The only new news is that no hospital has any record of Amanda yet. Our agency called just this morning and still nothing. Is that good news? I have no idea. It could mean that she hasn't gone into labor yet. It could mean she's not even in the state anymore. It could mean she gave birth a month ago. It could mean I might need a straight jacket soon.
My mom called last night and all I heard was her voice and I totally lost it. Why? Who knows. Because I'm turning into a crazy person, that's why. I go from total rage into complete despair into feeling hopeful because there's no WAY this woman can parent a child and she was the first person to admit it. CRAZY...that's me.
I know now why adoption agencies can charge $30,000 for babies. It's because you get to this point where you don't care what the cost is. They are able to get away with that because people like me get so desperate that they'll pay whatever it takes to whoever tells them they can get them a baby. Take out a loan? okay. Second mortage? sure. Just give me a baby and nobody gets hurt.
Yep, I'm nuts. How much longer?
Friday, February 2, 2007
Going CRAZY
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10 comments:
I know if I was in your place I would end up bawling to my mom. I don't blame up for all the emotional ups and downs you are feeling because I would be ten times worse. I think it's totally normal. Sending those good vibes your way.
I feel like pacing for you. I'm thinking about you, and hoping this ends with a baby in your arms. Hang in there.
Argh! What a rollercoaster!!!
I am still hoping for you!!
Hang in there!
This may sound like a really silly question but I don't know how things like this work. Is your agency able to do a nationwide search of babies that have been born in the past month? Or are they just calling hospitals in the area?
I'm praying for you and hoping that things will still work out with Amanda!!!
Thanks guys. Laurie, our agency calls hospitals in the area. They know which hospital Amanda delivered her first child at, so they're assuming it will be there, though they are calling all the local hospitals.
You girls are the best!
I know it seems like forever but when that child is in your arms you will forget all this waiting time and know it was all for this one reason...the baby that was meant for you. We had 13 years of IF and more waiting for the adoption....the why's are all answered...I promise. Prayers for a short wait!
Oh honey! I am still praying for you all! {{hugs}}
Hang in there! I am thinking about you.
I came to your blog from Gil. I have been in your shoes and it is so so so frustrating. We were infertile for 8 years before we adopted our oldest son. It is the most amazing thing you will ever do. If this is the child for you, it will end up in your arms. We went through several "almost" babies but as soon as we met our son, we knew why the others fell through. I will be thinking about you and checking back...wishing you the best!
AIiieeee - how crazy! I really feel for you and give you lots of kudos for holding it together as well as you are. Hope you get some good news soon!!
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