This is why I was never friends with girls in high school

I visit thenest.com pretty regularly. It started when I became wedding obsessed before getting engaged and turned to theknot.com to help with planning all aspects of my wedding. Once I got back from our honeymoon and had that horrible wedding let-down depression that follows for many brides who have put so much time into planning a single event (in hindsight, I wish we had taken the money my parents offered and RUN! Vegas, baby!!:) I turned to the sister sight for married gals - thenest.com. There are boards for every single time of life. Boards for moms of babies of all ages, infertility boards, book discussion boards, travel boards, and even now an election 08 board. This is the board I would like to discuss. :)

I am a political junky. I think that's been established. And I was so excited to find a place with well-educated women who could discuss politics and the election without judging each other, but why is that not possible sometimes when large group of women get together? It makes me so sad. Last night, the conversation on the election board turned from politics and the election to stay at home moms. Why that topic of conversation you ask. Who in the world knows. You wouldn't believe the way some of these women came down on women who stay at home with their children. It bothered me more than I can say. To me, feminism is about having a CHOICE. Women have the freedom now to choose whatever path in life they want. So calling someone archaic because they stay home with their children, to me, is taking a step backwards. The second argument on the board occured when one poster said she had never met a stay home mom who is interesting. Hello stereotypes? Isn't that what all of us tolerant, open-minded people are supposed to avoid? Some of these women pride themselves on being so super-tolerant of all people. There are threads and threads of conversation regarding tolerance and open mindedness. Okay, so you're accepting of everyone but me because I am my child's full time care giver? I just don't get that.

I'll quote here the post entitled "Okay, talk me down: Most of you know my distaste for SAHMs. And yes, I realize it's their choice and bladdy bladdy. I get that.Here's my deal.I've never met one that I really could relate to. That didn't have their world completely revolving around their children, their house, their DH." Distaste for stay at home moms? You are kidding me. The post had many comments - some from stay at home moms arguing their value as a person and others from women supporting this poster's view point. It boggles my mind; it really does. One of my personal favorite responses was, "I'd rather have bamboo chutes stuck under my fingernails than to carry on a conversation about daycare and soap operas." Nice. Why in the world do we do this to each other? These women have the total right to make their own choices. And I was a working woman before Lily was born. But you know what? My career choice doesn't define me. We are far more than just our jobs. I have a Master's Degree. And to that some women on the board responded that women like me who have higher education degrees are marginalized by staying home and are hurting other women who choose their careers because the glass ceiling is harder to break through when employers know women "like me" aren't in their careers for the long haul. Wow. I'm well-educated, and I made the informed decision that was right for me and my family. Why should anyone judge another person for that? And to say just because I stay home, I'm probably not interesting because my world is my child and soap operas? HA. I don't watch soaps. I watch MSNBC almost all day. And so what if I did watch a soap. I'm sure lots of working moms Tivo a soap opera or two. And yes, my child probably is the center of my world. Same goes for women who choose to work outside the home. Working outside the home doesn't mean your child isn't the center of your world. We have to all do what is right for us. My decisions aren't right for every woman and vice versa.

I guess my main point is that I get so disgusted and saddened by the way some women treat other women. Think of the good we could do if we stopped judging and tearing down each other and focused on supporting one another. This community is special that way. It's one thing I am grateful to infertility for (I never thought I'd ever say that!). But, it's something that makes me crazy about being a woman. The men just have a slug fest and get over it. They don't care and don't focus that much on judging each other (this is what my husband believes. I discussed the posts with him last night, and he just shook his head and said, "Girls are dumb." :) I think he's working on a club house out back and will post a big sign that says "No girls allowed." ) Anyway, to wrap it up and step down off my soap box, I am so proud to be a woman. I read all these blogs and feel so amazed at what we have come through and how we've handled it with grace and by never giving up and always supporting each other. Why can't that translate? We need to give each other a break! Well, maybe "we" don't, but THOSE women do! :) Whew...I'm worn out. When do the soaps come on? :)