4 mo. appt. - Shots are from the devil

I have the absolute saddest baby in the world tonight. She is running a slight fever and has slept almost the entire day after getting home from her shots. She was up for about an hour tonight and was okay for a bit, but then she started whimpering, and it nearly broke my heart! Seriously, I think I might sleep in her room tonight. More for me than for her! :)

Our girl is perfect, though. The doctor was very impressed (which I loved!!!) with how strong she is and said she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally (of course, of course). :) She is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Keep growing, little girl! She is SUCH a ham, too. Whenever anyone talks to her, she smiles and squeals. The doctor could hardly listen to her heartbeat because she was cooing and squealing so much. What a silly Lily! :)

I'm also so happy to hear that other moms and soon to be moms have run away spots, too. I won't tell anyone...don't worry! :)

4 months old!

Our baby girl is four months old today! We get to mark the occasion by visiting the pediatrician and getting FOUR shots. It's such a nightmare; much more so for Mommy than for Lily! :) She's sound asleep now moving her little lips like she has a paci...but she doesn't.

I'm feeling mighty reflective today. Every month, I send Autumn a packet with a letter and new pictures of Lily and I pray so hard for her and her family. I know I've said this before, but I miss her so much and wish so badly that I could just know how she's doing. But, I know that she knows how to contact us and will when/if she's ready.

Also, I'm reflecting on being a mom. It's totally cliche, but I never knew I could love this much. But, I've also been having a tough couple of days. Any mom who tells you she's always got it together is lying! :) Being a stay at home mom is the best thing for me, but it's also much more difficult than I thought it would be. I spend about an hour last night crying out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. (Please, please don't post a comment here if you're going to say that there are many women out there who would do anything to be in my position. I know how blessed I am, but I want to be able to express myself here honestly, and honestly, I'm beat!) :) I feel terrible to admit it, but there are moments when I think, "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" I think so many women have a romanticized version of mommy-hood in their heads; especially those of us who have struggled with infertility and who want a baby so badly. And nobody ever admits that they have days where they want to "run away." My mom and I talked over the weekend, and she told me she felt like that from time to time. I was really surprised. My mom is this amazing super-woman, and I know she adores us. I've said a million times that if I can be half the mother she is, I'll be in good shape. She said her "runaway" spot is Wyoming:) She used to think to herself, "I'll just get a little cottage in the mountains. A nice peaceful spot where I can go to the bathroom without a baby crying or a kid barging in." :) I loved it! My runaway spot is Mexico...I hear the beach calling me. But then, I see the most beautiful little girl smile up at me, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Spit-up stains, dirty diapers, exhaustion, frustration and all!