We have our first post placement visit this afternoon. I know they are necessary and probably beneficial, but I feel SO resentful of it. I am Lily's mom and she is my daughter. I don't feel like an "adoptive parent," I feel like a parent. I hate that I still have to jump through hoops to prove that I'm her mom. As I said, I know it's important, blah, blah, blah, but I still feel mad today that I had to clean my house and print out pictures to give to some stranger to put in an official "file" about our family.
Also, I was shopping at a big name bookstore last night and decided to check out their collection of adoption books. Well, there were maybe three different books on adoption and they were all found in the "special needs" area of the parenting/pregnancy section. WHAT? We're not "special needs." Being adopted isn't a handicap. "Raising the Adopted Child" was right next to a book called, "Parenting Your Out of Control Child." I'm seriously pre-menstrual and grumpy, but WHAT??
I do want to say, though, that I am so proud to be an adoptive parent. I love telling people our story, and I'm so proud of where Lily comes from. We send another packet of pictures to A this week, and I am praying so hard to hear something from her soon.
I'll try to post later about how our visit goes. What's with me today? :) Is it normal to get so grouchy about these legalities? Hope all is well! :)
**the visit was fine; really short and uneventful. We were asked how bonding is going and if Lily seems on track developmentally. Excuse my earlier grumpiness...although I still don't like jumping through so many hoops to prove that I'm a good mom.
Here's a picture of Lily being grumpy, too! :) ***
Friday, May 11, 2007
Post Placement **with updates**
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11 comments:
I know exactly how you feel! We have one more visit but it won't be until the end of June because we have to have Izzy with us for 5 months before the we can have the second visit. Then we can finalize at 6 months!
I'm not evn through the homestudy yet, but I think I understand how you feel. Sadly, there IS enough evil in the world to make these checks and rechecks necessary, but it is also a reminder of another thing that sets us apart from everyone else. Non-adoptive parents don't have to prove their fitness as decent humans.
I can imagine the PMS doesn't help either!
You'll wow them I'm sure!
As for the bookstore, don't get me started!
:-)
Glad your appointment went well!!
Hoops suck.
But that pic of Lil is too cute!
Unfortunately, it's all part of the package. It does suck! Big time. However, we have no choice. We either agree, or we go childless. Funny - this time we updated our homestudy we had to prove our dog is current with his shots. People give birth every day & bring home babies with pit bulls killing each other in the backyard! Oh well. You did it for Lily. :)
Oooh, I think I've blogged on many occassions about location and selection of books at those super chains! Glad the visit went well!
Yes, it seems that all we do is jump through hoops. I understand how you feel. I'd feel the same way if we had a child too. It really does suck big time!
I must be weird because I look forward to our post-placement visits. I love it when our SW comes and sees just how well Sweet Pea is doing. I love that the SW can see she's thriving in our care. I love that the SW is also there to offer suggestions to various situations regarding dealing with the birth family.
But we've had so many flippin PP visits that our SW feels like a member of the family. Still, I wont be sad to see her go.
I'm going to check out our local Big Book Store and see what they have. So far, the only adoption book we have was found at a second hand store!!
Grr!!!
Glad the visit went well though...
I felt the same way you did just before our first PP visit. I was offended and upset that someone was coming to "check up" on us, although I knew beforehand that adoption consisted of 2 PP visits, but I, like you, felt like I was Jayden's mom, not adoptive mom.
Well I actually enjoyed the visit. I felt like I was showing off my precious, happy, healthy son. We have one last visit next month and I can't wait for her to see that he is already sitting up, about to crawl and can wave at only 5 months old!
About the bookstore, I frequent Barnes and Nobles and while I don't have a need for any adoption books now, I still like to see them on the shelves. In B&N they are located in the parenting section by the books that reference parenting at all different levels. I believe the reason why you see them next to special needs is because, generally with adoption, if you get a child out of foster care, chances are high that you are adopting a special needs child. And the fact that the bookstore you speak of has only a few adoption books, this may be why you only see adoption books near special needs references. This shouldn't enrage youm b/c those books are actually needed by many and their adopted children are indeed special needs. My aunt has 2 special needs children that she adopted. Now I do get upset that the baby books for recording your childs milestones, etc do not offer many for adoptive parents. I have seen ONE and it was very boring. So I had to get a regular one and just leave pages blank, like the ultrasound page. But I have learned to take the good and the bad and just go with it, b/c in the end I have what I asked for.
Ugh, all these processes suck, but I'm sure they'll be over with soon.
Lily is beautiful...even when she's grumpy!
Whew, that's done!
Did you enjoy your Mother's Day?
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