HUGE congratulations to Melissa! :)

Melissa (Amazing Journey) , who is my adoption guru and who is a woman of incredible faith, has expanded her lovely family. They have just welcomed sweet baby Caibry Faith! She is such a little beauty! Go on over and congratulate her!

Another confession

Since my last post was a bit heavy, I've decided it's time to let you all in on a little secret. Are you ready? I have a school girl crush on Barack Obama. It's true. And this post isn't meant to be political; I'm not trying persuade you to vote for him, and I'm not trying to belittle him by saying I think he's nice to look at. There's just something about him that makes me feel the same way I did in 5th grade when I looked through my Tiger Beat magazine for pictures of Jordan Knight. :) Again, this is a silly post, and I'm not trying to get a political debate started. I just had to declare my feelings - much like I did in fifth grade by writing "I heart Jordan" all over my notebook. :)

Long time coming

This is a post I've saved and edited and reworked about a million times. I've wanted to post it and then felt like it wasn't articulate. And that it didn't capture the intensity of the emotion I feel. I know now that there's no way to really capture the intensity of emotion - especially when it comes to infertility, adoption, parenting, etc, so I'm just going to post this and let it go.

There are times I look at Lily and my heart literally feels like it could burst. I am sometimes overpowered by the knowledge that she is my daughter. It takes my breath away and makes me wonder how in the world I could be so blessed to feel so much love for any other person. Being a parent is truly unparallelled. You love with such fierceness -something never experienced in any other relationship. Sometimes when I feel this, though, I instantly think of Autumn. I get to kiss Lily's soft baby cheeks, smooth her curly head, and feel her tiny fingers curling around mine, and there is a sense of sadness and maybe even guilt because I know Autumn must have moments where she would give anything to feel Lily's little head against her chest.

Please don't misunderstand - our adoption was one of the good ones. It was a circumstance where Autumn was very, very certain that she could not parent Lily. I don't want to go into detail more than I have already on this blog, but I know with certainty that Autumn was secure in her decision to place. She had no regrets and told us more than once that she felt God meant Lily for us. Even so, I know she must think of her daily.

Originally we had decided to exchange letters. I send pictures and a letter at least once a month and have yet to hear back from her. I know I've discussed this before on here, but I'll say it again. I know what was said during that intense experience may not have turned out to be best for Autumn once she got home and tried to adjust and create a new reality for herself and her family. But, not one day goes by that I don't think of her and hope for a letter when I check the mailbox.

My whole point here is that I know how lucky and blessed I am. Less than a year ago, I yearned for a baby so much that my entire being ached. And now I have this beautiful little girl who is so happy and who loves and laughs so easily and whom I love with everything I have. But, I can't and will not forget the sacrifice her amazing birth mother made for her. Once in awhile when I get to do the every day, mundane parenting things that occasionally get old (really, how many more loads of laundry do you do once you have a child? It's unreal. :) I remember Autumn and how she probably yearns from time to time just to see or touch our beautiful girl's face. I get re-energized as a mom, and I remember again how fortunate I am to get to dry the tears, kiss the cheeks, and yes, do the stinky laundry.

Like I said, this doesn't feel finished. I don't know how better to say what I feel, so I'm just going to put it out there and hope it says at least a little of what I feel.

WHEW!! Holidays wear me out!

I have just gotten over the nastiest of all stomach flues! Sorry for the lack of holiday posts, but I'm telling ya - it's been rough here:) You never appreciate your health more than the first day you finally feel better after a sickness!

I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, New Year, etc. We were very busy, but we had a wonderful first Christmas with Lily. As most babies do, she loved the boxes and bows far more than she loved any of the toys contained within them:)

A kind of a bummer, our computer got infected with a virus that invaded my email. Sorry to any of my pals who got nutty emails from me. I think we've got it all under control finally!

We applied for Lily's social security number today, which I believe ties up the last of our adoption loose ends. Time to start the process again, right? :) KIDDING!

In other Lily news, our girl was nine months old yesterday. I can't believe it. She had a check-up and is 30 inches long!!! She's hitting (or exceeding!!) all of her milestones EXCEPT for movement. She just will not crawl! She rolls to what she wants and is starting to pull up to standing, which leads me to believe she may just skip crawling altogether and start walking. Just another reminder that they do what they want when they want! :)
I need to get caught up with all of you and your blogs! I miss reading them! :) My husband is consumed with the Iowa caucuses on tv right now (he's an MSNBC junkie!), so maybe this is a good time to be online! :)

Back Home Again...

Our trip to Arizona was absolutely beautiful! I love it out west. The mountains and the canyons and the desert- they're breath taking, really. HOWEVER...I don't know how those of you who fly often with babies do it. I really don't. Lily is the best baby, but she turned into a little devil girl on the plane! She cried for about an hour straight, and I literally wanted to die. A lovely grandmother we had gotten chatty with in the terminal even came up and asked if she could try to calm her down. AND I handed Lily over. To a stranger. That's how bad it was! I figured she couldn't go far with her. :)

Anyway, that being said, it was nice to get away and have a change of scenery. But, I'm totally behind now in getting ready for Christmas. We made a little gingerbread house tonight - one of my favorite things to do! :) But, the presents aren't all wrapped - heck, the presents aren't all bought. So, I've got to get on that!

I'm really looking forward to catching up with blogs - it's been almost two weeks! Hope all is well and that your holiday preparations are going better than mine are. Anyone else a procrastinator? :)
I'll leave you with a few of my favorite AZ pictures...and then with my new favorite of Lily in her winter hat. She's too much! :)

Phoenix, Here we come!

The sickness has finally left our house. Man, last week was rough! Lily was so miserable and by the third day of her cold, I had come down with it, too. We've finally turned a corner, though, and are all feeling healthy. I had to laugh at my husband...well, laugh a little and then smack him a little. She would get up at least twice during the night because she couldn't breathe. And in the morning he'd say, "Did she get up at all last night?" or "Wow, she slept through the night last night?" Yeah. It's that male selective hearing thing. I will give him credit, though. Once I got sick, he got up with her during the night and in the morning. Which, again, leads me to ask why he could hear her when I was sick, but couldn't when I wasn't. :)

The best news! My mom called last week. My step-dad is a professional golfer and is playing in a tournament in AZ this week. She is flying all three of us out there for a little pre-Christmas mini-vacation. I can't tell you how excited I am. I am so ready for a vacation! I love being at home with Lily more than anything, but sometimes the walls of this house make me crazy! :) And you can only walk the mall so many times. I can't wait to be in the sunshine! It's supposed to be in the high 60s out there, which will feel nearly tropical after the weather we've been having. We're going to stay in Scottsdale mostly and then spend one night up at the Grand Canyon. I've never been there before but always wanted to - I really can't wait!
Anybody been out that way and have some tips or recommendations? Also - and this is the part I am dreading! - any tips for flying with an 8 month old? I'm hoping she'll nap some of the time, but that might be wishful thinking. Also, for all you world travelers, how do you deal with the time difference, especially when it'll only be for a few days? Do we go ahead and keep her on the schedule here? Then she'll go to bed at like 5:30 out there :)
Any tips or words of wisdom are much appreciated!

Also, most importantly, I want to send out a special congrats to my good blog pal, Jess. Her little family is growing by leaps and bounds! She and her husband and baby Ava welcomed Ethan into their family last Thursday. She will have her hands full, but I know there's nothing she'd rather be busy with! :) Congrats, Jess!!

First cold :(

Lily woke up in the middle of the night SO miserable! She's got a stuffy head and a slight cough - we're seeing her pediatrician in an hour. Any advice on how to help her feel better? We're putting Vicks for babies on her chest and are considering getting one of those crib wedges to let her be a bit elevated. Any experience with those? I know she'll be fine and all that jazz, but it's the most difficult thing to see her so sad. I want my smiley girl back!

Let's see your holiday decorations!

This is my favorite time of year! I know I've said it, but this year is especially wonderful having our silly Lily in the house. We bought her a pink stocking yesterday, and I can't wait to hang it. I know many others have blogged about having such a hard time dealing with being childless around the holidays. I told my mom yesterday that I remember SO clearly this time last year having trouble wanting to attend anything even remotely festive. BUT, something about the music and the lights and people just being a bit nicer in general made me feel comforted - even while I was neck deep in my own hurt last year. I know not everyone who reads this is religious, but for me, I truly experience a feeling of closeness to God during this season. It's nice to be able to pause and take in the glory of creation and how much I know God loves us.

SO - I want to post a few pictures here of my holiday decorations (what's up so far anyway). And if you have some, I'd love to see yours! No matter what holiday you're celebrating - let's see your festivities:) Leave a comment, post them on your blog - whatever.

The first one is our fab retro aluminum Christmas tree posted specially for Melissa:) My husband is nuts for antiques and anything "retro." So, we have an aluminum tree complete with revolving color wheel. From the outside, our living room flashes red, blue, and green. It looks like we're operating some sort of disco in there. :)

Enjoy and share your pics with me! :)

A collage it is :)

The lovely, talented, and too sweet Miss Rachel with all of her photographic talents made me the most beautiful collage of Lily's pictures. Check it out:





Isn't that gorgeous! I'm so excited to get them sent out! What a difference a year makes, I tell ya. Last year, it was all I could do to send out cards to just a few people. This year, I just might order 100. :)
Thank you, my dear Rachel! :)
A picture for Melissa of my retro aluminum tree is coming soon! :)

Playground. 3:00.

So it's settled. We're all going to kick the butts of all these evil commenters. :) I love it. Thanks for always having my back, girls! Can we also all chant, "fight, fight, fight" as it's going on?

On to the real, important matters at hand. Although I have been in Lily's face since about day one saying "mamamamama" she sure enough is now saying "dadadadada." It doesn't mean anything, I know, but still. :)

Also, I am having a heck of a time choosing Christmas card photos. Every time I look at them, a new one becomes my favorite. I'm going to post a few, and I would LOVE your input - I can choose two. Even if you've never commented before, help a girl out! Thanks!! :)