I'm a reader on FIRE!! :)

I have two...count em...two fantastic books I'm reviewing courtesy of Mother Talk for you today - one is a woman's true story about battling infertility and her quest to have a baby on her own and the other, in a dramatic twist, deals with a fifth grader who is saving the world from evil woodchucks:) "Oh, Kat, how in the world did you manage to read two books with a teething, grumpy one year old," you may ask. Lucky for me, one of them is a book geared toward late elementary school kids.

As a former English teacher, I am always on the look out for good books. I know Lily is only one, but I'm always on the lookout for great books to build her library. I think it's tough to find books for young adults. So often, their reading levels are so different and their interests - well, forget about it. Dan Elish's "Attack of the Frozen Woodchucks" is one I bet most young adults would love. I have to say, first of all, cutest part of the entire book is that one of our heroines is a two year old inventor named Imogene. It is really too funny, and I can't imagine any kid not getting a kick out her. Jimmy Weathers, our protagonist, deals with a kidnapped father, racing through space, and yep, frozen woodchucks who are attacking the galaxy. The story is full of adventure and will keep kids of various reading levels entertained - something else that's important to me. Elish doesn't talk down to young readers, either, which is something I find some young adult authors can do. Even through all the fantasy and adventure, there are real issues and young adults will connect to Jimmy and his friends in real ways.

And, as I mentioned previously, it will appeal to young adults of various ages with various interests. The story isn't predictable, it's fresh and new, and it's even got a few fun illustrations by Greg Call to help readers who maybe need a hand visually.

The second book is probably one of many of you would really appreciate. "Choosing You" is Alexandra Soiseth's account of trying to have a baby on her own. At 39 and with no real romantic possibilities on the horizon, she realizes she's ready for a baby and takes matters into her own hands. Even though we obviously didn't go the donor sperm route, I know many of my pals in our community have done this. Soiseth is honest and real about what she goes through. And beyond just dealing with infertility, pregnancy, struggle with weight, and the sometimes horrific nights of new mommyhood, she digs deep into what family really means - something that really hit home for me.

There were lines in this book that I literally highlighted because I couldn't wait to share them here. Upon discovering possible infertility, Soiseth writes, "God, I'm bad at disappointment. This is so terrible. I feel this right down in my bones. I ache with the idea that I can't have a child...Suddenly I hate everyone...I try to figure out whose fault this is so I know where to direct it...How come I don't get to have a family? Why do other women get to have one without even really working at it?" Amen, sister.

She also talks about her insemination. The waiting and wondering. The trying to hold really still and not wanting to move or run or even jostle too much for fear you might "shake it loose." And then after the baby is born...these are passages I could've written myself. I had NO idea it would be so hard. No clue what being seriously sleep deprived would feel like. Of course, no idea I'd love my baby so much, but also times of total panic and despair! See what I mean? Pieces of this book were ME. Were us - parts of all of our stories. I feel like I really learned something from reading this. So often, we want to categorize infertiles. Or adoptions. And say this is how they should be handled. It's just not possible. This book proves that every single situation is unique and everyone must follow their own path. I HIGHLY recommend it!

And now...I am off to rest my tired little head before I'm woken up by the teething monster down the hall. Seriously, just ship me some Motrin. And a fifth of whatever booze you've got! :)_

I need stock in Baby Motrin

Seriously. The teeth are coming in like wildfire. The top two on either side of the front teeth are pushing through and now the ones on the side of the bottom front are little red mounds in her mouth. Needless to say, it's been a tearful time at our house. She was up for nearly two hours in the middle of the night last night just crying and crying. Stupid mom - GET THE MOTRIN!!! :) So today we're keeping better tabs on that. And bedtime is coming early for both of us!

I don't want to say much about this because it's still a new movie and I don't want to ruin it for those of you who want to see it, but I saw "Baby Mama" on Sunday. I absolutely love Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, but I fought anger and a few tears during a few instances in the film. On the other hand, I laughed harder than I have in a long time at other parts. So, I have mixed feelings. I think the way I felt about certain parts of the movie must be how some birth moms felt about "Juno." It was hard for me to understand their feelings until I saw "Baby Mama." It's hilarious, again, but I can't get past the way some of the infertility stuff was handled. Enough said for now because I don't want to ruin it - email me if you want to chat about it!

Off to put the girl to bed. With motrin. And maybe a shot of whiskey. KIDDING!! Don't call the authorities. :)

Bliss

These are photos from our walk today. Lily loves to hold her Daddy's finger while we take our walks. Could life get any better than this? I don't think so. :)

Dirty Little Secrets...Too Dirty?

I am on such a kick right now with wanting to read funny books about what motherhood is REALLY like. It's messy. It can be exhausting. It can make you wonder where the you who lived before kids went. It can make you sometimes want to sit your screaming, teething toddler on the front porch until she stops crying. (Or is that just me?) But, it's also fantastic and makes you experience more love than you ever realized you were capable of. What's missing from some aspects of Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile's new book, "Dirty Little Secrets from Otherwise Perfect Moms," is the love part. I am all about gabbing away with my girlfriends, mom, and sisters about the dirty side of motherhood, but underneath it all, it's always clear that we love our children fiercely. I felt parts of this book were far too dirty and a bit mean spirited for my taste.

To be fair, this is a compilation of actual truths that real moms confessed to the authors. And to be fair, some of them are hysterical. Take, for example, the mother who confesses to letting her toddlers eat dog biscuits. HORRIBLE, right? Well....last week, Lily got into our cat's bowl and ate some of it's food. It's not like I FED it to her and it's not like I'm glad she did it, but it happened. And the mom who listens to hip-hop in the car so often that her kids know all the words - even the bad ones. I can see Lily someday knowing every single word to lots of Ani DiFranco music. Oops. There are also some nuggets of wisdom in here that should make us all feel a lot better about the bad days that you KNOW we all have. Things like admitting to being worried about judgement from other moms. And loving your children, but having that love develop over time.

However, there were some "secrets" that I found very disturbing. Secrets that didn't always have to do with children. One woman admits to quitting her birth control and not telling her husband. Not so funny. Some of the mommy secrets are pretty unfunny, too. A woman admits to pinching her child so hard it left a mark. The way it's worded, also, it sounds like it might not have been a one time deal. That's scary. Yet another was too hung over to get out of bed for her daughter's fifth birthday party. You get the idea.

There are kernels of wisdom in this book. But there are also things that really disturbed me. I thought this book was going to be one of those "gab with your girlfriends and laugh about the kids" books, but a great deal of it involved secrets that were more disturbing than funny. For a book pitched as a "funny and feisty compendium..." with "sweet, funny, thoughtful, and strikingly honest" secrets, I wish there would've been more sweet and funny. It DID make me think, though, of how important it is that as moms we're there for each other rather than judging other women's parenting.

On a happier note, Mother Talk is sponsoring a really fun contest! Submit your own dirty little secret (Jess, go ahead and tell everyone you hogtie Ave to clip her nails. You may as well admit it.:) HERE and you could win a $25 Amazon gift certificate. And who wouldn't love that? :)

Juno (spoilers)

I know I'm probably the last person in the infertility/adoption community to see this movie, but I've finally seen it! To be honest, I was really nervous about it. I'm sensitive to how adoption is portrayed, how birth families are portrayed, etc. that I was sure I'd hate it. I also heard that Jennifer Garner's portrayal of an adoptive mother was a bit over the top. I completely disagree. She was anxious and a bit clingy and wired, but I felt that way many times. And if I could've touched Autumn's belly to feel Lily kick, I totally would've! :)

Things I appreciated:
*Juno's humor. Not adoption or infertility related, but dang funny. I laughed out loud more than once.
*The fact that knowing the baby had fingernails made her rethink an abortion. Sometimes it really is the little things that move us.
*The truth of the martial tension between the adoptive couple. Not that we all have such differences, but the reality of many infertile situations includes some marital stress. Again, they ended up being on totally different wavelengths, but you know what they'd been through contributed. And it was heartbreaking hearing her talk about not having a baby shower because of the previous disappointment they'd suffered. BEEN THERE.
*The symbolism of the note Juno left being hung in a frame in the baby's room. It was where the "perfect" family picture was supposed to go. Sometimes our families aren't created the way we think they should be. Vanessa (the adoptive mother) ended up on her own with the baby, but her husband wasn't ready. You can't force anyone into adoption or into being ready for parenthood. I was so afraid he was going to "take one look" at the baby and then want to be a father. I was ready to be mad about that:)
*Juno's tears in the hospital. It was real. She was committed to the adoption. And I love that her father tells her she'll be back there someday on her own terms. But, it still hurt.

**Update: I just did some research and found that many birth families didn't like this movie at all. Now I feel guilty for posting so many positives about it. I guess my perspective is obviously different, but I didn't take it as really trivializing what Juno went through (the hospital scene in particular - this was a young woman who had shown no emotion in regard to placing. Autumn was like this with us. But, at actually going through with the placement, though she had no regrets, she was sad and did grieve.) I do wish that they would've shown more about the after effects. There's no way Juno would just go on about her merry way without ever thinking of the baby. Even though we haven't heard from Autumn, I know there isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't think of Lily. And I know most birth mothers now don't want a closed adoption. But, again, I'm looking at it from our situation and in our situation, Autumn has chosen a closed situation. That wasn't something I wanted. Oh gosh, now I'm all nervous. Should I take this post down? I'm freaked.

Holy Earthquake!!

WHAT?? Call me naive or even uneducated, but I had no idea we could experience an earthquake like the one we felt early this morning here in the midwest! It was crazy! Our whole house literally shook. I could hear the doors rattling and all the neighbors dogs barking. And now we've just now experienced an aftershock. I feel like I'm in California or something. But without the beach. And vineyards. :) There are no reports of injuries or any big damage, but my goodness! What a way to wake up! I know all of you in earthquake prone areas are laughing at me, but it was a big deal for us:)

Attack of the Monstrous Baby

Teething is a you know what. Really. Lily is getting her two top incisors in right now, and it is horrible. She's been running a slight fever, rubbing her face all over the carpet or my shoulder, fussing, and sleeping so much. She is just not her little self; she's a totally fussy girl all day long. We called the doctor because I was worried it may be more than just teething, but he said it's textbook teething. Yee Haw. :)

Look at this sad baby:

The only good thing about it is that she lets me hold and snuggle her again. So, I'll just focus on that and enjoy it while I can until she's off like a crazy woman again. :) Her grumpiness is beckoning (SCREAMING) from her crib, so I must run:)

The Big 2-9.

We had the best weekend. We had Lily's second birthday extravaganza with my family up north. The traveling wasn't so much fun, but being there and celebrating with everyone was great. And is if that wasn't enough birthday fun, today is my big day. (Tax day, I know. I've always hated that!) :) My birthday has taken on a totally new significance for me since Lily. Her due date was on my birthday. Autumn was induced early, but she was due with Lily on April 15th. It's silly, I know, but it was one of the first things when our agency was describing the situation to us that gave me the goosebumps. I felt connected to the situation immediately. It's amazing how things work out.

My husband has already given me my birthday present. I had to get up and get moving immediately this morning so I could blog about it:) I struggle sometimes even still with missing teaching. It was so much more than a job for me - it really made up so much of who I was. I miss my students and I really miss a very good friend who taught with me. He knows this and gave me the most thoughtful, symbolic, and well-planned out gift. He bought me a copy of "The Elements of Style," which is a classic, often-used grammar guide. It's a special edition featuring different paintings dedicated to the grammar rules. I taught English, so it's kind of fun (and nerdy, I know), for me to page through it and look at everything. BUT that's not the best part. In the front cover, he has written, "A mother is the most important teacher. Don't ever forget the significance of your work." I love the symbolism of it. It's not just a grammar book; it's part of who I was and who I still am; not teaching in a school doesn't mean I'm not teaching. My heart overflows with love for this man. He is an incredible husband and father, and he makes me feel so appreciated. Isn't that what we need sometimes? Just for someone to acknowledge that what we do as mothers day in and day out is important. I just had to share! :) Hope all is well in bloggy land. I hate being gone for days at a time; I feel so out of it. I'll catch up today, I hope! Happy Tax Day. :)

We have liftoff and other musings

Lily is finally standing up! This girl is just her own person. Every single thing with her developmentally has been on her own time. And no amount of persuading could coax her into doing anything until she was ready. So this morning, I walk into the living room after pouring my first cup of coffee and there she is just standing up next to the couch with BARELY even a finger on it. And she looked up at me like, "So what? I've been doing this forever." She is too much.

We're also down to two bottles a day - one in the morning and one at night. And she's way more into adult food than baby food, so we're pretty much away from baby food, too. But it's tough to find things to feed her that are easy and nutritious.

As for the nap dept, she's such a nut. She goes days and days on a nap strike, learns to stand up by herself, and is now sleeping two two hour naps a day. The biggest and best lesson I've learned about motherhood thus far is flexibility.

It's far enough past Lily's birthday, too, that I'm afraid we won't hear from Autumn. I was hoping against hope that she'd drop a note for her birthday, and to be totally honest, it makes me a little sad for Lily that she didn't. But, I know the lack of contact is her choice, and I have to respect that. It does make me sad, though.

To finish up this post of randomness, a question for any of you who have ever had the pleasure of trimming a one year old's fingernails. How in the world did you manage to do it and get out alive? :)

Reunited and It Feels So Good

:) Get out your acid washed jeans with zippers up the ankle because the New Kids are going back out on tour. And if I can make Lil a onesie that has Joey AND Jordan's picture on it, don't think I won't do it. In all seriousness, it can't be denied that they look good. Dang good. The fifth grader in me is squealing right now. Now who is coming with me to a show? :)

Icky Icky Shots!!!!

Oh my poor girl. We had our one year check up today, which went very well. For some reason, I didn't realize Lil would be getting FOUR shots. She got tested for TB (a nice bruise is already forming), a MMR, a chicken pox vaccine, and something else that is escaping me at the moment. The nurse warned us these would be worse than the shots before because apparently the MMR and the chicken pox vaccine both really sting. Well...I have never in this entire year heard Lily cry like she did today. She's not really a crier. She fusses if she's hungry or sleepy but it's really rare that she full out cries. And this kind of hysterics...I'd be thrilled to never hear it again. It was heart breaking! I'm SUCH a wuss with the shots. I make my husband hold her and I hide my eyes and then sweep in to save the day and give the snuggles when it's all over:) Four band aids on such a little body are just not right!

She came home from her appt. and went straight for a nap. She slept for THREE hours, which officially ended the nap wars. I actually got a little nervous because she slept for so long. But, then she woke up and was her usual, happy self.

Our crazy, wild weekend is kicking off tonight with some Chinese take-out and the DVD "Atonement." I've really wanted to see it, and I've recently sat through "Transformers," all the "John Adams" episodes on HBO, and "The Untouchables" with Troy lately, so I feel like he owes me big time! If you can top that kind of excitement, I'll be shocked. Just shocked. :)

The Nap Wars

It's happening again. The nap wars have returned to the household. And I am no fan of the nap wars. Lily sleeps great at night for the most part. Last night, she was up from 4:45 until 6:15. AM. She fought her morning nap for about an hour and finally slept for about 45 min. and same goes for the afternoon nap. She is very tired; it's obvious. She has sleepy, red eyes, sucks her thumb, lays down on the floor in the living room - the girl is TIRED. But the second she goes to her crib, she either fusses or starts playing. What is her deal? Do you think she's ready to just go to one nap a day? When do most babies do that? It's such a cliche, but don't you wish there was an instruction manual with EXACTLY the right thing to do? It's the trial and error that's tough!

Maybe she was just excited that it was her birthday. :)

One Year Ago Tonight

I was terrified of what the morning might bring.

I was touched more than I thought possible by a young woman struggling to provide for the two children she was parenting and to make the best decision possible for her, her boys, and the child she was carrying.

I was moved to tears to hear her speak of her love for the baby growing inside her about to be born and how when she saw our profile, she felt we were meant to be the baby's parents.

I wanted so badly to be excited about the impending birth of Autumn's baby, but I couldn't get over the nerves. We had just experienced such a heart-wrenching failed match, and I couldn't allow myself to feel excited. Plus, I knew the baby was still Autumn's until she signed revocation papers.

My husband and I went exploring Salt Lake City, Utah to try to get our minds off what was happening. It didn't work:)

We bought Autumn and Lily matching stuffed bunnies (it was the weekend before Easter). Since then, we've taken Lily's picture with her bunny so Autumn can watch her grow.

I didn't know the beautiful girl growing inside our amazing birthmom's tummy. I didn't know she'd have curly hair and enormous eyes. I didn't know she would have the chubbiest, most kissable cheeks I'd ever seen. I didn't know she would LOVE to be swaddled and sang to. I didn't know her first word would be "HI" whenever she saw me come in the room. I didn't know she'd love bananas and hate peas so much that her entire body would shiver when I tried to feed them to her. I had no idea her tiny nose would crinkle when she smiles and that her laugh would make me laugh no matter what. I didn't know she'd love her bath, but hate having her hair washed. I didn't know she'd suck her thumb when she gets sleepy. And love to be rocked to sleep and pat my back while I pat hers. :)

I knew I would love whatever baby came to me no matter how he or she came to me. But, I didn't know it would be this much. I remember praying one year ago tonight with my whole heart for Autumn and for her baby about to be born. And tonight, I pray again with my whole heart for Autumn. I thank her and God for my beautiful daughter who brings joy and laughter and so much love to every single day. I've shed a few tears in the writing of this post, which is only fitting. I'm pretty sure I shed a few a year ago, too:)