Response to Comment

I don't want to get defensive, but I want to reply to a comment posted by "Just me" on the last post asking if I just want "any" baby or if I want a good, ethical situation. I'm a total wimp, and maybe I'm not reading that the right way, but that feels harsh to me. I DO want a good, ethical situation, but this blog is mostly for me to be able to vent. I'm not frustrated that I don't just have any baby yet. I'm frustrated that the people I have paid hard earned money to haven't done their jobs. I understand that there are MANY birthmoms who do and SHOULD parent their babies. But, that doesn't make it hurt less. This blog is for me and for my feelings. I feel pain that I'm not a mom yet. I feel frustration that I'm not physically able to give birth to a child. It's discouraging that we keep missing out on potential situations, but that doesn't mean I want a baby at any cost. I don't want this at the expense of anyone else, but my pain and our journey is what I blog about.
I totally understand what you posted about God having more in store for me than just having a child. I feel like I have already grown so much through this entire process, but I've also experienced a great deal of pain and loss that isn't easy to handle. Being a potential adoptive parent, I feel like we're often painted as the bad guy who is taking a child from his/her "real" parents. I'm not that person. You did an awesome job with your potential birthmoms, and I know you have an amazing relationship with your baby's birthmom. I'm just trying to find my way through this journey the best way I can. I feel judged often by my decisions regarding adoption and hurt very much by what people think or say. I pray that I'm doing what God wants me to do, and I know I've been protected by Him on the way. But, my pain is real, and the disappointment is real. I will be a great mother, and very often, I ache for a baby. This blog is about that.
I may just be WAY too sensitive, and please don't let this cause too much trouble, but I did want to address the question. I hope this has all come out right and that the feelings behind it (NO anger or sarcasm or snarkiness, just some sadness and a hope to convey what I feel) have come through. (I've just spend the last 30 min. agonizing over every word of this hoping that I don't offend anyone...I'm a total loser.) :)