Feeling good

It's like pulling a band-aid off. It would've been so much better to have just had our situation disrupt outright. The worst part was the waiting and knowing in my heart that it wasn't going to happen, but still holding out a tiny bit of hope that no person could be so heartless to have gone to an adoption agency, filled out paperwork, asked to be matched with family and to be given some expenses and then never contact them again. Why not just call and say you changed your mind?
But, now that it's over, I truly feel so much better. There is a sense of enormous relief in being out of a situation that was so harmful to me emotionally. I'm excited to be back out there and looking for a new match. We contacted all the agencies who have our profile and got put back on active status. I have to keep the faith that we won't wait forever for a new match. I want to have that feeling like I did in the beginning of all of this that I could be a mom at any moment.
My biggest complaint right now is agency fees. We are being shown at a certain agency who charges a flat fee of $35,000 for a Caucasian newborn. What kind of ridiculousness is that? We're open to any gender, ethnicity, some drug use, etc. and you'd think people would just want to find tiny little babies good homes. Not true; they want to do that, but they want to drive a BMW around while they do. They prey on people like me. People who have had disruptions or years of fertility treatments and would do just about anything, including writing a big fat check where the agency makes 25,000, the birth mom gets 4,000, and the lawyers get 6,000 just so I can bring a baby home and stop all this insanity.
I'm getting all worked up:) Okay, truly I am feeling so much better today and I thank you guys so much for your support. I say that every post now, but I can't tell you how much it's lifted us up.
So, it's the weekend...any big plans?