I finished the book! and new Lily pictures

I have been totally MIA online because if I had read a Harry Potter spoiler, I would've been so disappointed. It wouldn't have ruined my life like some of the people I've seen on the news lately:), but I would've been bummed. And I LOVED it!! It was everything I could havewanted and it's not often that a book can say that. Especially one so hyped. Fellow fans, feel free to comment, but no spoilers for those who are still carving out time in their busy schedules of new mommy-ness or during work or IVF cycles or whatever :)

We had some professional pictures taken of Lily and of us as a family. Some of them are good, but she was so grumpy that they just don't capture her Lily-ness. :) I have to say that my favorite pictures are the ones we've taken here at home. So many of the professional ones just don't look like her. I mean, I know they are her, but they don't capture what I see every day. But, they are beautiful and I'm going to post a few. And I'm going to do something I didn't think I'd ever do and post one of us and one of our little family. Now that I'm not teaching, I don't feel the need to be AS "undercover" on this blog. Watch that just bite me in the hiney, but whatever. The ones with us are hilarious because she just looks so uninterested in taking pictures. We're both all smiley and she's just like, Whatever, get this over with. There's also a great one of her and my nephew. He thought he'd be a nice cousin and share his thumb with her:) I'll also post one that we've taken so you can see the real deal. :) It's one of my new favorites when she's just gotten up from her nap. I love her sleepy little eyes. Yes, we let her nap on her tummy. Our pedi. said it's fine since she's got such great head control AND because we check on her regularly AND because she's close to rolling over on her own. Mom guilt...it's a terrible thing. :)

Also, I took Lily out to have lunch with a friend yesterday. The hostess lifted up her carrier cover to see her and said, "Oh my gosh, that is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen." I smiled like always and said, "Isn't she?" :) And THEN, she asked how old she is and I told her....and she said, "Oh my gosh, that's it? I bet she weighs more than my 2 year old." I thought I might have to throw down with her right there in the Chilis lobby. Lily IS such a chub. BUT, she's a baby and she's healthy and happy, and that's how they're supposed to be, right? She's not abnormally chubby. It's funny how at home I can call her chubs and giggle at her leg rolls, but when the hostess at Chilis tells me my 4 month old weighs as much as her 2 year old, it's on.

:)

I Heart Harry Potter - NO spoilers :)

I'm about to show my true self. I have to confess something to you. I am nuts for Harry Potter. I just saw The Order of the Phoenix tonight (LOVED IT!), and I think I may go crazy waiting for Sat. Yes, I will be one of those people in line waiting for the new book. I am going to avoid all things news and media related until I finish the book because I think it would seriously make me have a melt down if the ending was told to me before I finished.
Some of you may slowly be backing away from my blog now:) But, I have a feeling I'm not alone in this mania! :) I'm off to find summaries of the previous couple of books so I can remind myself of all the small details. I know I have a small child to attend to...she'll be alright for a day or two, right? (kidding!!!...mostly...) :)

2 down, 1 to go! :)

We had our second post-placement meeting yesterday. It was a total breeze. We were asked questions about bonding and whether or not we had heard anything from Autumn. Our social worker said Lily seems far ahead of most babies her age (of course!), and that she is one of the happiest babies she's ever seen. We think that, but it's very nice to hear a social worker say so:) She also gave us a timeline for finalization. I never thought finalization would be so important to me because from what I hear it's mostly a formality. But, I can't wait! It will be such a special day! Hopefully we'll have a court date in October some time. Our agency requires the baby be at least six months old.

In non-baby related life (is there such thing?), we are starting to consider taking a little vacation in Dec. We really want to go back to Mexico, and I know it's not something that a baby would enjoy. I am SO torn, though, about leaving her. We've been away from her only one night (My husband's 30th birthday), and it was killer! But, we did end up having a great time, and it was so nice to be "responsibility-free" for one night. But, could I do a week? Am I terrible for even considering it this early in her life? Would a shorter time be better? She will be 8 months by then, and I do think it would be so good for our marriage to be able to refocus on each other for a bit. Not that we're in trouble!!! :) Just had to clarify! The beach just sounds soooo good to me right now! I'm off to do a little vacation research online...I'm strange, but I like the planning of a vacation nearly as much as the trip itself :)

My blog's title

I've gotten a few emails over the course of my blog about my title and where it comes from. When we started our adoption journey, my Nana (the world's sweetest woman....and the best cook!) sent me this poem:

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

It may sound silly, but I get the chills every single time I read it. The "pregnancy" tends to be a bit longer. The labor is a different kind of pain, but still as intense. And I feel with my entire being that Lily grew in my heart as I prayed for her and waited for her to come home.

3:00 am feedings and being a mommy

I can't believe I haven't posted yet this month. I'm a bad blogger! :) Lily has been the world's best sleeper...until now. She's started getting up for a bottle again around 3:00 am and then going back to sleep until 9 or so. I'm not going to not feed her when she's crying and her little tummy rumbles when the food hits it. But, I feel like we're going backwards and starting "bad habits." Any advice? Anybody else have this happen around 4 months?

Also, in adoption-related news, even though Lily's birthfather is deceased, we had to have paternal rights relinquished (love the red tape!). We got a letter from our attorney today stating they have been. And we have our second post-placement on Monday. So, now all we have to do for finalization is wait for the six month waiting period to be over.

The real reason for this post, though, isn't 3:00am feedings. Lily laughed two days ago for the first time! And something unbelievable opened up in me. I've loved her and nurtured her and been her mom from day one, but this was different. Warning, I am about to get sappy and emotional. For all of you women out there who are waiting to be moms, I can't tell you enough how worth every single second of pain and heart break is. Anyone contemplating adoption who thinks, "Will I love this baby like my own?" You will. There is NO love like this. There is no way any person loves any other person more than I love my Lily. Some day you will either finally conceive your baby or you will be matched with the baby who is meant for you, and you will know. This journey is SO hard; it is the toughest thing most of us will ever endure. But, I would do every single thing the exact same way because it gave me Lily. When I was growing up, I always pictured my kids with blond straight hair...I guess because that's what I have. God blessed me with a dark, curly headed little girl that makes me smile and laugh and brings me more joy and hope and faith in Him and in the good in the world than I ever thought possible. If you're reading this and going through the pain of infertility, please take comfort that someday, even though you don't know when, you will have a little one who will laugh for the first time and will completely and utterly take over your entire heart...and house:)