Picture Post

Sad to say, but there is nothing much new at our house!! Soooo...instead of a fun-filled post, I'm going to leave a few new pics of my girl. She's growing like crazy!!! :) And we wanted to go get her a bumbo seat because she wants to sit up SO bad...but her legs are too chubby to fit. We laughed so hard. :) The box says they fit babies up to 12 months...what do they know!!

Since there's nothing much to comment on here, (other than my daughter's incredible, matchless beauty! :) why don't YOU leave me an update on you in the comment section. What's new? How are things? Fill me in! :)

Open Adoption Article

My good blog pal, GLouise, posted recently about an article found in the LA Times regarding Open Adoption. Before I even get into my thoughts on it, I'm going to link it so you can read for yourself.

Link One



Link Two



Now that you've read it, if you're a prospective adoptive parent you're probably freaked out, and if you're an adoptive parent, you may just be as frustrated as I am. All parents are advocates for their kids. It's an especially tricky path to navigate at times in dealing with adoption. As you know, our adoption is semi-private meaning we do pictures and letters. That is by Autumn's request. If she wanted to see us, I'd be on the first flight. Maybe someday she will.



In reading the article, especially the horribly skewed stats at the end, I can't help but feel that we've all been portrayed incorrectly yet again. I know the reporter did TONS of research on this specific case. I do not doubt that Kendall struggled in dealing with her birth and adoptive mothers. BUT, pinning the blame on the adoption itself is completely wrong. She had a mother-figure in and out of her life for her entire childhood. There were spans of time where her birthmom was completely gone without a word. She didn't call when she said she would and she missed big events she said she'd come to. ANY child with a parental figure who behaves that way might have issues stemming from childhood, in my ever so humble opinion.



Also, the stats at the end....you can skew statistics to say whatever you want them to say. We have no idea what their full study group looks like. Our homestudy was excellent in debunking adoption myths; our social worker just emailed me after reading the article and stated,"one reason it appears that adopted children may have more needs, emotionally and developmentally is that adoptive parents tend to make more money and are more likely to see that if their children have problems they will definitely seek help vs. lower income families who may not have the resources to seek help for their children's problems." Now about the more money bit...well, that's not us :) But, I do agree that as adoptive parents and as people who have endured infertility (for the most part) we are maybe more sensitive to any emotional issues that may arise.



I have one more point to make, and it's not the most "politically correct" thing I've ever said. And I hope very much that it's taken the right way. Birthmoms are amazing, and I am NOT stereotyping; I am sharing my own personal experience. Our first match that fell through was a baby who would've most likely been born addicted to cocaine because his mom was using. I know most birthmoms do NOT use drugs, but I am saying that in that specific situation, if we would have had to eventually have that baby treated for any sort of behavior or emotional disorder or any special need, would it be because he was adopted? Or maybe, just maybe could it be because of the prenatal exposure to cocaine? I DO feel that in saying that 41% of people adopted as infants need therapy for emotional issues and 24% need special education, the extenuating circumstances need to be known (NOT necessarily drug use)! Adoption does not equal a need for special education!



I guess my entire point is that I just wish for once that an article would be done that portrayed adoption in a positive light. There are families who are messed up - biological and adopted. But, adoption doesn't necessarily define a family - it's just the way it is created. Where are the examples of people who were adopted who are happy, well-adjusted people? Because I have a few friends/co-workers who are adopted, and they are incredible, successful people. A few of them have their birthmoms in their lives and a couple don't. Either way, they all are very attached to their adoptive parents, actually they're just their PARENTS. Period.



I hope this comes across well; I don't want to offend anyone at all. I'm not pro or anti open adoption, and I don't think that it's because her birthmom was in her life that Kendall had issues. I think it's because she dealt constantly with the threat of rejection - the article even states that. I just get so tired of adoption stereotypes and nothing but anecdotal evidence to back it up.

I am now linking some articles I've found that debunk all this negativity:

Nature vs. Nurture: A New Look at How Families Work



Good News: Adopted Kids Do Just As Well



Study Disputes Adoption Myths

Good gracious, this has taken me an hour to write because I'm so afraid I'm offending someone:) But, I really think something needs to be said - this article is not a fair representation of our families. I plan to email the reporter immediately, and if you feel as I do, I hope you'll do so, as well.

Happy weekend! :)

My first book review!

I love to read! In elementary school, the only time I got in trouble was when I was caught reading "A Wrinkle in Time" under my desk during Math. :) That being said, I am thrilled to post my first book review for Mother Talk. James Patterson's "Maximum Ride: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports," is the author's latest young adult novel. Young adult? What? James Patterson, the author of such ADULT novels as "Kiss the Girls" and "Along Came A Spider" has also written an exciting, fresh series geared toward kids. Who knew? Well, everyone but me apparently! :) This series has quite a following! I must admit I was hesitant when I started reading. The premise involves a flock of Bird Kids who are trying to save the planet from a mad scientist. Bird kids? Yes, they have bird DNA and can fly. I was never a huge fan of science fiction, but the book is engaging and I can definitely see why it has such a huge and dedicated following.

Before even getting into the novel, I started to do some looking into its appeal. Max, the novel's main character is a 14-year old strong, sassy chick, yet she also demonstrates compassion toward the younger members of the flock. I love it! It can be tough to find strong female characters in young adult novels. I know that's something I looked for when I was choosing novels for my students to read. I taught at an all-girls school and found that the girls always responded best to reading female leads they could identify with. Also, the novel appeals to young people through technology. Max's "love interest," Fang, has a blog. That's right, bloggers, 6 Kids, 12 Wings, and 1 Blog is a place where Fang (and Max occasionally) post updates encouraging kids to become bloggers themselves, gives updates on a possible movie, and on future books.

"Maximum Ride" is, in my opinion, for younger readers. I can't imagine my 15 year old sister-in-law enjoying it, but I know my 11 year old cousins would probably love it. I would caution parents about having younger children read it due to the amount of violence. It's nothing too graphic, but it's there. "Maximum Ride" is full of hip and trendy language that does not really appeal to the older reader. Or am I just not hip? Who knows. But, when dealing with trying to get kids to read, it doesn't really matter if the book appeals to us fogies. What matters is that more than 5 million kids were so excited about the book that they clicked on the website to encourage a movie. Anything that gets kids that excited about reading is okay by me.

Rough night

We took Lily to visit my husband's family tonight. He has a younger brother (A) who is only 7. I left the room for about five minutes and returned to Lily in her swing with A standing next to her singing "You're a little baby. You are adopted. You don't have a mommy. She is not your real mommy." I lost it; my face turned hot and tears just spilled out of my eyes. He's a child; I know. And when his mom and I realized what he was singing, his mom was horrified and did take him back into his room for awhile. She told me she talked to him about it, and here's the thing, he LOVES Lily. He's so proud to tell everyone she's his niece. I know he doesn't even really know what he's saying and he's probably really just interested in the whole process, but, I'm still shaken up a bit. I didn't mention anything to my husband because I don't want to upset him. So I'm letting my sadness and fear out here. I never want her to hear that again, but she will. I know she will hear things like that from people who don't understand. And I love her so much and I feel with my whole entire heart so deeply that she is my daughter that it breaks my heart to think that even though she's only a baby that she has heard already a voice tell her that she has no mommy and that I am not her mommy.
I am going to hold my baby now. Happier posts tomorrow; I'm sure.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call Mother

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to
Live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears

One gave you up
It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you

And now you ask me
Through your tears
The age old question
Through the years

Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of
Neither, my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love
-Author unknown

There are parts of this where the language bothers me (Autumn continues to love Lily; I'm sure of it. And she didn't "give her up," she "placed" her. But, it gives me chills and makes me teary each time I read it. Two different kinds of love. That's it.

4 mo. appt. - Shots are from the devil

I have the absolute saddest baby in the world tonight. She is running a slight fever and has slept almost the entire day after getting home from her shots. She was up for about an hour tonight and was okay for a bit, but then she started whimpering, and it nearly broke my heart! Seriously, I think I might sleep in her room tonight. More for me than for her! :)

Our girl is perfect, though. The doctor was very impressed (which I loved!!!) with how strong she is and said she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally (of course, of course). :) She is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Keep growing, little girl! She is SUCH a ham, too. Whenever anyone talks to her, she smiles and squeals. The doctor could hardly listen to her heartbeat because she was cooing and squealing so much. What a silly Lily! :)

I'm also so happy to hear that other moms and soon to be moms have run away spots, too. I won't tell anyone...don't worry! :)

4 months old!

Our baby girl is four months old today! We get to mark the occasion by visiting the pediatrician and getting FOUR shots. It's such a nightmare; much more so for Mommy than for Lily! :) She's sound asleep now moving her little lips like she has a paci...but she doesn't.

I'm feeling mighty reflective today. Every month, I send Autumn a packet with a letter and new pictures of Lily and I pray so hard for her and her family. I know I've said this before, but I miss her so much and wish so badly that I could just know how she's doing. But, I know that she knows how to contact us and will when/if she's ready.

Also, I'm reflecting on being a mom. It's totally cliche, but I never knew I could love this much. But, I've also been having a tough couple of days. Any mom who tells you she's always got it together is lying! :) Being a stay at home mom is the best thing for me, but it's also much more difficult than I thought it would be. I spend about an hour last night crying out of sheer exhaustion and frustration. (Please, please don't post a comment here if you're going to say that there are many women out there who would do anything to be in my position. I know how blessed I am, but I want to be able to express myself here honestly, and honestly, I'm beat!) :) I feel terrible to admit it, but there are moments when I think, "What in the world have I gotten myself into?" I think so many women have a romanticized version of mommy-hood in their heads; especially those of us who have struggled with infertility and who want a baby so badly. And nobody ever admits that they have days where they want to "run away." My mom and I talked over the weekend, and she told me she felt like that from time to time. I was really surprised. My mom is this amazing super-woman, and I know she adores us. I've said a million times that if I can be half the mother she is, I'll be in good shape. She said her "runaway" spot is Wyoming:) She used to think to herself, "I'll just get a little cottage in the mountains. A nice peaceful spot where I can go to the bathroom without a baby crying or a kid barging in." :) I loved it! My runaway spot is Mexico...I hear the beach calling me. But then, I see the most beautiful little girl smile up at me, and I can't think of anywhere else I'd rather be. Spit-up stains, dirty diapers, exhaustion, frustration and all!

I finished the book! and new Lily pictures

I have been totally MIA online because if I had read a Harry Potter spoiler, I would've been so disappointed. It wouldn't have ruined my life like some of the people I've seen on the news lately:), but I would've been bummed. And I LOVED it!! It was everything I could havewanted and it's not often that a book can say that. Especially one so hyped. Fellow fans, feel free to comment, but no spoilers for those who are still carving out time in their busy schedules of new mommy-ness or during work or IVF cycles or whatever :)

We had some professional pictures taken of Lily and of us as a family. Some of them are good, but she was so grumpy that they just don't capture her Lily-ness. :) I have to say that my favorite pictures are the ones we've taken here at home. So many of the professional ones just don't look like her. I mean, I know they are her, but they don't capture what I see every day. But, they are beautiful and I'm going to post a few. And I'm going to do something I didn't think I'd ever do and post one of us and one of our little family. Now that I'm not teaching, I don't feel the need to be AS "undercover" on this blog. Watch that just bite me in the hiney, but whatever. The ones with us are hilarious because she just looks so uninterested in taking pictures. We're both all smiley and she's just like, Whatever, get this over with. There's also a great one of her and my nephew. He thought he'd be a nice cousin and share his thumb with her:) I'll also post one that we've taken so you can see the real deal. :) It's one of my new favorites when she's just gotten up from her nap. I love her sleepy little eyes. Yes, we let her nap on her tummy. Our pedi. said it's fine since she's got such great head control AND because we check on her regularly AND because she's close to rolling over on her own. Mom guilt...it's a terrible thing. :)

Also, I took Lily out to have lunch with a friend yesterday. The hostess lifted up her carrier cover to see her and said, "Oh my gosh, that is the most beautiful baby I've ever seen." I smiled like always and said, "Isn't she?" :) And THEN, she asked how old she is and I told her....and she said, "Oh my gosh, that's it? I bet she weighs more than my 2 year old." I thought I might have to throw down with her right there in the Chilis lobby. Lily IS such a chub. BUT, she's a baby and she's healthy and happy, and that's how they're supposed to be, right? She's not abnormally chubby. It's funny how at home I can call her chubs and giggle at her leg rolls, but when the hostess at Chilis tells me my 4 month old weighs as much as her 2 year old, it's on.

:)

I Heart Harry Potter - NO spoilers :)

I'm about to show my true self. I have to confess something to you. I am nuts for Harry Potter. I just saw The Order of the Phoenix tonight (LOVED IT!), and I think I may go crazy waiting for Sat. Yes, I will be one of those people in line waiting for the new book. I am going to avoid all things news and media related until I finish the book because I think it would seriously make me have a melt down if the ending was told to me before I finished.
Some of you may slowly be backing away from my blog now:) But, I have a feeling I'm not alone in this mania! :) I'm off to find summaries of the previous couple of books so I can remind myself of all the small details. I know I have a small child to attend to...she'll be alright for a day or two, right? (kidding!!!...mostly...) :)

2 down, 1 to go! :)

We had our second post-placement meeting yesterday. It was a total breeze. We were asked questions about bonding and whether or not we had heard anything from Autumn. Our social worker said Lily seems far ahead of most babies her age (of course!), and that she is one of the happiest babies she's ever seen. We think that, but it's very nice to hear a social worker say so:) She also gave us a timeline for finalization. I never thought finalization would be so important to me because from what I hear it's mostly a formality. But, I can't wait! It will be such a special day! Hopefully we'll have a court date in October some time. Our agency requires the baby be at least six months old.

In non-baby related life (is there such thing?), we are starting to consider taking a little vacation in Dec. We really want to go back to Mexico, and I know it's not something that a baby would enjoy. I am SO torn, though, about leaving her. We've been away from her only one night (My husband's 30th birthday), and it was killer! But, we did end up having a great time, and it was so nice to be "responsibility-free" for one night. But, could I do a week? Am I terrible for even considering it this early in her life? Would a shorter time be better? She will be 8 months by then, and I do think it would be so good for our marriage to be able to refocus on each other for a bit. Not that we're in trouble!!! :) Just had to clarify! The beach just sounds soooo good to me right now! I'm off to do a little vacation research online...I'm strange, but I like the planning of a vacation nearly as much as the trip itself :)