No news, really, so I haven't known what to say as an update. Our agency has been calling all local hospitals to see if A has delivered yet, and she hasn't checked in at any of them, which gives me a small bit of hope (don't you hate that?!). But, who is to say that she's not in California or something...it's just impossible to predict what will happen.
I am feeling better because of all the situations I've come across lately. The social worker who did our home study called yesterday with TWO possibilities and the sites I used to check for situations are also listing many new ones. I am not giving up on our current situation completely, but I feel like it has to come down to self-preservation at some point. I need to know that there are other situations out there. I need to know that we could match again quickly. I know a psychiatrist would have a field day with me because I'm not dealing with this loss, but I'm afraid if I stop, even for a second, then I may not ever get back up again. That's how I was the infertility diagnosis, too. It's like I couldn't even deal with the possible disappointment that any treatment could bring. I jumped with my whole heart into adoption because I truly believe it is how I am supposed to build my family, but at the same time, I still haven't grieved the loss of a biological child. Is that because it's really not a big deal to me or because I can't face it? I don't know. All I know is that I can't let this possible disruption get me down even for a second. I want a baby NOW, and I can't take time out to grieve because that's just wasted time in pursuing our child.
Will I probably die from an ulcer or a stress related heart attack? Yep. :) But, at least I feel better today:)
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Feeling better
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6 comments:
I did the SAME thing with fertility treatments! If my clinic didn't have mandatory waiting times between cycles, I would've just kept going, never thinking about the failures.
I'm still keeping my fingers crossed that the BM checks in and this all works out. BUT, I do think it's a good idea to see what else is out there. People always say "dont put all your eggs in one basket" so until you have that baby in your arms, it's ok to keep looking. Who knows, you could get a better match tomorrow!!!
Sending you tons of cyber support on this.
I think it's ok to keep looking. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
I think having a Plan B in place can help volumes in being comfortable with Plan A.
Beyond all the coffee you're already drinking--if someone said they wanted to drop off food after the baby arrives, what would you want as a comfort food while you are juggling this new baby?
I think it is OK to look out for other situations. It is just human nature, I guess, and good to know that there are other situations out there!
I am still praying that things work out with this birthmother. I just hate that you are having to go through all of this. It is so emotionally draining, I know.
What gives me hope is reading Lani's blog! On Monday she goes to work discouraged and sad about not getting any calls from her agency and by Friday she is a mommy to a beautiful baby girl! That is so cool! You know, it could happen that same way to any of us.
This is so nerve racking!!! I think you are doing great considering how stressful the situation is...... Like others have already said, I also think it's smart to have some back up plans in place. Keeping fingers crossed that you hear from or locate the brithmom soon....
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