Old habits...

There are "childless" habits that I used to practice on a daily...or hourly basis. I have an endless list of adoption websites (some list available situations and some are more research oriented) that I used to spend literally hours on every day before Lily. I feel weird that I still check the available situations. It's like a survival instinct. I can't stop myself from doing it. It's really not good for me at all because I see all these babies in need of parents and birthmoms in so much pain and CORRUPT agencies charging 35K for a caucasian baby; it's really crazy. But it never goes away. I don't feel like I'm seperate from that world now that we have Lily. I thank God for her every day, and I am so amazed and blessed by her, but I still search the pages. It's something that bothers me, so I wanted to blog about it, but now that I have, I haven't really said anything:) I guess it's just one small part of that wound that doesn't heal automatically. It takes time.



On another note, we heard from the agency and A received our first packet. I find myself wondering what the look on her face was when she saw Lily's pictures. I wish I could've talked to her about them. Also, we got the social/medical history for Lily and for A. It feels almost like I'm snooping into someone else's business reading such personal info about A, but I'm very glad that Lily will have access to it someday.



This was a very DOWN post!! :) I'll have to end in a happy way and tell you that Lily is finally wearing all her newborn clothes. For the first few weeks, she was in preemie clothes and now we're even venturing into 0-3 months clothes. I have to say that baby girl clothes could be the most fun thing ever invented. She has so many frilly, pink outfits with bows on them! I love it:) I'll end with a few new pictures. Look at my funny girl! She loves to chill in her swing:)