Backsliding

Remember that strong, confident, hopeful girl from a few days ago? She is long gone. We got an email this morning saying that the social worker was too late in submitting our profile for the baby boy situation due in a couple of weeks. Too late? I know these people have lives, but they are in control of my entire life. Why can't they do what they're being paid to do?

I know this is because it's compounding on all the pain of the past few months, but I don't know how I'm going to make it through my day. How much more disappointment will we go through? These things bring out all those feelings I thought I had gotten through. Bitterness and self-pity and thoughts like, "WHY is this easy for some people?" All I want in my life is to be able to love and parent a child. It's ridiculous and unfair and I HATE it.

I'm off to be grouchy to my co-workers now. They have to think I'm a total nut case.