Sprinkler

We were up visiting my family again this weekend to celebrate my nephew's 2nd birthday. I can't believe he's TWO already! He and Lily had a ball together, and my lovely sister in

law was wonderful and brave enough to carry Lily through the sprinkler. She IS walking now....when she so chooses:) But, she doesn't like the feel of grass on her feet. What can I say; she's a total princess. :) It was such a fun weekend, and these pictures are my new favorites. This is what utter joy looks like. Or being totally freezing. Or both. :)

One more thing

I just finished putting Lily to bed and tonight is the very first night ever that as I was laying her down, she said, "I love you" or well, "Yuh You" before I said it. It brought tears to my eyes. And does again now that I'm typing it. She put her hands on my cheeks, we did our goodnight kiss and she said "Yuh You" before I did. I am sure it's because she knows it's coming, but still. I just experienced one of those amazing parenting moments and I had to get it written down asap. :)

Funny Girl

Why WOULDN'T you wear your pants on your head is the better question. :) This child makes me laugh so often.

Remember awhile back when I posted about wanting a part time job? Well, I have something adoption-related sort of in the works. I am beyond thrilled about it, and I want to just write and write about it, but I can't just yet. Aren't I so mean to leave you hanging like that? Tomorrow I will probably be able to openly discuss it...and actually I will probably only discuss it once on this blog because I want to keep this blog for my own personal use. I'll probably develop a professional blog also. But, this is a huge part of my life right now, so I want to be able to post about it, but then after I do post about it, I don't want it to seem like I'm soliciting business. So, enough about that for now. I will definitely post about it tomorrow once all my ducks are in a row.

Also, I did the stupidest thing ever today. I was printing some stuff of and had the arm of the printer tray down. I hit it with my face and you wouldn't think it would hurt and burn as badly as it does. I have little scratches on my eyelid and under it. And we're going to a wedding this weekend. Figures, doesn't it? The only real fancy night out I've had in hmmm....well, a dang long time and I have to have a scratched up face. I'm nothing but classy. :)

Weekend Fun

Giving cousin Isaiah a big smooch:)

Rockin' out!

First golf cart ride (It's parked; I promise!)

First trip to the county fair! Yee Haw! :)

SOOO sleepy!

We had such a big weekend! We visited my family up north. Lily loves going up and seeing her cousin. It really makes her seem like such a toddler and not a baby to see her playing with him. We took her swimming at my mom's and to the tiny county fair in town. She totally loved the cows and a very nice man even let her pet one. I was a bit nervous, but she is so in love with cows right now; I couldn't say no! :) She was in bed and asleep tonight at 6:30!!! She was just so sleepy from all the festivities. She's got quite the full social calendar, you know :)

We're still on hive patrol. It's really scary. They keep popping up occasionally, but never as bad as they were the first time. We still have no idea what triggers them. She's in her regular surroundings when they come on. No new foods, no new soaps or detergents. It's very strange. Am I being paranoid if I call and check in with the doctor tomorrow? Tell me the truth:)

NO STINKIN' WAY

I swear on all that I have that what I'm about to say is true. Every bit of it.

Lily took her first two steps today. (HOORAY!!) Right in front of the physical therapist. Do you see what I'm telling you? Are you kidding me? She is doing everything in her power to make a fool out of me. :) We about died; what in the world are the chances? Here's what to learn from this: the second you start to worry about your child, call the doctor. It'll cure them immediately. :) And you know, she hasn't tried to walk even once more since then. What a stinker!

She ran her through a huge battery of tests, and it was seriously the most fun ego-stroke we have ever had! :) She is in the 98th percentile as far as social and verbal skills go AND...there is not ONE thing wrong with her legs. The therapist said she's as far away from qualifying for assistance as you can get:) I felt SO happy to hear it; I knew there was nothing wrong with her, but to hear a specialist say it AND have her tell us how bright out daughter is, I don't know if I've ever felt such pride. :)

So that was our morning. And remember how I was going on about how much Lily was sleeping? Well, today there was no nap. At all. Which makes for a bit of a grumpy girl and an even grumpier mommy. At about 3, I noticed a funny rash on her face. By the time my husband had gotten upstairs to see it, it had spread to her arms. I immediately called the doctor and they scheduled us an emergency appointment. So, we rushed into the doctor. We live on five minutes away and by the time we got there, her face was bright red with white raised bumps, her arms and legs were covered with the same rash. I have never been so terrified in my life. Turns out, it was just hives. HIVES? She didn't eat anything different today than she usually eats, we didn't go out anywhere, she sure doesn't have stress in her life. The doctor said sometimes they never know was causes them. We gave her some baby Benadryl and now she's totally fine. No trace of any hive at all. And now she's soundly to bed early (6:55), and I'm taking my first breath of the day. I'm telling you what, I am exhausted. I can't believe all of this has happened in less than 12 hours. :) You can bet I'll be in to look at her multiple times during the night. She's about to give me my own case of hives!

Seriously with the teething

It's a nightmare!! I feel like it's all I blog about, but it's insane! She's now getting all four of her first molars at the same TIME. Her top two have poked through, but the gums are still all puffy and read. The bottoms are just these huge swollen lumps. My poor girl!! She's still in really good spirits, but she's sleeping like crazy. Last night, she was asleep at 7:00 and didn't wake up this morning until 10. I was so excited when I woke up at 8 and she was still sleeping. Still excited to have a cup of coffee while it was still hot. But, then as the clock kept ticking, I got nervous that she wasn't making any noise. So, at 10, I opened her door and wouldn't you know that woke her up. She was perfectly fine; just sleepy! Then, she napped from 1:30-4:30!! And she's back asleep now at 7:30. I'm not complaining, mind you, I cleaned the entire house today and started a new book! :) And now she's asleep in plenty of time for Mommy to watch The Bachelorette. :) But, I do feel sad for her and her little gums!

The PT is coming again tomorrow to make the final assessment about whether or not Lily qualifies for the First Steps program. I'm betting unless they find something seriously wrong with her muscles, she won't qualify. She has to be behind in at least one other area to qualify, and there's no way she is. This girl talks up a storm! She is starting to have conversations, and it's the coolest thing. When I leave the room and come back she says, "Where'd you go?" (more like "where go", but still!) and puts her hands up in a questioning pose:) I tried this afternoon to get her to walk holding my hands and she said, "NO WAY" and plopped herself down. NO WAY. Are you kidding me? That's my sassy girl. :)

First PT appt

It was a total joke.  I really am starting to wish I had gone with my gut and been firm that Lily is fine and she'll walk when she wants to.  Really, this service is for children with severe disabilities and I hate feeling like I'm wasting their time.  The social worker asked us tons of question like, "Can she sit by herself?" while watching her crawl and pull up and walk along the couch.  I know it's part of her job, but come on! :)  I think we're going to go ahead and have the physical therapist come out and look at her legs, but I know there's nothing wrong.  And today (because she wants to make her mommy look like a total nut case who panics about nothing), Lily took a step.  It wasn't walking by any means, but she put a foot out and put her weight on it.  She then collapsed and put a piece of lint from the floor into her mouth.  I'm so proud. :)

Worth how many words?

Priceless!  This girl is turning into the biggest ham ever.  She "cheeses" for the camera and flirts ridiculously with anyone who wants to take her picture.  The last one is her bending down to "hide" from me.  She shoots up and says "BOO."  It's so funny.  And the one with her under the TV tray...she just decided she wanted to hang out there for awhile.  She sat under there for awhile and decided to put her feet up.  She looks like I've bothered her by taking a picture:)  And the first two...those are just Lily in all of her sweetness.  She loves to swing and she loves to smile.  AND I was right about her bigger teeth coming in!  Her first molars are starting up.  And her gums are SOOO swollen.  Poor girl!  We're staying on top of the Motrin:)

No news on the walking front; we have our first consult with the PT tomorrow.  However, since her appt. Friday, she's now showing interest in walking and will do so holding just one of my hands, which is a vast improvement from not showing any interest at all last week.  Like I said, I know it's just that she's going to do it in HER time.   And like any good woman, she's taking her sweet time! :)

15 month check up - this is why parenting is so hard

We had Lily's 15 month check up today. She is 25 lbs (same weight since 9 months! :) and she is far ahead of the cognitive norms. We had to laugh when the dr asked us if she says more than 5 words:) She's a chatter box!

However, she still isn't walking. And he wasn't concerned about that until he checked her legs. He said her not walking worries him now because she's lacking muscle tone in her legs. It's not that she's not strong because she can stand and she cruises around our furniture. But, he recommended that we contact our local first steps office to have a therapist see her. I'm not going to lie, even typing that here, I feel teary again. I am sure it's nothing and I know so many parents go through so much worse with their children, but this is my baby. And it hurts my heart that there's something wrong with her beautiful legs. I need to keep it in perspective and feel good that we can get her check out and have some therapy to get her moving. And our doctor said it could also just be that she's not interested, but he just doesn't want her to miss a "developmental window." If you ask me, I'm still sure that it's just that she's not interested. She does what she wants when she wants to - from day one. She had zero interest in solid foods until she decided she wanted them and she crawled very late because she was too busy reading her books and doing more learning-centered activities. But I know it won't hurt to have a little physical therapy. I made sure with the center that this isn't something that would follow her through school because they told me they have to create a "file" for her. As a former teacher, I know all to well that once kids are labeled with any sort of disability, it's very tough to break out of that, unfortunately.

I'm going to finish with the other high note; she didn't cry even a little through her TB test! What a big girl:) Okay, so she howled like a crazy woman during the other two shots, but she braved that TB test like a champ! :) Thanks in advance for reading. I always know I can come here and vent and get my feelings out and feel supported by you guys.

**Update:  I've been researching babies with poor leg muscle tone like crazy and it seems to be really common.  In fact, the more I research, Lily isn't even a late walker yet - not until 18 months do they deem them late.  So, I'm thinking this is hopefully nothing at all and that the PT will just tell us she'll do it when she's darn well ready! :)

Can't.Take.The.Heat.

Imagine me dragging my hot (temp wise!), tired body across the floor while I say that:)  It is miserably hot here!! And guess whose AC wasn't in commission for about three hours this afternoon?  Yep, mine.  I know this is going to sound very, very spoiled, but I don't know how people made it through the summers without air conditioning.  Luckily, everything got fixed very quickly, but the house still hasn't cooled back off...probably because it was in the 90s here today.  I actually got in the tub with Lily tonight just to cool off.  She thought it was pretty funny. :)

In other Lily news, she is working on her NINTH tooth!!! She has all four up top and about 3 1/4 up on the bottom and now her fifth one is coming in on top.  It's non-stop teething around here.  We also had our first major diaper blow out yesterday.  I know you all wanted to know that:)  I consider us very, very lucky to have made it this far, but it was HORRIBLE!! Stupid me, she had been constipated so I gave her straight up apple juice....not good.  Not good at all.  She is the girliest little thing, too, she gets upset by poop:)  Too much info and she'll kill me someday when she reads this, but I can't help myself; it really is the funniest thing.  Anytime she goes, she comes straight over to me and says "hi...Hi...HI!!"  progressively louder.  Seriously, she needs changed immediately. :)  My nephew could play all day long in a dirty diaper and never care.  My girly girl knows the deal!!   Still no walking...she'll stand up by herself as long as you want her to, but when I try to get her to step, she shakes her head and says very matter-of-factly "no, no." Not sassy or anything, just letting me know how she feels about it :)  

Hope everybody's staying cool.  My husband's watching the NBA playoffs, so I'm off to waste some time playing word games on facebook.  It's too, too addictive. :)

Scary Days

We have had quite a time here lately. We spent a great deal of time outside over the weekend, so on Sunday when we noticed two little bumps on Lily's legs, we assumed she got a few mosquito bites. When we got up on Monday morning, though, you can't believe what her little legs looked like. The bites were both swollen to the size of quarters at least, and on little bitty legs, that's pretty big. One had streaks of red branching out from it and the other was yellow in the center surrounded by red. Both of them were hot to the touch and she'd pull away if we tried to touch them. I. FREAKED. OUT. We immediately called our pediatrician, who was out due to the holiday, of course. But we left a message on the emergency line and he called back right away. And sent us to the immediate care center. I called my mom crying; I was just so worried about her. And at times like this, I hate so much that we don't live near my mom!

We scooted on over to the immediate care center and waited. And waited. It lifted my spirits a bit that Lily flirted with the entire waiting room. She won't let a few bites get her down. No way:) She was smiling and chatting people up. What a ham! We finally saw the doctor and he examined her and told us they were spider bites. He said on kids her size, the poison can sometimes really get to them even if it's a spider that wouldn't really impact us. The red lines branching out from the bites was the poison filtering into her veins. I wanted to cry. I felt SO guilty. Even though we have our house sprayed very regularly, and I imagine she got them crawling around in the grass or sitting on the blanket outside over the weekend - and what am I going to do? Never let her outside? Nope. But I still felt bad; I hated seeing those things on my baby's legs! So this week has been full of leg checks, prednisone and antibiotic treatments, and a very, very thankful mom:) This may sound corny, but it hit me once again how lucky we are to be able to just take her into the doctor when she needs it. We're not wealthy by American standards, but that luxury alone makes us wealthy by the world's.

Miss Lil is doing much better now. I didn't take pictures when the bites were at their worst, and I'm glad because I don't want to remember it. But, you can kind of see them still lingering in these pictures. AND on a very happy note, look at that girl:) She's starting to walk behind her little lion. Don't be silly and think she's trying to walk on her own, though. She knows better; she knows mommy will carry her:) These are some of my favorite new pictures. She is starting to thin out so much from moving around, but the tummy is still in full force here. :)

Here's to a QUIET and relaxed weekend:) My sister is coming down Saturday for a little visit, and I made the mistake of telling Lily that yesterday. She loves her "Mal Mal" (my sister's name is Mallory), and she crawled around all day yesterday saying "Mal Mal.....Mal Mal" like she's looking for her. Mental note: don't tell the kid anything too far in advance. :)

Hope everyone's weekend is spider free. :)

Guess....

...how many days it's been since Lily's had a bath. Three. I mean, three full days. This is the fourth morning. How in the world have I just forgotten to bathe her for three full days? :) Such a motherhood, right? :) And she's not THAT stinky:) We'll be bathing this morning.

I need stock in Baby Motrin

Seriously. The teeth are coming in like wildfire. The top two on either side of the front teeth are pushing through and now the ones on the side of the bottom front are little red mounds in her mouth. Needless to say, it's been a tearful time at our house. She was up for nearly two hours in the middle of the night last night just crying and crying. Stupid mom - GET THE MOTRIN!!! :) So today we're keeping better tabs on that. And bedtime is coming early for both of us!

I don't want to say much about this because it's still a new movie and I don't want to ruin it for those of you who want to see it, but I saw "Baby Mama" on Sunday. I absolutely love Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but I fought anger and a few tears during a few instances in the film. On the other hand, I laughed harder than I have in a long time at other parts. So, I have mixed feelings. I think the way I felt about certain parts of the movie must be how some birth moms felt about "Juno." It was hard for me to understand their feelings until I saw "Baby Mama." It's hilarious, again, but I can't get past the way some of the infertility stuff was handled. Enough said for now because I don't want to ruin it - email me if you want to chat about it!

Off to put the girl to bed. With motrin. And maybe a shot of whiskey. KIDDING!! Don't call the authorities. :)

Bliss

These are photos from our walk today. Lily loves to hold her Daddy's finger while we take our walks. Could life get any better than this? I don't think so. :)

We have liftoff and other musings

Lily is finally standing up! This girl is just her own person. Every single thing with her developmentally has been on her own time. And no amount of persuading could coax her into doing anything until she was ready. So this morning, I walk into the living room after pouring my first cup of coffee and there she is just standing up next to the couch with BARELY even a finger on it. And she looked up at me like, "So what? I've been doing this forever." She is too much.

We're also down to two bottles a day - one in the morning and one at night. And she's way more into adult food than baby food, so we're pretty much away from baby food, too. But it's tough to find things to feed her that are easy and nutritious.

As for the nap dept, she's such a nut. She goes days and days on a nap strike, learns to stand up by herself, and is now sleeping two two hour naps a day. The biggest and best lesson I've learned about motherhood thus far is flexibility.

It's far enough past Lily's birthday, too, that I'm afraid we won't hear from Autumn. I was hoping against hope that she'd drop a note for her birthday, and to be totally honest, it makes me a little sad for Lily that she didn't. But, I know the lack of contact is her choice, and I have to respect that. It does make me sad, though.

To finish up this post of randomness, a question for any of you who have ever had the pleasure of trimming a one year old's fingernails. How in the world did you manage to do it and get out alive? :)

Icky Icky Shots!!!!

Oh my poor girl. We had our one year check up today, which went very well. For some reason, I didn't realize Lil would be getting FOUR shots. She got tested for TB (a nice bruise is already forming), a MMR, a chicken pox vaccine, and something else that is escaping me at the moment. The nurse warned us these would be worse than the shots before because apparently the MMR and the chicken pox vaccine both really sting. Well...I have never in this entire year heard Lily cry like she did today. She's not really a crier. She fusses if she's hungry or sleepy but it's really rare that she full out cries. And this kind of hysterics...I'd be thrilled to never hear it again. It was heart breaking! I'm SUCH a wuss with the shots. I make my husband hold her and I hide my eyes and then sweep in to save the day and give the snuggles when it's all over:) Four band aids on such a little body are just not right!

She came home from her appt. and went straight for a nap. She slept for THREE hours, which officially ended the nap wars. I actually got a little nervous because she slept for so long. But, then she woke up and was her usual, happy self.

Our crazy, wild weekend is kicking off tonight with some Chinese take-out and the DVD "Atonement." I've really wanted to see it, and I've recently sat through "Transformers," all the "John Adams" episodes on HBO, and "The Untouchables" with Troy lately, so I feel like he owes me big time! If you can top that kind of excitement, I'll be shocked. Just shocked. :)

One Year Ago Tonight

I was terrified of what the morning might bring.

I was touched more than I thought possible by a young woman struggling to provide for the two children she was parenting and to make the best decision possible for her, her boys, and the child she was carrying.

I was moved to tears to hear her speak of her love for the baby growing inside her about to be born and how when she saw our profile, she felt we were meant to be the baby's parents.

I wanted so badly to be excited about the impending birth of Autumn's baby, but I couldn't get over the nerves. We had just experienced such a heart-wrenching failed match, and I couldn't allow myself to feel excited. Plus, I knew the baby was still Autumn's until she signed revocation papers.

My husband and I went exploring Salt Lake City, Utah to try to get our minds off what was happening. It didn't work:)

We bought Autumn and Lily matching stuffed bunnies (it was the weekend before Easter). Since then, we've taken Lily's picture with her bunny so Autumn can watch her grow.

I didn't know the beautiful girl growing inside our amazing birthmom's tummy. I didn't know she'd have curly hair and enormous eyes. I didn't know she would have the chubbiest, most kissable cheeks I'd ever seen. I didn't know she would LOVE to be swaddled and sang to. I didn't know her first word would be "HI" whenever she saw me come in the room. I didn't know she'd love bananas and hate peas so much that her entire body would shiver when I tried to feed them to her. I had no idea her tiny nose would crinkle when she smiles and that her laugh would make me laugh no matter what. I didn't know she'd love her bath, but hate having her hair washed. I didn't know she'd suck her thumb when she gets sleepy. And love to be rocked to sleep and pat my back while I pat hers. :)

I knew I would love whatever baby came to me no matter how he or she came to me. But, I didn't know it would be this much. I remember praying one year ago tonight with my whole heart for Autumn and for her baby about to be born. And tonight, I pray again with my whole heart for Autumn. I thank her and God for my beautiful daughter who brings joy and laughter and so much love to every single day. I've shed a few tears in the writing of this post, which is only fitting. I'm pretty sure I shed a few a year ago, too:)

Birthday Party: Take One

Well, our first party was a smashing success. I managed to avoid getting too emotional, but I really can't believe my baby girl is nearly one. I'm process tons of emotions right now about Autumn - I can't get her out of my mind. I'm sure she's thinking about us right now, too, and even though she's still not in touch with us, I feel connected to her very much right now. More on that in a later post; I don't know how to express how I feel yet. SO...onto what I know you're in this for, pictures of the party and a beautiful baby in a pink tutu:)

Performing for all her loyal subjects! :)


Her cousin took one of her new toys. Total tragedy.

This is her new "belly laugh" reserved for occasions when something is particularly hilarious.

My mom made this princess highchair cover. I love it and may never take it off :)

We were all very happy to get into our jammies after the day was over!

It's very surreal to think that exactly one year ago today, I was sitting in a hotel room in Utah wishing and hoping for this miracle baby to be my daughter. And today, she looks up at me and says "mamama" (well, let's be honest, half the time she says "dadada" or blows raspberries in my face, but whatever.) It's amazing, truly beyond what I can convey in words. Hope you're having a happy weekend.!

Gambling babies and other Easter happenings

We had the best weekend visiting our family up north. Lily has so much fun when she gets to play with her cousin, and I really feel like she learns like crazy from him. We got some of the cutest pictures of her over the weekend:

In her little Easter dress before church

This is the pouty face I get when she's told "no" about anything. Can you believe all this sass?

Gambling babies. Nothing says Easter like a baby with a poker chip. :) I hope you all had a nice Easter if you celebrate it and a lovely weekend no matter what. I'm deep in the trenches of planning the first birthday party. Our first one (yes, we're having two - our families are too far apart to do one together) is this Sat. and I'm nowhere near ready. It's the whole denial thing again. :)

Num Num...Num Num

This is what Lily says every single time she sees anyone eating anything. She is turning into a little baby bird -always the mouth open sitting at my feet. :) Last night, I was eating some yogurt and you would've thought it was chocolate cake the way she ate it up. It may be strange, but I love, love, love sharing my food with her. I love that she snuggles up to me (even though she's using me for my food) and looks up saying "num num" while raising her eyebrows up and down. It is the funniest thing!

No news yet on Baby L. Thanks for your continued prayers.

In other news, as Lily's first birthday gets closer and closer, I find myself feeling SO sentimental. I can't believe it's been nearly a year. I really get emotional just thinking about where we were even a year ago today. One year ago today, we hadn't even matched yet. We hadn't talked to Autumn and we had no clue what was about to happen to us. We had no idea our beautiful girl was only two weeks away. It's a reminder on this crazy adoption roller coaster - things can change out of nowhere. Hope comes from the most unlikely sources and a baby could be right around the corner. It's nuts! I'm getting ready for the party, though. I have the cutest little princess party invites and some cutesy decor, but WAIT until you see Lily's outfit. We got her an "I'm 1" onesie and a big poofy pink tutu to wear with it. You can bet there will be pictures posted! :) But, I'm still in denial as of right now. :)