Do any of you know any statistics on adoption/match disruption? I am freaking out more and more every day, and I am wondering how founded my concerns are. Do most women who sign with adoption agencies place? Our potential birthmom, according to all I've read, isn't risky (other than that whole lack of communication thing). She's got an older child who she doesn't have custody of, she has no home, she has no support, and social services will more than likely take this baby if she doesn't relinquish her rights.
I spoke with our agency today. There is no news at all. She still hasn't called. She signed with them in Dec. and hasn't called back since she signed. I guess there's no real reason for her to call. She didn't want to choose the family, and she is in complete denial, according to the social worker. They think she'll just call when at the hospital. I hope she does.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
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9 comments:
Oh man.... this has got to be so hard on you guys.
All I know is when we spoke with our agency about how things "went down" for us, we were told most domestic adoptions don't happen smoothly. It's such a hard thing because you have absolutely no control and you are relying heavily on someone you don't even know.
I hope/pray that everything works out like it should. It's hard to put faith in what the agency says but if they feel confident then that's a good sign.
Ugggg! This sounds so frustrating! I saw your comment over at the Stirrup Queens this AM and just wanted to come over and send you my best wishes and prayers.
Please keep us posted!!
I'll keep the bar open for you 24/7 until all has settled--after all, if you're on an IV drip of alcohol...
I've never seen statistics, but one thing I once read was that the distancing is sometimes just part of the process--part of what a birthmother needs to do in order to make that best decision for their child. I think Barely Sane summed it up best--many domestic adoptions don't happen smoothly because you are talking about huge decisions and huge feelings. And it has to be painful for the birthmother because look at how much she loves her child--she loves her child enough to do what is best for her child and give that baby life. And that kind of love is going to cause huge emotions of loss. Even when the birthmother knows that the loss is inevitable. It can't be an easy decision to make and it's hard to follow through. I think ultimately, she will follow through based on what you said--that the child will be removed from the home regardless--and this distancing and sadness that she is going through will be part of your child's story if she places the child. That child will always know how much love went into creating him/her.
Does that make sense?
Hang in there, Katd. This part is so hard--there are your feelings and her feelings. It's like the longest, most painful childbirth in the world--all the agony and excitement and fear.
I just read your comment on Stirrup Queens and had to come over to add a voice of encouragement and a shoulder to lean on. It sounds like a very scary time for you. I'm glad you commented so we could come find you & give you a nice hug.
Ugh - how stressful for you... hon, I'm sorry. Hang in there, I will be hoping that she checks in soon.
*HUG*
Well shoot, now I need to head over to Stirrup Queens to check your comment out.
Well, I too hope that things work out. I guess there isn't much you can do, but wait. We all know how hard that is, and of course easy to say. We're here for you!
I rambled over here from someone elses blog... I don't know what the statistics are. We were selected by a birth mother last year and ended up backing out for reasons to complicated to list here, but I had all the feelings that you are describing (now we're in the waiting stage again). Adoption is frustrating no matter what stage you are in. You'll be in my prayers.
The uncertainty has got to be so nerve-wracking. I wish I knew about statistics but I don't. I'm still in waiting mode! I hope everything works out and you never have to worry about anything, though.... hang in there!
OK, so I had to go over and read your post too! Curiosity got the best of me! My heart is breaking for you! I know how hard all of this is. I'm right there with you. Is there no way at all to get in touch with this girl??? Surely they have some idea of where she may be.
As far as our match goes, I have my good days and my bad days. I don't know how I will have the strength to pick myself up AGAIN and start all over with someone else. But I do know one thing...when I am weak, HE is strong. I'm prayin' for you girl! Just don't give up and you absolutely WILL have your baby.
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