We took Lily to PetSmart (our version of an indoor zoo:) It was FAR too hot to take her to the actual zoo) on Sunday. She loves looking at the animals. We were walking around and spotting this woman with the tiniest, sweetest puppy ever, so naturally, I had to go over for a closer look. The man she was with was African American, and the second we got closer to him he said, "Is she mixed?" And pointed at Lily. It's the first time anyone has ever asked me. I told him that she is, and he did this hugely exaggerated look first at me and then at my husband. We are clearly Caucasian. It put me immediately on the defensive. I could feel myself bristling and getting ready to have to stand up for my family and who we are. I said, "She was adopted." Heavy accent on the WAS. It WAS a one time thing. She is currently just our daughter. Here I am all ready to defend us and our transracial adoption and then he said, "I wondered if she was. I was adopted, too."
Shame on me. I was so quick to get defensive that I almost missed a really cool conversation with a guy who had grown up as a transracial adoptee. I know that after dealing with IF and now being an adoptive mom, at times I feel like my decisions are being second guessed or the choices I've made regarding creating a family are being judged, but I think probably 99% of the time, people are just curious. Or they're in the same boat or know someone who has been in a similar situation. Or maybe they just like to see happy families, so the looks and the smiles are just in appreciation of our happiness and our beautiful daughter. In my haste to put someone judging us into his place, I became the one who was far too quick to judge. I need to do better with giving people the benefit of the doubt. Lesson hopefully learned. Or at least well on its way! :)
