Weekend Fun

Giving cousin Isaiah a big smooch:)

Rockin' out!

First golf cart ride (It's parked; I promise!)

First trip to the county fair! Yee Haw! :)

SOOO sleepy!

We had such a big weekend! We visited my family up north. Lily loves going up and seeing her cousin. It really makes her seem like such a toddler and not a baby to see her playing with him. We took her swimming at my mom's and to the tiny county fair in town. She totally loved the cows and a very nice man even let her pet one. I was a bit nervous, but she is so in love with cows right now; I couldn't say no! :) She was in bed and asleep tonight at 6:30!!! She was just so sleepy from all the festivities. She's got quite the full social calendar, you know :)

We're still on hive patrol. It's really scary. They keep popping up occasionally, but never as bad as they were the first time. We still have no idea what triggers them. She's in her regular surroundings when they come on. No new foods, no new soaps or detergents. It's very strange. Am I being paranoid if I call and check in with the doctor tomorrow? Tell me the truth:)

NO STINKIN' WAY

I swear on all that I have that what I'm about to say is true. Every bit of it.

Lily took her first two steps today. (HOORAY!!) Right in front of the physical therapist. Do you see what I'm telling you? Are you kidding me? She is doing everything in her power to make a fool out of me. :) We about died; what in the world are the chances? Here's what to learn from this: the second you start to worry about your child, call the doctor. It'll cure them immediately. :) And you know, she hasn't tried to walk even once more since then. What a stinker!

She ran her through a huge battery of tests, and it was seriously the most fun ego-stroke we have ever had! :) She is in the 98th percentile as far as social and verbal skills go AND...there is not ONE thing wrong with her legs. The therapist said she's as far away from qualifying for assistance as you can get:) I felt SO happy to hear it; I knew there was nothing wrong with her, but to hear a specialist say it AND have her tell us how bright out daughter is, I don't know if I've ever felt such pride. :)

So that was our morning. And remember how I was going on about how much Lily was sleeping? Well, today there was no nap. At all. Which makes for a bit of a grumpy girl and an even grumpier mommy. At about 3, I noticed a funny rash on her face. By the time my husband had gotten upstairs to see it, it had spread to her arms. I immediately called the doctor and they scheduled us an emergency appointment. So, we rushed into the doctor. We live on five minutes away and by the time we got there, her face was bright red with white raised bumps, her arms and legs were covered with the same rash. I have never been so terrified in my life. Turns out, it was just hives. HIVES? She didn't eat anything different today than she usually eats, we didn't go out anywhere, she sure doesn't have stress in her life. The doctor said sometimes they never know was causes them. We gave her some baby Benadryl and now she's totally fine. No trace of any hive at all. And now she's soundly to bed early (6:55), and I'm taking my first breath of the day. I'm telling you what, I am exhausted. I can't believe all of this has happened in less than 12 hours. :) You can bet I'll be in to look at her multiple times during the night. She's about to give me my own case of hives!

Seriously with the teething

It's a nightmare!! I feel like it's all I blog about, but it's insane! She's now getting all four of her first molars at the same TIME. Her top two have poked through, but the gums are still all puffy and read. The bottoms are just these huge swollen lumps. My poor girl!! She's still in really good spirits, but she's sleeping like crazy. Last night, she was asleep at 7:00 and didn't wake up this morning until 10. I was so excited when I woke up at 8 and she was still sleeping. Still excited to have a cup of coffee while it was still hot. But, then as the clock kept ticking, I got nervous that she wasn't making any noise. So, at 10, I opened her door and wouldn't you know that woke her up. She was perfectly fine; just sleepy! Then, she napped from 1:30-4:30!! And she's back asleep now at 7:30. I'm not complaining, mind you, I cleaned the entire house today and started a new book! :) And now she's asleep in plenty of time for Mommy to watch The Bachelorette. :) But, I do feel sad for her and her little gums!

The PT is coming again tomorrow to make the final assessment about whether or not Lily qualifies for the First Steps program. I'm betting unless they find something seriously wrong with her muscles, she won't qualify. She has to be behind in at least one other area to qualify, and there's no way she is. This girl talks up a storm! She is starting to have conversations, and it's the coolest thing. When I leave the room and come back she says, "Where'd you go?" (more like "where go", but still!) and puts her hands up in a questioning pose:) I tried this afternoon to get her to walk holding my hands and she said, "NO WAY" and plopped herself down. NO WAY. Are you kidding me? That's my sassy girl. :)

15 month check up - this is why parenting is so hard

We had Lily's 15 month check up today. She is 25 lbs (same weight since 9 months! :) and she is far ahead of the cognitive norms. We had to laugh when the dr asked us if she says more than 5 words:) She's a chatter box!

However, she still isn't walking. And he wasn't concerned about that until he checked her legs. He said her not walking worries him now because she's lacking muscle tone in her legs. It's not that she's not strong because she can stand and she cruises around our furniture. But, he recommended that we contact our local first steps office to have a therapist see her. I'm not going to lie, even typing that here, I feel teary again. I am sure it's nothing and I know so many parents go through so much worse with their children, but this is my baby. And it hurts my heart that there's something wrong with her beautiful legs. I need to keep it in perspective and feel good that we can get her check out and have some therapy to get her moving. And our doctor said it could also just be that she's not interested, but he just doesn't want her to miss a "developmental window." If you ask me, I'm still sure that it's just that she's not interested. She does what she wants when she wants to - from day one. She had zero interest in solid foods until she decided she wanted them and she crawled very late because she was too busy reading her books and doing more learning-centered activities. But I know it won't hurt to have a little physical therapy. I made sure with the center that this isn't something that would follow her through school because they told me they have to create a "file" for her. As a former teacher, I know all to well that once kids are labeled with any sort of disability, it's very tough to break out of that, unfortunately.

I'm going to finish with the other high note; she didn't cry even a little through her TB test! What a big girl:) Okay, so she howled like a crazy woman during the other two shots, but she braved that TB test like a champ! :) Thanks in advance for reading. I always know I can come here and vent and get my feelings out and feel supported by you guys.

**Update:  I've been researching babies with poor leg muscle tone like crazy and it seems to be really common.  In fact, the more I research, Lily isn't even a late walker yet - not until 18 months do they deem them late.  So, I'm thinking this is hopefully nothing at all and that the PT will just tell us she'll do it when she's darn well ready! :)

Scary Days

We have had quite a time here lately. We spent a great deal of time outside over the weekend, so on Sunday when we noticed two little bumps on Lily's legs, we assumed she got a few mosquito bites. When we got up on Monday morning, though, you can't believe what her little legs looked like. The bites were both swollen to the size of quarters at least, and on little bitty legs, that's pretty big. One had streaks of red branching out from it and the other was yellow in the center surrounded by red. Both of them were hot to the touch and she'd pull away if we tried to touch them. I. FREAKED. OUT. We immediately called our pediatrician, who was out due to the holiday, of course. But we left a message on the emergency line and he called back right away. And sent us to the immediate care center. I called my mom crying; I was just so worried about her. And at times like this, I hate so much that we don't live near my mom!

We scooted on over to the immediate care center and waited. And waited. It lifted my spirits a bit that Lily flirted with the entire waiting room. She won't let a few bites get her down. No way:) She was smiling and chatting people up. What a ham! We finally saw the doctor and he examined her and told us they were spider bites. He said on kids her size, the poison can sometimes really get to them even if it's a spider that wouldn't really impact us. The red lines branching out from the bites was the poison filtering into her veins. I wanted to cry. I felt SO guilty. Even though we have our house sprayed very regularly, and I imagine she got them crawling around in the grass or sitting on the blanket outside over the weekend - and what am I going to do? Never let her outside? Nope. But I still felt bad; I hated seeing those things on my baby's legs! So this week has been full of leg checks, prednisone and antibiotic treatments, and a very, very thankful mom:) This may sound corny, but it hit me once again how lucky we are to be able to just take her into the doctor when she needs it. We're not wealthy by American standards, but that luxury alone makes us wealthy by the world's.

Miss Lil is doing much better now. I didn't take pictures when the bites were at their worst, and I'm glad because I don't want to remember it. But, you can kind of see them still lingering in these pictures. AND on a very happy note, look at that girl:) She's starting to walk behind her little lion. Don't be silly and think she's trying to walk on her own, though. She knows better; she knows mommy will carry her:) These are some of my favorite new pictures. She is starting to thin out so much from moving around, but the tummy is still in full force here. :)

Here's to a QUIET and relaxed weekend:) My sister is coming down Saturday for a little visit, and I made the mistake of telling Lily that yesterday. She loves her "Mal Mal" (my sister's name is Mallory), and she crawled around all day yesterday saying "Mal Mal.....Mal Mal" like she's looking for her. Mental note: don't tell the kid anything too far in advance. :)

Hope everyone's weekend is spider free. :)

Mothers

I didn't do a Mother's Day post. I know so many people I'm close with in the blogosphere are still waiting for their Mother's Day, and I just don't want to pour salt, you know? But, I got this email forward from my own mom, and I couldn't help but post it. It's exactly perfect. And it hits the nail on the head about all of us - us moms who aren't super women and us moms who became moms in our hearts long before our children were with us. I just found it beautiful:

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here." Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse. For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at football or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year. And then read it again, "Just one more time." This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them. For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting. For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely. This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time? Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time? The jolt that takes her from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put her hand on the back of a sleeping baby? The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in her home? Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation... And for mature mothers learning to let go. For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers. Single mothers and married mothers. Mothers with money, mothers without. This is for you all. For all of us... Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray and never stop being a mother...
"Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."

Guess....

...how many days it's been since Lily's had a bath. Three. I mean, three full days. This is the fourth morning. How in the world have I just forgotten to bathe her for three full days? :) Such a motherhood, right? :) And she's not THAT stinky:) We'll be bathing this morning.

We have liftoff and other musings

Lily is finally standing up! This girl is just her own person. Every single thing with her developmentally has been on her own time. And no amount of persuading could coax her into doing anything until she was ready. So this morning, I walk into the living room after pouring my first cup of coffee and there she is just standing up next to the couch with BARELY even a finger on it. And she looked up at me like, "So what? I've been doing this forever." She is too much.

We're also down to two bottles a day - one in the morning and one at night. And she's way more into adult food than baby food, so we're pretty much away from baby food, too. But it's tough to find things to feed her that are easy and nutritious.

As for the nap dept, she's such a nut. She goes days and days on a nap strike, learns to stand up by herself, and is now sleeping two two hour naps a day. The biggest and best lesson I've learned about motherhood thus far is flexibility.

It's far enough past Lily's birthday, too, that I'm afraid we won't hear from Autumn. I was hoping against hope that she'd drop a note for her birthday, and to be totally honest, it makes me a little sad for Lily that she didn't. But, I know the lack of contact is her choice, and I have to respect that. It does make me sad, though.

To finish up this post of randomness, a question for any of you who have ever had the pleasure of trimming a one year old's fingernails. How in the world did you manage to do it and get out alive? :)

The Nap Wars

It's happening again. The nap wars have returned to the household. And I am no fan of the nap wars. Lily sleeps great at night for the most part. Last night, she was up from 4:45 until 6:15. AM. She fought her morning nap for about an hour and finally slept for about 45 min. and same goes for the afternoon nap. She is very tired; it's obvious. She has sleepy, red eyes, sucks her thumb, lays down on the floor in the living room - the girl is TIRED. But the second she goes to her crib, she either fusses or starts playing. What is her deal? Do you think she's ready to just go to one nap a day? When do most babies do that? It's such a cliche, but don't you wish there was an instruction manual with EXACTLY the right thing to do? It's the trial and error that's tough!

Maybe she was just excited that it was her birthday. :)

The Joys of Parenting

I have been very MIA lately. To be honest, I'm having a bit of a tough time lately. I don't know if it's Lily's quickly approaching 1st birthday or what, but mommyhood is seriously stressing me out. To be fair, she's been sick for nearly two weeks now, which leads (in her case) to very little sleep and all-around crankiness. She goes days without napping and is turning into a chronically tired girl. I'm having some really tough days. And I feel like I'm not allowed to have tough days because of what we went through to finally have her. I feel like because I prayed for her so hard and wanted her so badly that I'm held to a higher standard of parenting than other moms. Maybe I'm the only one holding myself to those standards, but I feel the pressure of them nevertheless. I feel like it's okay for some of my friends to complain about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom some days, but that it's not okay for me to do it because of how hard it was to get here. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy 100% of the time, and honestly, I resent it. I love staying home with Lily, but my husband works as an adjunct professor which means he works constantly and some days from 9:00am to 10:00pm with only a few hours break in between classes. Starting now, he's teaching classes every night of the week but Friday. He is amazingly helpful when he's home, but when he works so much, I'm doing all of this on my own. And I'm exhausted. But, the catch is that to be able to have me home, he has to work as much as he can. And full time university positions, especially in this economy, are few and far between though believe me, we're looking.

Part of the problem, too, I know is my fault. I feel so much pressure to constantly be a super mom. I feel like if she's awake, I have to be playing with her or teaching her something. And heaven knows, you can only read "Goodnight Moon" and play with the stackable blocks for so long until you're ready to pull your hair out. If I'm completely honest, I have days where I long to sleep late and go out for dinner and have adult conversation. That doesn't mean I want to go back to life before her, of course. I really hope nobody rips me for this because I know how lucky I am to have Lily. And I love her with my whole heart. This is, again, the sort of "survivors guilt" problem of parenting after infertility. We aren't allowed to be unhappy or struggle with any aspect of parenting because it was so hard to get here. And because we know there are women who would do anything to be where we are. But, for the love, I'm human. And being a mom is really hard work sometimes. And I feel how I feel, and I need to be able to talk about it somewhere - so this is my chosen outlet. I hate that I feel like I have to qualify this yet again by saying how much I love my daughter. I feel like anyone who didn't struggle with infertility wouldn't have to do that. They could just vent and it would be understood how much they love their child.

Sorry for this crazy, bummer of a post, but like I said, I'm having a hard time right now, and I needed to vent. I'm not even going to go back and reread what I've typed because I typed it as it was coming to me, and it's been a sort of therapy, so I'm just going to hit publish and move the heck on. :)

I need parenting help ASAP. :)

Lily, who up until now has been a world-class napper, is all of the sudden skipping naps. She's just learned to sit up in her crib, so she'll sit back there for an hour or more and not nap. She gets SO tired, which lets me know for sure it's not that she's ready to give up a nap. She yawns and rubs her face and sucks her thumb, but she sits back there and won't lay down. It got to the point yesterday where she fell ASLEEP sitting up. It was the cutest thing ever - she had the crib bumper flower pattern on her forehead because she had slumped forward onto the bumpers. But, it was also the most frustrating thing because she needed to sleep and wouldn't lay down. Is there anything I can do in this situation? Will it just take her a few days to figure out how to lay back down? Isn't it funny how once you get one thing down to a science, something else pops up? :) Literally for us in this case!
I'm not sure if this matters, either, but I think she may be getting her top front teeth in. I really don't want to start any bad habits as far as going in when I need to leave her alone, so any advice would be fantastic!! I've googled it and can't find anything at all about it, so I'm taking that to mean it's not a long-term problem:)

In a rut

I know I just posted about how all this motherhood stuff is finally clicking. And it still is for the most part. Lily's a champion sleeper, she has no eating issues now that the reflux has been figured out, and she is SO good natured. The little tiny problem I'm having right now is boredom. I know that's awful, but it's true. I feel like I'm running out of things to do with her. We can play in the jumperoo or with toys on the floor, but then what? We're using just one car to try to be more eco-friendly, so when my husband is working, we're kinda stuck here. Any ideas for things to do with a 6 1/2 month old? Great toys to invest in? Silly games to play? I'm not sure how much longer I can listen to the songs on the jumperoo...they're invading my dreams at night. :)

Sitting up!

Just LOOK at this girl! She's sitting up all by herself. (yes, that's a squishy exercise mat under her - we're not taking any chances.) It was really overnight - she just decided she wanted to do it and now she can sit there for an hour and just play with her toys and babble to them and us and well...just to herself. It's the greatest! AND it's really freed me up SO much to do other things. I can sit her in her high chair with a toy and she'll just play and hang out while I clean or cook or whatever. I LOVE IT! It's funny how hard this mom thing can be at times and then there are other times where it really just clicks!! I'm in one of those click times right now and life is good :)

Solid Foods - finally SUCCESS:)

I have a hidden bad mommy secret. I didn't want to start Lily on solid foods at all, and I have been very lazy about trying to get her to eat them. We tried a few times with no luck at all - she just had zero interest in it. She turned her nose right up at it. BUT, today it was just like something clicked. I made a tablespoon of rice cereal (a bit thicker than the previous times, which I'm sure helped), and she ate the entire thing. I really think like so many things in life, she just had to be ready for it. It was the greatest, and I had so much fun with it. Here are a few of the obligatory food pics; now that I look at them closely, she looks a bit frightened. :)

4 mo. appt. - Shots are from the devil

I have the absolute saddest baby in the world tonight. She is running a slight fever and has slept almost the entire day after getting home from her shots. She was up for about an hour tonight and was okay for a bit, but then she started whimpering, and it nearly broke my heart! Seriously, I think I might sleep in her room tonight. More for me than for her! :)

Our girl is perfect, though. The doctor was very impressed (which I loved!!!) with how strong she is and said she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally (of course, of course). :) She is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Keep growing, little girl! She is SUCH a ham, too. Whenever anyone talks to her, she smiles and squeals. The doctor could hardly listen to her heartbeat because she was cooing and squealing so much. What a silly Lily! :)

I'm also so happy to hear that other moms and soon to be moms have run away spots, too. I won't tell anyone...don't worry! :)

4 months old!

Our baby girl is four months old today! We get to mark the occasion by visiting the pediatrician and getting FOUR shots. It's such a nightmare; much more so for Mommy than for Lily! :) She's sound asleep now moving her little lips like she has a paci...but she doesn't.

I'm feeling mighty reflective today. Every month, I send Autumn a packet with a letter and new pictures of Lily and I pray so hard for her and her family. I know I've said this before, but I miss her so much and wish so badly that I could just know how she's doing. But, I know that she knows how to contact us and will when/if she's ready.

Also, I'm reflecting on being a mom. It's totally cliche, but I never knew I could love this much. But, I've also been having a tough couple of days. Any mom who tells you she's always got it together is lying! :) Being a stay at home mom is the best thing for me, but it's also much more difficult than I thought it would be. I spend about an hour last night crying out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. (Please, please don't post a comment here if you're going to say that there are many women out there who would do anything to be in my position. I know how blessed I am, but I want to be able to express myself here honestly, and honestly, I'm beat!) :) I feel terrible to admit it, but there are moments when I think, "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" I think so many women have a romanticized version of mommy-hood in their heads; especially those of us who have struggled with infertility and who want a baby so badly. And nobody ever admits that they have days where they want to "run away." My mom and I talked over the weekend, and she told me she felt like that from time to time. I was really surprised. My mom is this amazing super-woman, and I know she adores us. I've said a million times that if I can be half the mother she is, I'll be in good shape. She said her "runaway" spot is Wyoming:) She used to think to herself, "I'll just get a little cottage in the mountains. A nice peaceful spot where I can go to the bathroom without a baby crying or a kid barging in." :) I loved it! My runaway spot is Mexico...I hear the beach calling me. But then, I see the most beautiful little girl smile up at me, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Spit-up stains, dirty diapers, exhaustion, frustration and all!

3:00 am feedings and being a mommy

I can't believe I haven't posted yet this month. I'm a bad blogger! :) Lily has been the world's best sleeper...until now. She's started getting up for a bottle again around 3:00 am and then going back to sleep until 9 or so. I'm not going to not feed her when she's crying and her little tummy rumbles when the food hits it. But, I feel like we're going backwards and starting "bad habits." Any advice? Anybody else have this happen around 4 months?

Also, in adoption-related news, even though Lily's birthfather is deceased, we had to have paternal rights relinquished (love the red tape!). We got a letter from our attorney today stating they have been. And we have our second post-placement on Monday. So, now all we have to do for finalization is wait for the six month waiting period to be over.

The real reason for this post, though, isn't 3:00am feedings. Lily laughed two days ago for the first time! And something unbelievable opened up in me. I've loved her and nurtured her and been her mom from day one, but this was different. Warning, I am about to get sappy and emotional. For all of you women out there who are waiting to be moms, I can't tell you enough how worth every single second of pain and heart break is. Anyone contemplating adoption who thinks, "Will I love this baby like my own?" You will. There is NO love like this. There is no way any person loves any other person more than I love my Lily. Some day you will either finally conceive your baby or you will be matched with the baby who is meant for you, and you will know. This journey is SO hard; it is the toughest thing most of us will ever endure. But, I would do every single thing the exact same way because it gave me Lily. When I was growing up, I always pictured my kids with blond straight hair...I guess because that's what I have. God blessed me with a dark, curly headed little girl that makes me smile and laugh and brings me more joy and hope and faith in Him and in the good in the world than I ever thought possible. If you're reading this and going through the pain of infertility, please take comfort that someday, even though you don't know when, you will have a little one who will laugh for the first time and will completely and utterly take over your entire heart...and house:)

I did it! I worked out today!

I just feel so good about myself after I work out. It's SO hard to get the motivation to do it, but once it's over, I feel like I'm a champ:) I rented "The Biggest Loser" workout DVD from Blockbuster, and it kicked my butt! But, I loved it:) It's so inspirational to see the people on there who have worked so hard and gotten into such great shape. And I love the idea that it's not really about getting "skinny" but about being the best you can be.

If any of you guys are working out or trying to get into shape and want to email to try to support each other, I'd so love that. It's tough to find time to devote to working out with Miss Lil in our house, but I have to do it for myself. I feel like I've started to become that "mom" stereotype who doesn't have time for herself, and I don't want that. Look at me all empowered:)

Now if I can just eat right today. That's tougher for me than working out! I heart junk food. :)

Cloth diapers? Discuss amongst yourselves.

Any of you use cloth diapers or are you considering doing so? We talked about it before Lily came and to be really honest, now that she's here and I've changed some of her icky diapers, I can't imagine doing it. We are trying so hard in our house to be environmentally friendly because it's something we feel strongly about. But what does it say about my commitment to the issue that the idea of putting her stinky diapers into my washing machine makes me want to buy stock in Huggies? :)
Just wanting to feel this out and see if any of you have done it successfully. Any helpful hints?

We're sending our third package of Lily pictures and a letter to A. We have not heard back from her yet, which I understand totally, but it still makes me sad. It's strange how much I miss her. I know I've said it before, but I always thought I'd be open only to closed adoption or semi-private where we just send pictures. If A called today, I'd want to jump in my car and go see her. We have this bond that no person can understand unless they've been there. I mentioned the other day in casual conversation at a family gathering that if Lily wants to meet A, I'd be super-supportive because I want to see her again. My dad was shocked; he kept saying the typical "Won't that confuse Lily" and "What's the point of going back and digging up the past?" responses. But, I know he just wants to protect us. He can't understand that Lily's past is our past and that these people are our family even if we never speak to them again.
Adoption is incredible. I'm even still just now really grasping what happened and how magical (for lack of a better word) our entire journey has been. I feel truly blessed. I'm overwhelmed with love for my girl.

But I still don't want her poopy diapers in my washing machine. :)

I have a RAVE!

I'm not sure if I'm legally allowed to do this, but I have a new mom rave that I can't keep to myself:) Up until last week, Lily was still only sleeping three hours at a time during the night. I was seriously starting to lose my mind:) I read online about something called "The Miracle Blanket," which is this great swaddling blanket. She loves to be swaddled, so I thought I'd check it out. WELL, from the second night we put her in it, she's now sleeping from 9:30 to 4:30, waking for one bottle, and then going back to sleep until 8. It's amazing!! Not that she was ever really fussy, but sleeping so much and so soundly has made her SO much fun during the day! She's smiling and cooing at her toys and at us; it has been life changing:)
I'm going to get one from now on for everyone I know who is having a baby.

This week, I've been back at work giving my girls their exams. It's my "official" last week of work. It's been so emotional and so much more difficult in some ways. I know staying home with Lily is right for her and for me, but I do feel a great deal of loss at quitting teaching. On the other hand, by the middle of the day, I miss Lily so much that I can't stand it, so the grief is pretty much on the way out:)

She will be 9 weeks Mon (can you believe it?) and has her 2 month appointment next Wed. It's the dreaded 4-shot appointment, and I'm already in need of therapy! :)

I have to say here, too, a HUGE congrats to my blog pal, Becky, over at World of Winks, on her beautiful new baby boy. Congrats, Mama! :)