically, and as ethically as possible. You all know we adopted Lily in six months start to finish - including our homestudy and a failed match. It was ridiculously quick (though I'll say it didn't feel like it at the time.) And you know I've been kind of looking for some part time work, so when I started talking to the owner and we started talking about the possibility of me doing consulting for them and with couples who sign up with them, it immediately felt right.
It's like my great blog pal, Jess, said to me in an email earlier: adoption just sort of winds itself into your heart. It's so much more to me than just the way we created our family. To be able to work to help other people find the babies they have longed for for so long and to be able to show couples that there is a MUCH better way than to just sit for years on a waiting list is a dream come true. I feel so lucky to get to be able to do this from HOME so that I can still be with my crazy girl during the day is incredible. And like I said, I do NOT in any way want this blog to become a blog about my consulting. But, I can't say enough about our experience adopting Lily. I can't say enough about how kind our agency was to us and how ethically they treated Autumn, so this is my ONE and only post about this, but if you want more information please feel free at any time to leave your email in the comment section here. I will delete the comment to protect your privacy.

So, there's that. In THIS blog's news, I'm pretty sure I'm going to go PWP in the very, very near future. I may even move to WordPress just so I can choose which posts are protected and which aren't. Again, I really want to be able to keep this blog for me, so I am thinking due to my google searches lately and now with me working in the adoption field, I may need a bit more privacy here. Promise you'll come along if I move:)

Funny Girl

Why WOULDN'T you wear your pants on your head is the better question. :) This child makes me laugh so often.

Remember awhile back when I posted about wanting a part time job? Well, I have something adoption-related sort of in the works. I am beyond thrilled about it, and I want to just write and write about it, but I can't just yet. Aren't I so mean to leave you hanging like that? Tomorrow I will probably be able to openly discuss it...and actually I will probably only discuss it once on this blog because I want to keep this blog for my own personal use. I'll probably develop a professional blog also. But, this is a huge part of my life right now, so I want to be able to post about it, but then after I do post about it, I don't want it to seem like I'm soliciting business. So, enough about that for now. I will definitely post about it tomorrow once all my ducks are in a row.

Also, I did the stupidest thing ever today. I was printing some stuff of and had the arm of the printer tray down. I hit it with my face and you wouldn't think it would hurt and burn as badly as it does. I have little scratches on my eyelid and under it. And we're going to a wedding this weekend. Figures, doesn't it? The only real fancy night out I've had in hmmm....well, a dang long time and I have to have a scratched up face. I'm nothing but classy. :)

A Lesson

We took Lily to PetSmart (our version of an indoor zoo:)  It was FAR too hot to take her to the actual zoo) on Sunday.  She loves looking at the animals.  We were walking around and spotting this woman with the tiniest, sweetest puppy ever, so naturally, I had to go over for a closer look.  The man she was with was African American, and the second we got closer to him he said, "Is she mixed?"  And pointed at Lily.  It's the first time anyone has ever asked me.  I told him that she is, and he did this hugely exaggerated look first at me and then at my husband.  We are clearly Caucasian.  It put me immediately on the defensive.  I could feel myself bristling and getting ready to have to stand up for my family and who we are.  I said, "She was adopted."  Heavy accent on the WAS.  It WAS a one time thing.  She is currently just our daughter.  Here I am all ready to defend us and our transracial adoption and then he said, "I wondered if she was.  I was adopted, too."  

Shame on me.  I was so quick to get defensive that I almost missed a really cool conversation with a guy who had grown up as a transracial adoptee.  I know that after dealing with IF and now being an adoptive mom, at times I feel like my decisions are being second guessed or the choices I've made regarding creating a family are being judged, but I think probably 99% of the time, people are just curious.  Or they're in the same boat or know someone who has been in a similar situation.  Or maybe they just like to see happy families, so the looks and the smiles are just in appreciation of our happiness and our beautiful daughter. In my haste to put someone judging us into his place, I became the one who was far too quick to judge.  I need to do better with giving people the benefit of the doubt.  Lesson hopefully learned.  Or at least well on its way! :)

Go Get a Frosty!

We're going to be out of town this weekend visiting family, so unless something earth shattering happens that I cannot contain myself about, this'll be my last post until Monday:) But I had to remind you to go to Wendy's this weekend and get a Frosty!! They're super yummy PLUS the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is amazing and this weekend, they donate 50 cents from every Frosty purchase to the Foundation. It's a wonderful and yummy cause, so spread the word! Happy Father's Day to all the daddies and someday daddies out there! :)

Honesty **with updates

I had a kind of heart stopping moment today. I was playing with Lily (we just bought her her very first baby doll and she is so in love with it! She hugs it and says, "Bah-beee" (baby) - it's really the cutest thing ever), and it hit me that she has no clue that I didn't give birth to her. I mean, obviously, she doesn't get any of that yet, but for some reason it nearly stopped my heart because she doesn't know yet. It almost brought tears to my eyes because I had a moment of sheer understanding of why people don't tell children they're adopted. Please, PLEASE don't get me wrong - we are so proud to be a family through adoption and there is absolutely no chance of that happening here nor do I want it to, but I felt in that split second grief that she didn't come from me. Does that make any sense? Obviously, if I had given birth to her, she wouldn't be who she is - and obviously, I wouldn't change even one thing, but I can't describe any better the feeling of sadness that came over me. And it really was just for that second - I rarely even think of her being adopted - it's just the way our family was made. She is my daughter and that's the end of it, but I wish I could put into words what I felt. Maybe I'm not alone here and someone can say it better than I could.

When I'm really 100% honest with myself and here on this blog, as comfortable as I am with adoption and how proud I am to be a mommy through adoption, I have moments of panic. I feel very vulnerable even writing that here, but it's true. I have moments of worry that I won't tell her about her adoption the right way. How do you begin introducing it? We have "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born," and she has a lifebook...are those the places to start? And my greatest fear is that she will resent it. I know that's silly and not worth even giving ideas like that my time, but I can't help it. I know the statistics; I know there are some adoptees who struggle with being adopted. I have moments where I wish it was just easy. I wish I was just her mom and that I didn't have to worry about telling her she was placed because you know no matter how well you tell it, there will be some grief on her part. And I'm ready for that and okay with it, but it's still hard. And I am terrified - absolutely terrified that she won't see me as her mom. I hate even typing that, but when I'm 100% honest, it's a real fear of mine. I know I need to get over it, but I love her so much that I can't even imagne something like that. I think, though, that all moms - no matter how they became moms - feel that way.

Man, this is a rough post, and I really hope it came out the right way, but like I said, I have needed to vent and a safe place to express some difficult feelings, so here they are. Lucky you guys, right? :) I promise I'll ease the pain of this one with a picture post or something equally cute tomorrow:) I'm really nervous to hit publish because I feel like some of things I've said here may not come out right. Give me the benefit of the doubt and be kind, okay? :)

***I've found it! Gretchen put it perfectly in the first comment. It's overwhelming to think about the potential for grief and pain in our children. But you know what? That's true for ANY parent and ANY child. Thanks for helping me find the words, Gretchen! :)

Call to our agency

I called the post placement office today just to check on Autumn. She's really been on my mind since Lily's birthday. I know I've said earlier, but I really hoped to hear from her around Lily's birthday. I know she's got to do what's best for her, but I had hoped. Our post placement office hasn't heard from her lately, either. That kills me. I know they'll check on her and see if she wants the latest packet, and I know they'll keep trying, but I'm really sad about it right now. I know open adoption is a case by case thing - it's best for some families and for some birth moms. But, I have times where I really wish we were more open. As I said, Autumn has to do what's best for her family, but it's so hard to have shared something so enormous - the biggest thing I've ever done in my life and to have this amazing, gorgeous little girl whom I am so proud of - I would love to just tell her myself how amazing Lily. I wish I could tell her how funny and smart and beautiful she is. I want her to know how happy Lily is and how happy she has made us. It makes me want to cry.
I know it's still very early and that eventually she may contact us. But, it's funny how many days I still go to the mailbox hoping to hear something from her. Originally, she said she'd write as soon as she got home. But, I know getting home and getting back to her boys, she had to cope the best way she could. If you're a pray-er, please say one tonight for her. :)

Juno (spoilers)

I know I'm probably the last person in the infertility/adoption community to see this movie, but I've finally seen it! To be honest, I was really nervous about it. I'm sensitive to how adoption is portrayed, how birth families are portrayed, etc. that I was sure I'd hate it. I also heard that Jennifer Garner's portrayal of an adoptive mother was a bit over the top. I completely disagree. She was anxious and a bit clingy and wired, but I felt that way many times. And if I could've touched Autumn's belly to feel Lily kick, I totally would've! :)

Things I appreciated:
*Juno's humor. Not adoption or infertility related, but dang funny. I laughed out loud more than once.
*The fact that knowing the baby had fingernails made her rethink an abortion. Sometimes it really is the little things that move us.
*The truth of the martial tension between the adoptive couple. Not that we all have such differences, but the reality of many infertile situations includes some marital stress. Again, they ended up being on totally different wavelengths, but you know what they'd been through contributed. And it was heartbreaking hearing her talk about not having a baby shower because of the previous disappointment they'd suffered. BEEN THERE.
*The symbolism of the note Juno left being hung in a frame in the baby's room. It was where the "perfect" family picture was supposed to go. Sometimes our families aren't created the way we think they should be. Vanessa (the adoptive mother) ended up on her own with the baby, but her husband wasn't ready. You can't force anyone into adoption or into being ready for parenthood. I was so afraid he was going to "take one look" at the baby and then want to be a father. I was ready to be mad about that:)
*Juno's tears in the hospital. It was real. She was committed to the adoption. And I love that her father tells her she'll be back there someday on her own terms. But, it still hurt.

**Update: I just did some research and found that many birth families didn't like this movie at all. Now I feel guilty for posting so many positives about it. I guess my perspective is obviously different, but I didn't take it as really trivializing what Juno went through (the hospital scene in particular - this was a young woman who had shown no emotion in regard to placing. Autumn was like this with us. But, at actually going through with the placement, though she had no regrets, she was sad and did grieve.) I do wish that they would've shown more about the after effects. There's no way Juno would just go on about her merry way without ever thinking of the baby. Even though we haven't heard from Autumn, I know there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think of Lily. And I know most birth mothers now don't want a closed adoption. But, again, I'm looking at it from our situation and in our situation, Autumn has chosen a closed situation. That wasn't something I wanted. Oh gosh, now I'm all nervous. Should I take this post down? I'm freaked.

One Year Ago Tonight

I was terrified of what the morning might bring.

I was touched more than I thought possible by a young woman struggling to provide for the two children she was parenting and to make the best decision possible for her, her boys, and the child she was carrying.

I was moved to tears to hear her speak of her love for the baby growing inside her about to be born and how when she saw our profile, she felt we were meant to be the baby's parents.

I wanted so badly to be excited about the impending birth of Autumn's baby, but I couldn't get over the nerves. We had just experienced such a heart-wrenching failed match, and I couldn't allow myself to feel excited. Plus, I knew the baby was still Autumn's until she signed revocation papers.

My husband and I went exploring Salt Lake City, Utah to try to get our minds off what was happening. It didn't work:)

We bought Autumn and Lily matching stuffed bunnies (it was the weekend before Easter). Since then, we've taken Lily's picture with her bunny so Autumn can watch her grow.

I didn't know the beautiful girl growing inside our amazing birthmom's tummy. I didn't know she'd have curly hair and enormous eyes. I didn't know she would have the chubbiest, most kissable cheeks I'd ever seen. I didn't know she would LOVE to be swaddled and sang to. I didn't know her first word would be "HI" whenever she saw me come in the room. I didn't know she'd love bananas and hate peas so much that her entire body would shiver when I tried to feed them to her. I had no idea her tiny nose would crinkle when she smiles and that her laugh would make me laugh no matter what. I didn't know she'd love her bath, but hate having her hair washed. I didn't know she'd suck her thumb when she gets sleepy. And love to be rocked to sleep and pat my back while I pat hers. :)

I knew I would love whatever baby came to me no matter how he or she came to me. But, I didn't know it would be this much. I remember praying one year ago tonight with my whole heart for Autumn and for her baby about to be born. And tonight, I pray again with my whole heart for Autumn. I thank her and God for my beautiful daughter who brings joy and laughter and so much love to every single day. I've shed a few tears in the writing of this post, which is only fitting. I'm pretty sure I shed a few a year ago, too:)

Good news all around! :)

In the mail today: a check for $400.97 from the hospital in Salt Lake City. Nearly a year later, but still cash in our pocket all the same. I'll again praise our fantastic agency for their support, not only during our adoption and post placement, but in this situation a year after their duties are technically over. I'll also say again to anyone reading who is considering adoption and isn't sure which agency to choose, leave your email address in a comment because I can't say enough about our agency.

Second, I got news about Baby L whom I wrote about last week. He has successfully undergone two surgeries at Johns Hopkins and is doing very well. His amazing parents are doing very well, too, and are very optimistic about his prognosis. Thank you for your prayers and support for him.

Third, it is GORGEOUS here today. Lily and I just spent an hour sitting on a blanket in our front yard watching the cars go by. That may not have seemed too exciting to me a year ago, but now just being outside sitting on a blanket with my baby was one of the most peaceful yet energizing things I could've spend an afternoon doing. We have tulips coming up in our yard and all is right with the world:)

Hospital Woes

You may recall way back when after Lily's birth how difficult our experience was with the hospital where she was born. We were treated very badly by the hospital staff (they wouldn't let us see her because we weren't her "parents" even though the papers had been signed, they didn't give us any of the freebies they give other moms, they wouldn't dismiss Lily from the hospital until all of their "mothers" had been checked out...so many things happened that I don't even want to get started again because it makes me crazy to even think of it again) and a month or two after her birth, we were double charged for her birth. Now, our agency requires that you pay every single bit of the medical bills before you leave the state. I have receipts. Everything was paid for. Our insurance company was also billed and they ended up picking up Lily's portion of the hospital bill, so EIGHT months ago, we should've gotten nearly $450 back from the hospital. We weren't told that. Instead, in November, the hospital called us telling us we were about to be turned over to a collection agency because we hadn't paid our bill. WHAT? Um...you mean all the receipts I have in my possession appeared out of thin air? So, we've been in touch with the agency and with the hospital. The hospital emailed me in Jan. telling me they had everything figured out and that our check would be arriving. It's now mid March. I've emailed and called until I'm blue in the face and our contact says her hands are tied. As a credit to our fantastic agency, they are furious and are doing all they can to help us. How can this happen? If they have admitted, in writing, that they owe us money, how do we not have the check yet? We're considering contacting a lawyer, but that would probably cost nearly what we're owed. And it's really not about the money. Heaven knows, that's a drop in the bucket after what the adoption ended up costing, but it's the principle of the thing. We had to pay every single cent before we were cleared to return home. We were treated horribly and this is just the icing on the cake. Truly there's a part of me that wants to sue the pants off of them for this. Maybe they could pick up the entire tab for our next adoption. :) Excuse the vent, but after speaking yet again to our agency contact, I'm beyond frustrated with this. THIS is why our health care system needs overhauled!!! ***stepping off soap box now***

Post Placement Letters...yet again

**Update - I appreciate so much every single comment of support, but I want to say a special thank you to Linda for her perspective as a birth mom. It means so much to me to get that point of view. Thanks! :)

I agonize over every single aspect of the post placement packets we sent Autumn. They kill me. I choose each picture so carefully - do I include pictures of us with Lily? What about pictures of her with Santa? Would that make Autumn sad or glad to see that we took her to see Santa? What about pictures of her with other family members?
And then there is the letter. Do I say she's the happiest baby I've ever seen? Would she be glad to know that or sad that she can't experience it? Do I just stick to the basics? She's 25 pounds, 30 inches and loves applesauce and oatmeal? I got tears in my eyes just now typing that. How can I sum up in a few lines what this child is all about? It hurts me a little bit that I know more about her than the woman does who carried her for nine months and gave her the awesome gift of life. I wonder if that bothers Autumn, too. Does she resent that I'm the one telling her about Lily? But then, I am her mother. I do know her better than anyone else. I don't feel bad about that, but I do feel a little guilty writing a light-hearted letter than runs down her vital statistics and closes with a "take care" or "hope you guys are well." I have no idea what she's going through - if she's happy or if these letters even get read. They might get put in a drawer or a closet somewhere for a later date. This is something I never thought I would crave so badly - I want to know that she's okay. I wish I could see her face when she sees the gorgeous, happy, drooly girl that I love so much. It makes me want an open adoption so much - but I know it's her decision. She needs to do what is best for her and her family. All I can do is honor her by being the best mom I can be to our girl and keep praying for Autumn and her family.

"Mom Wannabe"

Mel posted today about this upcoming call for guests to be on Tyra Banks' upcoming show called "Mom Wannabe." I am beyond sickened by this:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?
Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW. (source: http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/beontheshow/mom_wannabe.html)

Are you kidding me? "unvoiced jealousy?" How dare anyone try to tell any woman who has experienced infertility that she needs to "stop the emotional...stress on her body?" This is appalling. I filled out the submission form, and I have no idea if anyone will read it, but there was no way I could let this go without saying something. Is there anything else that can be done? Contacting Warner Bros. maybe? If anyone comes up with anything, keep me in the loop. This is just disgusting.

HUGE congratulations to Melissa! :)

Melissa (Amazing Journey) , who is my adoption guru and who is a woman of incredible faith, has expanded her lovely family. They have just welcomed sweet baby Caibry Faith! She is such a little beauty! Go on over and congratulate her!

Long time coming

This is a post I've saved and edited and reworked about a million times. I've wanted to post it and then felt like it wasn't articulate. And that it didn't capture the intensity of the emotion I feel. I know now that there's no way to really capture the intensity of emotion - especially when it comes to infertility, adoption, parenting, etc, so I'm just going to post this and let it go.

There are times I look at Lily and my heart literally feels like it could burst. I am sometimes overpowered by the knowledge that she is my daughter. It takes my breath away and makes me wonder how in the world I could be so blessed to feel so much love for any other person. Being a parent is truly unparallelled. You love with such fierceness -something never experienced in any other relationship. Sometimes when I feel this, though, I instantly think of Autumn. I get to kiss Lily's soft baby cheeks, smooth her curly head, and feel her tiny fingers curling around mine, and there is a sense of sadness and maybe even guilt because I know Autumn must have moments where she would give anything to feel Lily's little head against her chest.

Please don't misunderstand - our adoption was one of the good ones. It was a circumstance where Autumn was very, very certain that she could not parent Lily. I don't want to go into detail more than I have already on this blog, but I know with certainty that Autumn was secure in her decision to place. She had no regrets and told us more than once that she felt God meant Lily for us. Even so, I know she must think of her daily.

Originally we had decided to exchange letters. I send pictures and a letter at least once a month and have yet to hear back from her. I know I've discussed this before on here, but I'll say it again. I know what was said during that intense experience may not have turned out to be best for Autumn once she got home and tried to adjust and create a new reality for herself and her family. But, not one day goes by that I don't think of her and hope for a letter when I check the mailbox.

My whole point here is that I know how lucky and blessed I am. Less than a year ago, I yearned for a baby so much that my entire being ached. And now I have this beautiful little girl who is so happy and who loves and laughs so easily and whom I love with everything I have. But, I can't and will not forget the sacrifice her amazing birth mother made for her. Once in awhile when I get to do the every day, mundane parenting things that occasionally get old (really, how many more loads of laundry do you do once you have a child? It's unreal. :) I remember Autumn and how she probably yearns from time to time just to see or touch our beautiful girl's face. I get re-energized as a mom, and I remember again how fortunate I am to get to dry the tears, kiss the cheeks, and yes, do the stinky laundry.

Like I said, this doesn't feel finished. I don't know how better to say what I feel, so I'm just going to put it out there and hope it says at least a little of what I feel.

Horrible comments

I hate to even give this any attention because I don't want to give whoever this person is the satisfaction of knowing he or she bothered me. But, I want to say that it's incredibly cowardly to post horrible comments on someone's blog anonymously. What in the world do you know about me, my life, my daughter, and her birthmother? Nothing at all. Your lack of facts in your comments prove that. My daughter's birthmother was NOT on any medication when she decided to place. She was not coerced in any way and to imply that she didn't make the decision herself is taking away from her strength and courage as a young woman and mother to two young boys who she was struggling to feed when she got pregnant with our daughter. Deciding to place Lily was the hardest thing she has ever or will ever do; I'm sure. And insinuating that she wasn't in the proper mental state to do so is grossly incorrect. How dare you presume anything about her or about us.
I'm sorry to my blog pals and kind readers who have offered me nothing but support, but this makes me shake with fury. I don't want to go password protected because every week I get posts or emails from people new to adoption who feel just a bit less alone because of blogs like mine. But, I also don't want to have to wake up to evil comments, either. I probably should have waited to post until I thought more about all of this, but blogging is my therapy in lots of ways, so I'm not going to censor myself. Is there any way to avoid password protection by disallowing anonymous comments? Can I require people submit an email address? Again, I'm sorry for this little outburst, but it pisses me off so much. I know lots of you have gone PP - any advice on getting these commenters to at least have to be accountable for what they post?

Edit: One more thing I want to make crystal clear. Autumn was in no way, shape or form forced to sign consent 24 hours after the birth. She is the one who scheduled the signing time - not us and not the agency. Utah law says it is legal for a woman to sign 24 hours, but she is not required to. She can sign a year later if she so chooses. Another fact this commenter chose to ignore or skew. That is all I will say about this. I hope:)

MSN article

There is a fantastic adoption article on MSN this morning. Click here to read it.

It features info on the different types of adoptions as well as personal stories of families created through adoption. I just had to share. AND post my new favorite Lily picture. Is this girl a beauty or what?

Bad week

Sorry for the delay in posting a few pics. My dad unexpectedly had to be admitted to the hospital over the weekend. He's still there and having a bit of a rough time. Prayers, positive thoughts, etc. are very much appreciated:)

Here are a few pics, though, from the finalization so this post isn't a TOTAL downer. Hopefully this blog is stil anonymous enough that my family won't mind having their picture here! :) I guess I'll find out, huh? :)

Finally Final! :)

Yesterday was by far one of the happiest days of my life. It was SO emotional - honestly, more so than when we were matched. Everything back then was such a whirlwind and so scary - and yesterday's finalization had none of that. It was just pure joy. We swore to always take care of her and that she would have all the rights of any biological child. I just felt strong and so proud of our family. Our judge was so nice. She posed for pictures with us, our families, and Lily's attorney. We laughed so hard that Lily needs representation:) We have a picture of the two of them, too. It better be the ONLY time that girl needs a lawyer in a courtroom! :)
Anyway, I cried, my mom cried, everyone cried:) But tears of SO much joy! To hear them proclaim her with her full name and to write up a birth certificate listing us as her parents. It was amazing. To have your family held up as good and right feels pretty darn great.
Pics coming soon!!! :)

Finalization / the situation in Guatemala

I really can't wait. I know I've said it a million times, but I didn't think it would mean this much to me. It's just a "formality." But, I've been reading up on the situation with Guatemalan adoptions. Have you heard about this? I've read blogs about parents who have been in Guatemala since being matched with their baby. One couple has been there for five months WITH their child and now there is the alarming possibility that they might not be able to adopt him. And where would he go? Right back to the orphanage. Why in the world would this happen? Who in their right mind would say this is the best thing? According to this site the Guatemalan government feels there are too many unethical adoption practices linked to international adoption. I won't waste anyone's time and argue that it's not true, because we all know adoption can be ridiculously corrupt. So fine - go ahead and reform laws and work on the system. But do it starting now. Don't say that couples already matched and in love with their baby have to go home or start the process again. They're already parents to that child in their heart. It's not like buying a new car - like they can just get back on the list and start over and be fine. We're talking about families here. Families already made.

The good news is that apparently both sides (US and Guat.) are caving a bit and saying that adoptions already in the process can proceed, but how long with that last? It makes me NUTS!
So, back to my original reason for this post - hearing about families already so bonded and in love with their babies makes me want our finalization done NOW. It's a formality, but it's one I want to be over and done with.

Also, if you have more news on the situation in Guatemala, please comment. I'd love to learn more!

Final Post Placement Vist - OVER! :)

We had such a wonderful weekend. The weather was gorgeous, we had friends and family around us, and most importantly, we finished Lily's post placement! Our meeting Friday couldn't have been better. Lily put on her best show:) She rolled over and sat up and squealed and giggled at our social worker. She said that Lily may be the happiest baby she's ever seen. It made me feel so good and almost validated as a mom in a way to hear someone who is supposed to be ensuring that we're doing well tell us that we're raising a happy girl! :)

Also, I've taken up a new mania. I have given in to the craze that is scrap booking. Oh my gosh, it's like crack. I don't know that first hand, I'm just making a comparison from what I've HEARD about crack and it's addictive qualities :) Anyway, I literally spent every single free minute this weekend scrap booking Lily's lifebook. It brought to the surface all the incredible joy of first seeing her. It made me stop in my tracks and pray so hard for Autumn and her family. It's been very therapeutic and has reminded me so much how blessed I am! Also, it's darn fun. :) Lily sits in her high chair and plays with toys while I scrapbook. It's so much fun to see her growing into a little girl. I feel like she's my little pal now while I do things.

AND, I can't believe I almost forgot, we had to move her up into a "big girl" car seat!! No more snug ride! Yes, I got a little teary:) I can't believe she's six months old tomorrow! So cliche, but where does the time go? Happy Monday, all! :)