Okay, so we got a call last night about a possible situation. I don't want to get too excited because I have to be rational and not lead with my heart like last time. The baby is a boy and is due in only three weeks, and the fees are only $14,000!!!! I remember, long before this adoption journey began, when I thought that was a ton of money and now it seems like pocket change :) Anyway, the pbmom has two children already at home and says there is no way she can raise another. The thing that is making me nervous is the birthfather situation. We don't have much info on him (I've got a call in to the social worker hoping to get some more), but what we do know is that the birthmom says she doesn't know his name. Some of you adoptive moms, have you been through this? What was your birthfather situation and what was the agency's advice to you? They told us it's labeled "high risk" because the birthfather hasn't consented, but then they said that most of their cases don't have a named birthdad and nothing ever comes of it. If he was a one night stand and she doesn't know his name, are we pretty much in the clear? The case is out of Ohio, and I know they have a putative father registry, so if he were to sign up on it, he'd have 30 days to do so after the baby's birth. I seriously couldn't handle it if after a month, I had to give a baby to someone else.
I'll post an update as soon as I hear from anyone, but in the mean time, any advice?? I'm floating between being so excited to being so scared.
***Update*** Our social worker just emailed me and said that the birthmom isn't required by Ohio law to name the birthfather. So, that could mean he knows and isn't supportive of the adoption OR it could mean that he was a one night stand. I'm so torn! We're calling our consultant this afternoon to get her input.
ALSO, the agency we just disrupted with emailed. I guess Amanda's "boyfriend" called the agency yesterday looking for her. He demanded to know if she placed with them. She must've left the state or something. Maybe she was afraid of him or maybe he didn't support her decision and she placed somewhere else. Who knows? But, you know how hindsight is 20/20? Well, I am SO thankful and consider it such a blessing now that we aren't in the middle of that. Imagine if she had placed with us and then this guy came back for the baby. I couldn't have handled that. Is that what I may be getting into now? I don't know what to DO!!!!
Friday, February 23, 2007
I need advice ASAP
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8 comments:
Flipping A, I had a comment all worked up and the internet ate it. Grrrr
We're in Ohio, as is our agency, so I can give you what I know.
My understanding of the punitive father registry in Ohio is that it really isn't used a lot or at all. So that seems relatively safe.
A lot of our cases have been similar to your in that the father is unknown or that he is uninvolved. I understand that a lot of father do not sign off because of this and it just goes the waiting period.
Another thing to consider (this could be assvice, because I don't know where you are and it could be the same as here) is that in Ohio law doesn't allow relinquishment until 72 hours after birth, which while I believe is a good thing, it's also the time when most birthmothers change their minds, so it's scary, too.
HOWEVER, those things said, I really think this sounds like a doable situation. You can't be sure that something won't happen, but can you EVER be sure about that? I'd go for it if I were you!
:) Good luck!
It sounds like a pretty decent situation, much better then the last one. I will keep you in my prayers that you and dh make the right decision for you guys, you will know if it is a good fit, I can't explain it.
You could be a mommy in less than a month!!! Get ready for the ride of your life!!!
OMG!! I just don't know what I'd do... then again, I relayed what your posted to my DH and he says that we'll not be accepting a "high risk" situation. So there it is...
PS...In response to your post on my blog, I don't mind if you link at all! :)
Our daughter's birthfather wouldn't sign consent. In Florida, his consent is not required because he and the birthmother were not married. His rights expired after 48 hours, same as the birthmothers. Still, I worried and worried about it. At some point, the birthmother told me the birthfather, whom she did not regard fondly, never bought a diaper for his 9-year-old daughter and was always behind on his child support. This gave me a strange kind of comfort, thinking that he was not the type to try for custody. We never heard from him. Our lawyer found him and all I know is that he didn't sign and his parental rights were terminated.
Sorry no good advice here. I would say I would not let this issue alone disqualify a potential situation as it could resolve without incident.
Best,
Patti
http://redvelvetcake.typepad.com
I don't have concrete advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I was thinking about you and rooting for you and hoping you find a sound answer. And I'll keep checking back over to see how life unfolds.
Hang in there, sweetie.
EMAIL ME!!!
Sweet Pea is from Ohio and I can give you lots of info. And no, her BF did not know about her. He had 30 days to make a claim but that is long past.
You girls are the best! Truly, thank you so much for the support!
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