Back Home Again...

Our trip to Arizona was absolutely beautiful! I love it out west. The mountains and the canyons and the desert- they're breath taking, really. HOWEVER...I don't know how those of you who fly often with babies do it. I really don't. Lily is the best baby, but she turned into a little devil girl on the plane! She cried for about an hour straight, and I literally wanted to die. A lovely grandmother we had gotten chatty with in the terminal even came up and asked if she could try to calm her down. AND I handed Lily over. To a stranger. That's how bad it was! I figured she couldn't go far with her. :)

Anyway, that being said, it was nice to get away and have a change of scenery. But, I'm totally behind now in getting ready for Christmas. We made a little gingerbread house tonight - one of my favorite things to do! :) But, the presents aren't all wrapped - heck, the presents aren't all bought. So, I've got to get on that!

I'm really looking forward to catching up with blogs - it's been almost two weeks! Hope all is well and that your holiday preparations are going better than mine are. Anyone else a procrastinator? :)
I'll leave you with a few of my favorite AZ pictures...and then with my new favorite of Lily in her winter hat. She's too much! :)

Phoenix, Here we come!

The sickness has finally left our house. Man, last week was rough! Lily was so miserable and by the third day of her cold, I had come down with it, too. We've finally turned a corner, though, and are all feeling healthy. I had to laugh at my husband...well, laugh a little and then smack him a little. She would get up at least twice during the night because she couldn't breathe. And in the morning he'd say, "Did she get up at all last night?" or "Wow, she slept through the night last night?" Yeah. It's that male selective hearing thing. I will give him credit, though. Once I got sick, he got up with her during the night and in the morning. Which, again, leads me to ask why he could hear her when I was sick, but couldn't when I wasn't. :)

The best news! My mom called last week. My step-dad is a professional golfer and is playing in a tournament in AZ this week. She is flying all three of us out there for a little pre-Christmas mini-vacation. I can't tell you how excited I am. I am so ready for a vacation! I love being at home with Lily more than anything, but sometimes the walls of this house make me crazy! :) And you can only walk the mall so many times. I can't wait to be in the sunshine! It's supposed to be in the high 60s out there, which will feel nearly tropical after the weather we've been having. We're going to stay in Scottsdale mostly and then spend one night up at the Grand Canyon. I've never been there before but always wanted to - I really can't wait!
Anybody been out that way and have some tips or recommendations? Also - and this is the part I am dreading! - any tips for flying with an 8 month old? I'm hoping she'll nap some of the time, but that might be wishful thinking. Also, for all you world travelers, how do you deal with the time difference, especially when it'll only be for a few days? Do we go ahead and keep her on the schedule here? Then she'll go to bed at like 5:30 out there :)
Any tips or words of wisdom are much appreciated!

Also, most importantly, I want to send out a special congrats to my good blog pal, Jess. Her little family is growing by leaps and bounds! She and her husband and baby Ava welcomed Ethan into their family last Thursday. She will have her hands full, but I know there's nothing she'd rather be busy with! :) Congrats, Jess!!

First cold :(

Lily woke up in the middle of the night SO miserable! She's got a stuffy head and a slight cough - we're seeing her pediatrician in an hour. Any advice on how to help her feel better? We're putting Vicks for babies on her chest and are considering getting one of those crib wedges to let her be a bit elevated. Any experience with those? I know she'll be fine and all that jazz, but it's the most difficult thing to see her so sad. I want my smiley girl back!

Let's see your holiday decorations!

This is my favorite time of year! I know I've said it, but this year is especially wonderful having our silly Lily in the house. We bought her a pink stocking yesterday, and I can't wait to hang it. I know many others have blogged about having such a hard time dealing with being childless around the holidays. I told my mom yesterday that I remember SO clearly this time last year having trouble wanting to attend anything even remotely festive. BUT, something about the music and the lights and people just being a bit nicer in general made me feel comforted - even while I was neck deep in my own hurt last year. I know not everyone who reads this is religious, but for me, I truly experience a feeling of closeness to God during this season. It's nice to be able to pause and take in the glory of creation and how much I know God loves us.

SO - I want to post a few pictures here of my holiday decorations (what's up so far anyway). And if you have some, I'd love to see yours! No matter what holiday you're celebrating - let's see your festivities:) Leave a comment, post them on your blog - whatever.

The first one is our fab retro aluminum Christmas tree posted specially for Melissa:) My husband is nuts for antiques and anything "retro." So, we have an aluminum tree complete with revolving color wheel. From the outside, our living room flashes red, blue, and green. It looks like we're operating some sort of disco in there. :)

Enjoy and share your pics with me! :)

A collage it is :)

The lovely, talented, and too sweet Miss Rachel with all of her photographic talents made me the most beautiful collage of Lily's pictures. Check it out:





Isn't that gorgeous! I'm so excited to get them sent out! What a difference a year makes, I tell ya. Last year, it was all I could do to send out cards to just a few people. This year, I just might order 100. :)
Thank you, my dear Rachel! :)
A picture for Melissa of my retro aluminum tree is coming soon! :)

Playground. 3:00.

So it's settled. We're all going to kick the butts of all these evil commenters. :) I love it. Thanks for always having my back, girls! Can we also all chant, "fight, fight, fight" as it's going on?

On to the real, important matters at hand. Although I have been in Lily's face since about day one saying "mamamamama" she sure enough is now saying "dadadadada." It doesn't mean anything, I know, but still. :)

Also, I am having a heck of a time choosing Christmas card photos. Every time I look at them, a new one becomes my favorite. I'm going to post a few, and I would LOVE your input - I can choose two. Even if you've never commented before, help a girl out! Thanks!! :)

Horrible comments

I hate to even give this any attention because I don't want to give whoever this person is the satisfaction of knowing he or she bothered me. But, I want to say that it's incredibly cowardly to post horrible comments on someone's blog anonymously. What in the world do you know about me, my life, my daughter, and her birthmother? Nothing at all. Your lack of facts in your comments prove that. My daughter's birthmother was NOT on any medication when she decided to place. She was not coerced in any way and to imply that she didn't make the decision herself is taking away from her strength and courage as a young woman and mother to two young boys who she was struggling to feed when she got pregnant with our daughter. Deciding to place Lily was the hardest thing she has ever or will ever do; I'm sure. And insinuating that she wasn't in the proper mental state to do so is grossly incorrect. How dare you presume anything about her or about us.
I'm sorry to my blog pals and kind readers who have offered me nothing but support, but this makes me shake with fury. I don't want to go password protected because every week I get posts or emails from people new to adoption who feel just a bit less alone because of blogs like mine. But, I also don't want to have to wake up to evil comments, either. I probably should have waited to post until I thought more about all of this, but blogging is my therapy in lots of ways, so I'm not going to censor myself. Is there any way to avoid password protection by disallowing anonymous comments? Can I require people submit an email address? Again, I'm sorry for this little outburst, but it pisses me off so much. I know lots of you have gone PP - any advice on getting these commenters to at least have to be accountable for what they post?

Edit: One more thing I want to make crystal clear. Autumn was in no way, shape or form forced to sign consent 24 hours after the birth. She is the one who scheduled the signing time - not us and not the agency. Utah law says it is legal for a woman to sign 24 hours, but she is not required to. She can sign a year later if she so chooses. Another fact this commenter chose to ignore or skew. That is all I will say about this. I hope:)

I'm a domestic goddess

I baked an apple pie. From scratch. Okay, okay, so the crust was Pillsbury, but STILL! :) I'm so proud! Then last night, I made the yummiest soup FROM SCRATCH. What has gotten into me you may ask? It's the holidays! I am so in love with this time of year; I can't even stand it!



We bought Lily a Christmas dress yesterday, and it brought tears to my eyes when I tried it on her. She looks so beautiful and SO like a little girl. There are moments lately when I lose sight of that tiny baby and see the little girl she's going to be. I know, I know, she's only 8 months, but STILL! I can't believe how fast time is flying. I'm going to put her in front of our retro silver Christmas tree this afternoon and try to get some good pics for our Christmas card. And heck yeah, I'll be posting the good ones on here. Until then, here's a sample of her in her dress: (ignore the socks and pants she has on under it...and the slightly tipsy expression - she was just waking up from her nap:)

I mean it - could you just eat her up? I know I'm biased, but I can't stand how beautiful she is!!

And may I just say, while I'm posting such a random entry here, that I can not fathom how in the world Marie Osmond is still on Dancing with the Stars! Melissa, can you believe it? :) You all know how I feel about this show - and I'm starting to get mad. :)
Happy Thanksgiving to all my pals here in the US! :)

MSN article

There is a fantastic adoption article on MSN this morning. Click here to read it.

It features info on the different types of adoptions as well as personal stories of families created through adoption. I just had to share. AND post my new favorite Lily picture. Is this girl a beauty or what?

Bravery

This community never fails to bring tears to my eyes and joy and strength to my spirit. Along with many others, I was recently nominated for Jenna's Flame of Fortitude. I want to quote her post here:

"You are receiving this honor because you have embodied perseverance in the face of difficulty and shared the journey of your experiences with others proving that a single voice can both be a light of support and a source or humor for those in the midst of their struggle. You are acknowledged here today for allowing others to share in your personal story and providing camaraderie through the power of your words. Each of you has faced a struggle that seems insurmountable to others and you have persevered. For some of you this resiliency was always a part of your character and for others, it was your struggle with infertility that awakened it from deep within you. Regardless of passion, stubbornness, a calling to a greater purpose or a refusal to admit defeat, you are an eternal flame of commitment. You are a veteran of your circumstances and you deserve recognition for your journey."

I want to send this honor straight back to her. She has been through such a year. So have so many of us. I want to pass these words and this honor on to anyone who reads my blog who has been in the trenches this year or last year or EVER. It's something unique to this community - so many women who, rather than tear each other down as is often the case with females, unfortunately, continuously build each other up and offer support, encouragement, a shoulder to cry on and eventually, laughter and a heart full of joy at the birth, adoption, fostering, etc. of a beautiful child. It's an awesome honor to be a part of it.

Make that TWO teeth! :)

This morning as I was feeding Lily her oh so yummy looking sweet potatoes, I noticed a SECOND little white spot next to her brand new first tooth. My girl has gotten TWO new teeth within a week of each other! She never ever cried or acted like they bothered her. She is such a sweet, happy little girl. I finally got a picture where you can sort of see the teeth. She likes to keep her tongue over them, so it's been tough, but here you go. Look hard and see those pearly whites! The camera flash kind of reflected off of them:) I'm also posting one of my new favorites. We'll call it, "I help mom change the sheets." :) I can't believe how big my baby is getting!

We.Have.A.Tooth.

Finally!! After three months of the world's worst drool...we have a tooth:) And it's the cutest, whitest, sweetest little tooth you've ever seen. I'm going to attempt a picture this weekend, so you can bet it'll be on here if she opens up! :) She rubs her little bottom lip over it all the time. She's probably totally weirded out by me constantly picking her up, smacking kisses all over her cheeks squealing, "You have a tooth!" You'd honestly think she'd performed a concerto or something - that's how proud I am of that tiny tooth!

In other news, my dad is out of the hospital. He's still going to need some serious recoup time, but I'm so glad to have him home!
Hope everyone has a great weekend! I'm looking very much forward to catching up on the blogs!

Bad week

Sorry for the delay in posting a few pics. My dad unexpectedly had to be admitted to the hospital over the weekend. He's still there and having a bit of a rough time. Prayers, positive thoughts, etc. are very much appreciated:)

Here are a few pics, though, from the finalization so this post isn't a TOTAL downer. Hopefully this blog is stil anonymous enough that my family won't mind having their picture here! :) I guess I'll find out, huh? :)

Finally Final! :)

Yesterday was by far one of the happiest days of my life. It was SO emotional - honestly, more so than when we were matched. Everything back then was such a whirlwind and so scary - and yesterday's finalization had none of that. It was just pure joy. We swore to always take care of her and that she would have all the rights of any biological child. I just felt strong and so proud of our family. Our judge was so nice. She posed for pictures with us, our families, and Lily's attorney. We laughed so hard that Lily needs representation:) We have a picture of the two of them, too. It better be the ONLY time that girl needs a lawyer in a courtroom! :)
Anyway, I cried, my mom cried, everyone cried:) But tears of SO much joy! To hear them proclaim her with her full name and to write up a birth certificate listing us as her parents. It was amazing. To have your family held up as good and right feels pretty darn great.
Pics coming soon!!! :)

So I'm a big baby!

It has been the weekend from HELL!! I have been so freaked out by that stupid mouse. Just an update, it wasn't a baby mouse - it was full grown, but it just wasn't a rat. We were stupid and left our cat food in the bag under the sink and it got in through an old dryer vent. Nice. Anyway, we tried all weekend to be humane about possibly catching any others in the house. We bought a "Haveaheart" trap and put food on it. Yeah, it's little cronies took all the food from it and didn't set it off. SO, Terminix is coming out today. I feel a bit guilty about it, but at the same time, we have a six month old baby who is on the floor all the time. I don't want anything like that around her. What a mess!!

Thanks for all the support and those of you who said, Yep, we've been there. :) It made me feel so much better!

Lily has been in her crib playing a lot this weekend. Yes, I kept her off the floor. I'm super neurotic; I know. Anyway, I took the cutest set of pictures of her. I swear, she is starting to look like a little girl and not like a tiny baby anymore. It makes me sad, but also so proud! :)

Take a look; doesn't she look like she's thinking, "You've got to be kidding me, mom! Get over it!" :)

Um.GROSS.

So I am freaking out. I swear we have a nice house and that I am a GOOD housekeeper:) Tonight as we were sitting watch our football team lose yet another game, my husband saw a tiny little mouse scurry under our couch. Yes, I screamed. Seriously, I am a total girly girl; we have pest control out to our house about once every two or three months. I freak if I see a tiny little bug anywhere in the house. A mouse. We spent about two hours trying to entice our fat cats to want to help us get it out from under the couch. We flipped it over so it couldn't hide there and finally it ran under the bookshelf. The dummy left his tail sticking out. We finally got a giant beer brewing bucket from downstairs and some rubber gloves and my husband grabbed it's little tail, stuck it in the bucket and we deposited him WAAAYY down the street in a field. Yes, it was teeny tiny and it looked soft, but I don't think I'll sleep tonight at all. You guys!! A mouse. What in the world is that about? Does this mean there are more? What should we do?
Terminix is getting a very early morning phone call from yours truly tomorrow. I think you should be able to call an emergency pest control person, don't you? :)

In a rut

I know I just posted about how all this motherhood stuff is finally clicking. And it still is for the most part. Lily's a champion sleeper, she has no eating issues now that the reflux has been figured out, and she is SO good natured. The little tiny problem I'm having right now is boredom. I know that's awful, but it's true. I feel like I'm running out of things to do with her. We can play in the jumperoo or with toys on the floor, but then what? We're using just one car to try to be more eco-friendly, so when my husband is working, we're kinda stuck here. Any ideas for things to do with a 6 1/2 month old? Great toys to invest in? Silly games to play? I'm not sure how much longer I can listen to the songs on the jumperoo...they're invading my dreams at night. :)

Finalization / the situation in Guatemala

I really can't wait. I know I've said it a million times, but I didn't think it would mean this much to me. It's just a "formality." But, I've been reading up on the situation with Guatemalan adoptions. Have you heard about this? I've read blogs about parents who have been in Guatemala since being matched with their baby. One couple has been there for five months WITH their child and now there is the alarming possibility that they might not be able to adopt him. And where would he go? Right back to the orphanage. Why in the world would this happen? Who in their right mind would say this is the best thing? According to this site the Guatemalan government feels there are too many unethical adoption practices linked to international adoption. I won't waste anyone's time and argue that it's not true, because we all know adoption can be ridiculously corrupt. So fine - go ahead and reform laws and work on the system. But do it starting now. Don't say that couples already matched and in love with their baby have to go home or start the process again. They're already parents to that child in their heart. It's not like buying a new car - like they can just get back on the list and start over and be fine. We're talking about families here. Families already made.

The good news is that apparently both sides (US and Guat.) are caving a bit and saying that adoptions already in the process can proceed, but how long with that last? It makes me NUTS!
So, back to my original reason for this post - hearing about families already so bonded and in love with their babies makes me want our finalization done NOW. It's a formality, but it's one I want to be over and done with.

Also, if you have more news on the situation in Guatemala, please comment. I'd love to learn more!

Sitting up!

Just LOOK at this girl! She's sitting up all by herself. (yes, that's a squishy exercise mat under her - we're not taking any chances.) It was really overnight - she just decided she wanted to do it and now she can sit there for an hour and just play with her toys and babble to them and us and well...just to herself. It's the greatest! AND it's really freed me up SO much to do other things. I can sit her in her high chair with a toy and she'll just play and hang out while I clean or cook or whatever. I LOVE IT! It's funny how hard this mom thing can be at times and then there are other times where it really just clicks!! I'm in one of those click times right now and life is good :)

Time Flies

Happy six months, my beautiful girl. I can't believe it's been half a year since I first saw this beautiful face. Thank you for the best six months of my life so far. Nothing is better than being your mommy.

I love you!

Final Post Placement Vist - OVER! :)

We had such a wonderful weekend. The weather was gorgeous, we had friends and family around us, and most importantly, we finished Lily's post placement! Our meeting Friday couldn't have been better. Lily put on her best show:) She rolled over and sat up and squealed and giggled at our social worker. She said that Lily may be the happiest baby she's ever seen. It made me feel so good and almost validated as a mom in a way to hear someone who is supposed to be ensuring that we're doing well tell us that we're raising a happy girl! :)

Also, I've taken up a new mania. I have given in to the craze that is scrap booking. Oh my gosh, it's like crack. I don't know that first hand, I'm just making a comparison from what I've HEARD about crack and it's addictive qualities :) Anyway, I literally spent every single free minute this weekend scrap booking Lily's lifebook. It brought to the surface all the incredible joy of first seeing her. It made me stop in my tracks and pray so hard for Autumn and her family. It's been very therapeutic and has reminded me so much how blessed I am! Also, it's darn fun. :) Lily sits in her high chair and plays with toys while I scrapbook. It's so much fun to see her growing into a little girl. I feel like she's my little pal now while I do things.

AND, I can't believe I almost forgot, we had to move her up into a "big girl" car seat!! No more snug ride! Yes, I got a little teary:) I can't believe she's six months old tomorrow! So cliche, but where does the time go? Happy Monday, all! :)

It's the small things, really

Two posts in one day. I'm on fire. :) I have to be a total nerd right this second and say how excited I am that the fall tv season is starting. Does that make me lame? Perhaps. Do I care? NO!!! Dancing with the Stars is on THREE nights this week. And all the new shows that looks so great are starting up soon. It really is the little things in life, you know? :) SO....what new shows are you looking forward to this fall? Go ahead, don't be shy. If I admit to watching three nights in a row of Dancing with the Stars, you can feel comfortable to tell me what you're watching. :)

Also, this is the sight I got tonight when I put my girl to bed. She talked to her "friends" in her crib for awhile and turned herself totally sideways. I just had to go in and take a picture. The "experts" would come down on me for going back in once I put her down. What do they know? :) They can kiss it, because if I hadn't, I would've missed the most beautiful thing I've seen all day! :)

100th post AND some great news!

Well...this is exciting:) I can't believe this is my 100th post. All of you with 500 posts, hush! Let me have my moment:)

Now that that's over...the great news. We have a finalization date!! It is set for October 24th. I know it's a technicality and all that, but it feels so important and exciting to me. It will be such a beautiful moment to finally have her "real" name on a legal document. I just can't wait.

Our final post placement visit is Friday, and I can't wait to show our social worker all the new things our girl can do. She is so good with her hands now and has just discovered that toes (her own) are a great toy. It's really incredible how much they learn literally over night.

Woman suing RE for twins from IVF

Have you SEEN this? I love more than anything to watch Morning Joe on MSNBC when I wake up. This morning, I read this on the ticker:

CANBERRA, Australia - An Australian woman who gave birth to twins instead of a single baby after receiving in-vitro fertilization has sued her doctor for the cost of bringing up the second child.
The woman, who cannot be identified because of a court order, is seeking more than 400,000 Australian dollars (US $332,000) to cover the expense of raising one child until age 21.
Testifying in the Supreme Court of the Australian Capital Territory on Tuesday, the 40-year-old mother said she told her doctor, Robert Armellin, that she only wanted one child. But an embryologist under the doctor's supervision implanted two embryos in her uterus, resulting in the birth of non-identical twin girls.
The woman told the court that she and her partner were devastated when they learned she was carrying twins, and had even considered putting one of the babies up for adoption.
She said that while she enjoyed some aspects of her pregnancy, such as decorating the girls' nursery, other parts were distressing, including purchasing a stroller, or pram.
"It was like the last frontier of acceptance to spend hundreds of dollars on a pram," she said.
The couple, whose combined income exceeds A$100,000 (US $82,875), are seeking A$398,000 (US $329,000) to cover the costs of raising one of the girls, including private school fees. They also want around A$15,000 (US $12,427) to compensate them for time off work and medical expenses.


Okay, I can understand being upset if you said specifically to implant just one, but as someone who once prayed and hoped so hard for a baby, I can't IMAGINE suing the doctor because I had twins. And going in for IVF and then wanting to place one for adoption? Why does this make me SO furious? I don't know, but it does. Seriously, I'm so angry about it. It seems so ridiculous to me. I'll adopt your "extra" baby, lady.

Solid Foods - finally SUCCESS:)

I have a hidden bad mommy secret. I didn't want to start Lily on solid foods at all, and I have been very lazy about trying to get her to eat them. We tried a few times with no luck at all - she just had zero interest in it. She turned her nose right up at it. BUT, today it was just like something clicked. I made a tablespoon of rice cereal (a bit thicker than the previous times, which I'm sure helped), and she ate the entire thing. I really think like so many things in life, she just had to be ready for it. It was the greatest, and I had so much fun with it. Here are a few of the obligatory food pics; now that I look at them closely, she looks a bit frightened. :)

Book Review: On Borrowed Wings

I am loving doing these book reviews! The Mother Talk book I have just finished is "On Borrowed Wings" by Chandra Prasad. This is a book I would've chosen for myself off the shelves at any bookstore. The cover is absolutely gorgeous and the premise of a young woman in the 1930's taking on the persona of her deceased brother to enroll at then "males only" Yale is one that would've surely sparked my interest. I love novels with strong female protagonists - they are hard to find. Adele is a bright, sharp, yet sensitive dreamer. She has grown up in a world where marrying someone who works at the local mine is what is expected of her. I loved watching her sense of adventure and longing for more in her life unfold. Prasad has written a lovely coming of age novel.

I will say that the idea of a woman disguising herself as a man (Shakespeare's Rosalind in "As You Like It, Viola in "Twelfth Night") is not a new one, and it is one with which I struggle to suspend my disbelief. The only pause I gave the novel was accepting the idea that any woman could truly impersonate a man so well as to be able to live, sleep, eat, learn, etc. with them and not be discovered. There were also a few scenes that just didn't play well with me. Adele seems to step out of herself a time or two and engages in some things that were strange and uncomfortable to read.

All in all, I did enjoy the novel. The character of Adele is well-written, and as previously mentioned, I always like reading something with a strong female protagonist.

But wait, aren't we still going to try?

Oh, how I wish I had a laptop in the car that I could somehow blog on! I was going crazy last night driving home from my mom's house because I had this great post working in my head. I know it won't come out as well the morning after:)

We were visiting family this weekend and my husband and I had the longest talk about infertility, adoption, and continuing to "try" for a bio baby. I started out talking to him about the post I had previously written detailing the whole aren't you still trying thing. I felt bad when I read Mayhem's comment (NOT because of the comment -I love Mayhem, her blog, and her comments!, but because of what it made me realize.) I have tended to post only the negative comments we've gotten because I let them bother me way too much. At the heart, people aren't trying to be mean - they just can't possibly understand the "stuff" behind what they're saying. I need to try to focus on all the unbelievable support we've had. My mom is my rock. She quite possibly loves Lily as much as I do. My sister, brother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law - they are all so nuts for our girl. I need to remember how little it matters what some near-stranger thinks or knows about our family. I need to turn my focus toward the fact that six months ago, I had no idea that this beautiful little person was on her way to us. And when (because it will happen) people make stupid comments, I need to respond with all the love that I have in my heart for my daughter.

BUT, that's not really what this post is about:) I started talking to my husband yesterday about the post and about how bad I felt for not posting more positive things sometimes, and he comes out of NOWHERE and says, "Well, aren't we still going to try?" Um....knock me over with a feather. How can it be (and I know you've all been there!) that I spend about 90% of my time with this man but sometimes I have no idea what's going on in that head. We talked and talked...and talked some more about the issue. Here is another thing that is truly behind my complete lack of interest in pregnancy. I would do anything in the world to protect Lily from feeling like she's second best. If she ever felt like she was just part of the "meantime" while we were waiting for a bio child, it would break my heart. Because nothing in the world is farther from the truth. I know lots of families have a combo of adopted and bio kids- my good blog pal Jess is currently mommy to beautiful Ava and has a little one on the way- do you ever worry about that? Is it okay to ask that personal of a question or am I being one of "those" people? :) Maybe it's a great way to teach kids about love and what family truly is - not genetics, but people who love, support, and care about each other. I need to do some more thinking about it. :) I'm excited to read comments about this - I want to know how others feel/deal with it.

And way down deep at the bottom of my psyche - I do not want to open my heart to the pregnancy door again. I don't want to venture into any more pain. I truly have dealt with the grief of accepting I probably won't be pregnant and give birth. I don't want to go down the path of RE visits and shots and drugs and sperm washes and the intense pain of negative pregnancy tests with still only a REMOTE chance of ever conceiving. I can't do it - not when I know in my heart that adoption is the way we are supposed to build our family. My husband totally understood and agreed, and I feel so blessed to be married to this man who loves me and our daughter so completely.

Adoption isn't for everyone, and I feel like it IS the way for us to build our family. And this is not at all intended to knock anyone who disagrees or anyone who has a blended (adopted and bio) family. I think any way a family is built is beautiful! And it's not just so I can be spared the pain of infertility because heaven knows adoption is not pain-free. :) But, adopting Lily has been the best experience of my life. I can't imagine not doing it again. It was one of those experiences you can't fully appreciate until you look back because you're not capable of processing so many intense emotions all at once.

This post is ALL over the place, but I have to end with a few pics from the weekend. My gorgeous nephew is still trying to decide how he feels about Lily. He is so gentle with her, but he doesn't like it much that she gets a bottle and he no longer gets one. He's also not a fan of Lily on his mama's lap! :) But, he pats her so gently on the head and when he comes around a corner and sees her, he gives a little squeal and giggle. According to his mom, he doesn't pay that kind of attention to any of the other babies at church. And she just lights up when she sees him. It's amazing and it totally warms my heart. THAT is what family is! :) Isaiah, if you recall, isn't biologically related to us, either. He and Lily share no blood, but they already "know" and "love" each other (in their own special baby ways!) Finding someone who will also put a tupperware bowl on their head with you - that's family. :)

You're still trying, aren't you?

It's true. We were asked this just yesterday. "You're still trying (for a biological child), aren't you?" Um....well...number one, what a totally personal, invasive question. I really need to come up with snappy retorts, but I just didn't have one. Next time, do I fire back with, "How often do you TRY for a baby?" wink, wink, nudge, nudge....? Second, to me (and yet again it may be my ultra-sensitive nature) it's implying that we're still shooting for the goal, for the ultimate prize of finally conceiving. I already HAVE my ultimate prize - she's a silly round bundle of baby who is currently staring at me like she already knows who runs this house. :) I don't want to fight the adoption fight with every single conversation I have about it, but some things just make me so mad.
For the record, too, and maybe this needs to be part of my snappy retort, for most of us infertiles, there's no real trying outside of a lab or doctor's office. Sorry for the bluntness, but we're not using pills or anything to prevent pregnancy, but that doesn't cause me to ovulate a good egg or magically have a baby start growing some place it probably can't, now does it? When I asked our RE about whether or not I should go on the pill to prevent, she said our chances of ever conceiving (even WITH all their fancy schmancy help) was remote. Remote ain't good. It was also followed with a "but little miracles happen every day." You know what, though? I'm NOT looking to get pregnant. I am very happy with our daughter, and I feel like the right thing for us to do if/when we are ready for a second baby is to adopt him/her, as well. Adoption, for us, is not a consolation prize. I'm all up on my soapbox, but Lily isn't what we did in the meantime while we were secretly waiting and hoping to get pregnant. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with building a family through adoption or bio kids or BOTH - I'm not at all arguing against having a biological child if you've adopted or adopting after you've already had a bio child - what bothers me here is the implication that Lily was a short cut (PLEASE! Short cut my you know what!) to a child while we continue to strive for our "own." Too sensitive - wouldn't be the first time. Idiot asking questions - won't be the last, I'm sure. :)

Oh Happy Day

Most importantly, my wonderful, beautiful blog pal GLouise has just become a mommy. She and her husband have just adopted lovely little Elizabeth. Please go over and wish her congrats; they are going to be wonderful parents, and they have waited and prayed for this little girl for so long.

Next, my silly little Lily has ROLLED OVER!!! She did it three times in her crib yesterday. Isn't it funny the things that fill your heart with joy? You would've thought she cured cancer with the way we were going on and on about it. She's just brilliant! :) The following are two pictures that we took right before the momentous event took place:)

Lastly, I scheduled our final post-placement visit this morning. On Sept. 28th, we will meet with the social worker for the final time. Just one more step toward finalization. Things are pretty sunshine-y this morning!

Cool Mornings

We slept with the windows open last night. That is by far one of my favorite things in the world to do. I love cool nights and mornings where you get to bury under the covers and sleep with just your face out. (and a foot for me...I have to have one foot out of the covers at all times.) :)

I love fall and after the past 20 days of 95+ temps, I am thrilled to have the windows open and feel a cool breeze. We even put Lily in a little sleeper this morning. Look at the cuteness; she looks totally freaked out, doesn't she? :)

Early Morning Ramblings

My little stinker decided that 5:00 am was the exact right time to practice her talking. She loves to babble away to herself in her crib, and I usually cherish the sounds...usually. :) I tried to go back to sleep now that she's snoozing away again, but I keep thinking about things to do, so now I'm up watching Morning Joe on MSNBC and blogging so as to avoid all the things I "have" to do today. (They're doing coverage of the Princess Diana memorial...and may I say that those princes are sure nice looking young men.) :)


I also wanted to vent for a sec about the issue I wrote about a few days ago that we're dealing with concerning my husband's little brother. He had a birthday party on Sunday, and we were really nervous about taking Lily over there after what happened with him taunting her about being adopted and blah, blah, blah. Well, there was none of that this time, but he was SO rough with her. He kept grabbing her arms, and I'd tell him to stop three or more times before he would. We finally just kept her away from him. As we were leaving, she was in her carseat and was admittedly being a touch grouchy ( I would be, too, after being manhandled by an obnoxious kid), and he knelt down and SCREAMED into her face. it freaked her out so bad and took us a few minutes to get her calmed down. I thought my husband was going to put him through a window. It's so upsetting because he is family, but it's to the point where I don't want her anywhere near him. My husband talked to his dad about it, but the entire thing was totally dismissed as "too much sugar." I'm really not so sure. It's a touch too much psycho for me. What do you do when parents won't discipline their kid and it impacts your kid?

In happy "couple" news, Lily spent the night last weekend with her grandparents and gave us a night totally to ourselves. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to dress up and be just me for awhile. It reminded me how important it is to get away for awhile and not to be "mommy" all the time. It's tough for me not to be on Lily-patrol 24/7, but I'm realizing more and more that I need it, my husband needs it, and Lily needs it! I want her to be comfortable with other people, and I want some of my life back. I think we're going to plan a small weekend getaway this fall for our anniversary. I'm really looking forward to it. Any location recommendations?

Picture Post

Sad to say, but there is nothing much new at our house!! Soooo...instead of a fun-filled post, I'm going to leave a few new pics of my girl. She's growing like crazy!!! :) And we wanted to go get her a bumbo seat because she wants to sit up SO bad...but her legs are too chubby to fit. We laughed so hard. :) The box says they fit babies up to 12 months...what do they know!!

Since there's nothing much to comment on here, (other than my daughter's incredible, matchless beauty! :) why don't YOU leave me an update on you in the comment section. What's new? How are things? Fill me in! :)

Open Adoption Article

My good blog pal, GLouise, posted recently about an article found in the LA Times regarding Open Adoption. Before I even get into my thoughts on it, I'm going to link it so you can read for yourself.

Link One



Link Two



Now that you've read it, if you're a prospective adoptive parent you're probably freaked out, and if you're an adoptive parent, you may just be as frustrated as I am. All parents are advocates for their kids. It's an especially tricky path to navigate at times in dealing with adoption. As you know, our adoption is semi-private meaning we do pictures and letters. That is by Autumn's request. If she wanted to see us, I'd be on the first flight. Maybe someday she will.



In reading the article, especially the horribly skewed stats at the end, I can't help but feel that we've all been portrayed incorrectly yet again. I know the reporter did TONS of research on this specific case. I do not doubt that Kendall struggled in dealing with her birth and adoptive mothers. BUT, pinning the blame on the adoption itself is completely wrong. She had a mother-figure in and out of her life for her entire childhood. There were spans of time where her birthmom was completely gone without a word. She didn't call when she said she would and she missed big events she said she'd come to. ANY child with a parental figure who behaves that way might have issues stemming from childhood, in my ever so humble opinion.



Also, the stats at the end....you can skew statistics to say whatever you want them to say. We have no idea what their full study group looks like. Our homestudy was excellent in debunking adoption myths; our social worker just emailed me after reading the article and stated,"one reason it appears that adopted children may have more needs, emotionally and developmentally is that adoptive parents tend to make more money and are more likely to see that if their children have problems they will definitely seek help vs. lower income families who may not have the resources to seek help for their children's problems." Now about the more money bit...well, that's not us :) But, I do agree that as adoptive parents and as people who have endured infertility (for the most part) we are maybe more sensitive to any emotional issues that may arise.



I have one more point to make, and it's not the most "politically correct" thing I've ever said. And I hope very much that it's taken the right way. Birthmoms are amazing, and I am NOT stereotyping; I am sharing my own personal experience. Our first match that fell through was a baby who would've most likely been born addicted to cocaine because his mom was using. I know most birthmoms do NOT use drugs, but I am saying that in that specific situation, if we would have had to eventually have that baby treated for any sort of behavior or emotional disorder or any special need, would it be because he was adopted? Or maybe, just maybe could it be because of the prenatal exposure to cocaine? I DO feel that in saying that 41% of people adopted as infants need therapy for emotional issues and 24% need special education, the extenuating circumstances need to be known (NOT necessarily drug use)! Adoption does not equal a need for special education!



I guess my entire point is that I just wish for once that an article would be done that portrayed adoption in a positive light. There are families who are messed up - biological and adopted. But, adoption doesn't necessarily define a family - it's just the way it is created. Where are the examples of people who were adopted who are happy, well-adjusted people? Because I have a few friends/co-workers who are adopted, and they are incredible, successful people. A few of them have their birthmoms in their lives and a couple don't. Either way, they all are very attached to their adoptive parents, actually they're just their PARENTS. Period.



I hope this comes across well; I don't want to offend anyone at all. I'm not pro or anti open adoption, and I don't think that it's because her birthmom was in her life that Kendall had issues. I think it's because she dealt constantly with the threat of rejection - the article even states that. I just get so tired of adoption stereotypes and nothing but anecdotal evidence to back it up.

I am now linking some articles I've found that debunk all this negativity:

Nature vs. Nurture: A New Look at How Families Work



Good News: Adopted Kids Do Just As Well



Study Disputes Adoption Myths

Good gracious, this has taken me an hour to write because I'm so afraid I'm offending someone:) But, I really think something needs to be said - this article is not a fair representation of our families. I plan to email the reporter immediately, and if you feel as I do, I hope you'll do so, as well.

Happy weekend! :)

My first book review!

I love to read! In elementary school, the only time I got in trouble was when I was caught reading "A Wrinkle in Time" under my desk during Math. :) That being said, I am thrilled to post my first book review for Mother Talk. James Patterson's "Maximum Ride: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports," is the author's latest young adult novel. Young adult? What? James Patterson, the author of such ADULT novels as "Kiss the Girls" and "Along Came A Spider" has also written an exciting, fresh series geared toward kids. Who knew? Well, everyone but me apparently! :) This series has quite a following! I must admit I was hesitant when I started reading. The premise involves a flock of Bird Kids who are trying to save the planet from a mad scientist. Bird kids? Yes, they have bird DNA and can fly. I was never a huge fan of science fiction, but the book is engaging and I can definitely see why it has such a huge and dedicated following.

Before even getting into the novel, I started to do some looking into its appeal. Max, the novel's main character is a 14-year old strong, sassy chick, yet she also demonstrates compassion toward the younger members of the flock. I love it! It can be tough to find strong female characters in young adult novels. I know that's something I looked for when I was choosing novels for my students to read. I taught at an all-girls school and found that the girls always responded best to reading female leads they could identify with. Also, the novel appeals to young people through technology. Max's "love interest," Fang, has a blog. That's right, bloggers, 6 Kids, 12 Wings, and 1 Blog is a place where Fang (and Max occasionally) post updates encouraging kids to become bloggers themselves, gives updates on a possible movie, and on future books.

"Maximum Ride" is, in my opinion, for younger readers. I can't imagine my 15 year old sister-in-law enjoying it, but I know my 11 year old cousins would probably love it. I would caution parents about having younger children read it due to the amount of violence. It's nothing too graphic, but it's there. "Maximum Ride" is full of hip and trendy language that does not really appeal to the older reader. Or am I just not hip? Who knows. But, when dealing with trying to get kids to read, it doesn't really matter if the book appeals to us fogies. What matters is that more than 5 million kids were so excited about the book that they clicked on the website to encourage a movie. Anything that gets kids that excited about reading is okay by me.

Rough night

We took Lily to visit my husband's family tonight. He has a younger brother (A) who is only 7. I left the room for about five minutes and returned to Lily in her swing with A standing next to her singing "You're a little baby. You are adopted. You don't have a mommy. She is not your real mommy." I lost it; my face turned hot and tears just spilled out of my eyes. He's a child; I know. And when his mom and I realized what he was singing, his mom was horrified and did take him back into his room for awhile. She told me she talked to him about it, and here's the thing, he LOVES Lily. He's so proud to tell everyone she's his niece. I know he doesn't even really know what he's saying and he's probably really just interested in the whole process, but, I'm still shaken up a bit. I didn't mention anything to my husband because I don't want to upset him. So I'm letting my sadness and fear out here. I never want her to hear that again, but she will. I know she will hear things like that from people who don't understand. And I love her so much and I feel with my whole entire heart so deeply that she is my daughter that it breaks my heart to think that even though she's only a baby that she has heard already a voice tell her that she has no mommy and that I am not her mommy.
I am going to hold my baby now. Happier posts tomorrow; I'm sure.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call Mother

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to
Live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears

One gave you up
It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you

And now you ask me
Through your tears
The age old question
Through the years

Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of
Neither, my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love
-Author unknown

There are parts of this where the language bothers me (Autumn continues to love Lily; I'm sure of it. And she didn't "give her up," she "placed" her. But, it gives me chills and makes me teary each time I read it. Two different kinds of love. That's it.

4 mo. appt. - Shots are from the devil

I have the absolute saddest baby in the world tonight. She is running a slight fever and has slept almost the entire day after getting home from her shots. She was up for about an hour tonight and was okay for a bit, but then she started whimpering, and it nearly broke my heart! Seriously, I think I might sleep in her room tonight. More for me than for her! :)

Our girl is perfect, though. The doctor was very impressed (which I loved!!!) with how strong she is and said she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally (of course, of course). :) She is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Keep growing, little girl! She is SUCH a ham, too. Whenever anyone talks to her, she smiles and squeals. The doctor could hardly listen to her heartbeat because she was cooing and squealing so much. What a silly Lily! :)

I'm also so happy to hear that other moms and soon to be moms have run away spots, too. I won't tell anyone...don't worry! :)

4 months old!

Our baby girl is four months old today! We get to mark the occasion by visiting the pediatrician and getting FOUR shots. It's such a nightmare; much more so for Mommy than for Lily! :) She's sound asleep now moving her little lips like she has a paci...but she doesn't.

I'm feeling mighty reflective today. Every month, I send Autumn a packet with a letter and new pictures of Lily and I pray so hard for her and her family. I know I've said this before, but I miss her so much and wish so badly that I could just know how she's doing. But, I know that she knows how to contact us and will when/if she's ready.

Also, I'm reflecting on being a mom. It's totally cliche, but I never knew I could love this much. But, I've also been having a tough couple of days. Any mom who tells you she's always got it together is lying! :) Being a stay at home mom is the best thing for me, but it's also much more difficult than I thought it would be. I spend about an hour last night crying out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. (Please, please don't post a comment here if you're going to say that there are many women out there who would do anything to be in my position. I know how blessed I am, but I want to be able to express myself here honestly, and honestly, I'm beat!) :) I feel terrible to admit it, but there are moments when I think, "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" I think so many women have a romanticized version of mommy-hood in their heads; especially those of us who have struggled with infertility and who want a baby so badly. And nobody ever admits that they have days where they want to "run away." My mom and I talked over the weekend, and she told me she felt like that from time to time. I was really surprised. My mom is this amazing super-woman, and I know she adores us. I've said a million times that if I can be half the mother she is, I'll be in good shape. She said her "runaway" spot is Wyoming:) She used to think to herself, "I'll just get a little cottage in the mountains. A nice peaceful spot where I can go to the bathroom without a baby crying or a kid barging in." :) I loved it! My runaway spot is Mexico...I hear the beach calling me. But then, I see the most beautiful little girl smile up at me, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Spit-up stains, dirty diapers, exhaustion, frustration and all!

I finished the book! and new Lily pictures

I have been totally MIA online because if I had read a Harry Potter spoiler, I would've been so disappointed. It wouldn't have ruined my life like some of the people I've seen on the news lately:), but I would've been bummed. And I LOVED it!! It was everything I could havewanted and it's not often that a book can say that. Especially one so hyped. Fellow fans, feel free to comment, but no spoilers for those who are still carving out time in their busy schedules of new mommy-ness or during work or IVF cycles or whatever :)

We had some professional pictures taken of Lily and of us as a family. Some of them are good, but she was so grumpy that they just don't capture her Lily-ness. :) I have to say that my favorite pictures are the ones we've taken here at home. So many of the professional ones just don't look like her. I mean, I know they are her, but they don't capture what I see every day. But, they are beautiful and I'm going to post a few. And I'm going to do something I didn't think I'd ever do and post one of us and one of our little family. Now that I'm not teaching, I don't feel the need to be AS "undercover" on this blog. Watch that just bite me in the hiney, but whatever. The ones with us are hilarious because she just looks so uninterested in taking pictures. We're both all smiley and she's just like, Whatever, get this over with. There's also a great one of her and my nephew. He thought he'd be a nice cousin and share his thumb with her:) I'll also post one that we've taken so you can see the real deal. :) It's one of my new favorites when she's just gotten up from her nap. I love her sleepy little eyes. Yes, we let her nap on her tummy. Our pedi. said it's fine since she's got such great head control AND because we check on her regularly AND because she's close to rolling over on her own. Mom guilt...it's a terrible thing. :)

Also, I took Lily out to have lunch with a friend yesterday. The hostess lifted up her carrier cover to see her and said, "Oh my gosh, that is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen." I smiled like always and said, "Isn't she?" :) And THEN, she asked how old she is and I told her....and she said, "Oh my gosh, that's it? I bet she weighs more than my 2 year old." I thought I might have to throw down with her right there in the Chilis lobby. Lily IS such a chub. BUT, she's a baby and she's healthy and happy, and that's how they're supposed to be, right? She's not abnormally chubby. It's funny how at home I can call her chubs and giggle at her leg rolls, but when the hostess at Chilis tells me my 4 month old weighs as much as her 2 year old, it's on.

:)

I Heart Harry Potter - NO spoilers :)

I'm about to show my true self. I have to confess something to you. I am nuts for Harry Potter. I just saw The Order of the Phoenix tonight (LOVED IT!), and I think I may go crazy waiting for Sat. Yes, I will be one of those people in line waiting for the new book. I am going to avoid all things news and media related until I finish the book because I think it would seriously make me have a melt down if the ending was told to me before I finished.
Some of you may slowly be backing away from my blog now:) But, I have a feeling I'm not alone in this mania! :) I'm off to find summaries of the previous couple of books so I can remind myself of all the small details. I know I have a small child to attend to...she'll be alright for a day or two, right? (kidding!!!...mostly...) :)

2 down, 1 to go! :)

We had our second post-placement meeting yesterday. It was a total breeze. We were asked questions about bonding and whether or not we had heard anything from Autumn. Our social worker said Lily seems far ahead of most babies her age (of course!), and that she is one of the happiest babies she's ever seen. We think that, but it's very nice to hear a social worker say so:) She also gave us a timeline for finalization. I never thought finalization would be so important to me because from what I hear it's mostly a formality. But, I can't wait! It will be such a special day! Hopefully we'll have a court date in October some time. Our agency requires the baby be at least six months old.

In non-baby related life (is there such thing?), we are starting to consider taking a little vacation in Dec. We really want to go back to Mexico, and I know it's not something that a baby would enjoy. I am SO torn, though, about leaving her. We've been away from her only one night (My husband's 30th birthday), and it was killer! But, we did end up having a great time, and it was so nice to be "responsibility-free" for one night. But, could I do a week? Am I terrible for even considering it this early in her life? Would a shorter time be better? She will be 8 months by then, and I do think it would be so good for our marriage to be able to refocus on each other for a bit. Not that we're in trouble!!! :) Just had to clarify! The beach just sounds soooo good to me right now! I'm off to do a little vacation research online...I'm strange, but I like the planning of a vacation nearly as much as the trip itself :)

My blog's title

I've gotten a few emails over the course of my blog about my title and where it comes from. When we started our adoption journey, my Nana (the world's sweetest woman....and the best cook!) sent me this poem:

Not flesh of my flesh,
Nor bone of my bone,
But still miraculously my own.
Never forget for a single minute,
You didn't grow under my heart - but in it
- Fleur Conkling Heylinger

It may sound silly, but I get the chills every single time I read it. The "pregnancy" tends to be a bit longer. The labor is a different kind of pain, but still as intense. And I feel with my entire being that Lily grew in my heart as I prayed for her and waited for her to come home.

3:00 am feedings and being a mommy

I can't believe I haven't posted yet this month. I'm a bad blogger! :) Lily has been the world's best sleeper...until now. She's started getting up for a bottle again around 3:00 am and then going back to sleep until 9 or so. I'm not going to not feed her when she's crying and her little tummy rumbles when the food hits it. But, I feel like we're going backwards and starting "bad habits." Any advice? Anybody else have this happen around 4 months?

Also, in adoption-related news, even though Lily's birthfather is deceased, we had to have paternal rights relinquished (love the red tape!). We got a letter from our attorney today stating they have been. And we have our second post-placement on Monday. So, now all we have to do for finalization is wait for the six month waiting period to be over.

The real reason for this post, though, isn't 3:00am feedings. Lily laughed two days ago for the first time! And something unbelievable opened up in me. I've loved her and nurtured her and been her mom from day one, but this was different. Warning, I am about to get sappy and emotional. For all of you women out there who are waiting to be moms, I can't tell you enough how worth every single second of pain and heart break is. Anyone contemplating adoption who thinks, "Will I love this baby like my own?" You will. There is NO love like this. There is no way any person loves any other person more than I love my Lily. Some day you will either finally conceive your baby or you will be matched with the baby who is meant for you, and you will know. This journey is SO hard; it is the toughest thing most of us will ever endure. But, I would do every single thing the exact same way because it gave me Lily. When I was growing up, I always pictured my kids with blond straight hair...I guess because that's what I have. God blessed me with a dark, curly headed little girl that makes me smile and laugh and brings me more joy and hope and faith in Him and in the good in the world than I ever thought possible. If you're reading this and going through the pain of infertility, please take comfort that someday, even though you don't know when, you will have a little one who will laugh for the first time and will completely and utterly take over your entire heart...and house:)

I did it! I worked out today!

I just feel so good about myself after I work out. It's SO hard to get the motivation to do it, but once it's over, I feel like I'm a champ:) I rented "The Biggest Loser" workout DVD from Blockbuster, and it kicked my butt! But, I loved it:) It's so inspirational to see the people on there who have worked so hard and gotten into such great shape. And I love the idea that it's not really about getting "skinny" but about being the best you can be.

If any of you guys are working out or trying to get into shape and want to email to try to support each other, I'd so love that. It's tough to find time to devote to working out with Miss Lil in our house, but I have to do it for myself. I feel like I've started to become that "mom" stereotype who doesn't have time for herself, and I don't want that. Look at me all empowered:)

Now if I can just eat right today. That's tougher for me than working out! I heart junk food. :)

Stop looking at the tv, Lily! :)

I have a confession to make. Lily loves television. I don't let her watch, but she does everything in her power to turn toward to the tv and watch whenever it's on. She particularly loved "The Closer" when I watched that. It's hilarious! I can step in front of her or try to turn her little head, and she totally ignores me until she can "watch" her show again.
She cranes her tiny neck around to get a good view. It really is so funny. We don't "let" her watch or just sit her in front of it, so I'm not too concerned developmentally, but it's funny how drawn to it she is. I'm sure it's just because of the flashing lights and changing picture. Or do I have an addict on my hands? :)

A few new pics

I love these. My husband calls her "Chef Lily" and puts her pants on her head. Nice. Aren't her chubby legs the greatest? She's so gorgeous.

My heart could burst with love.