Icky Icky Shots!!!!

Oh my poor girl. We had our one year check up today, which went very well. For some reason, I didn't realize Lil would be getting FOUR shots. She got tested for TB (a nice bruise is already forming), a MMR, a chicken pox vaccine, and something else that is escaping me at the moment. The nurse warned us these would be worse than the shots before because apparently the MMR and the chicken pox vaccine both really sting. Well...I have never in this entire year heard Lily cry like she did today. She's not really a crier. She fusses if she's hungry or sleepy but it's really rare that she full out cries. And this kind of hysterics...I'd be thrilled to never hear it again. It was heart breaking! I'm SUCH a wuss with the shots. I make my husband hold her and I hide my eyes and then sweep in to save the day and give the snuggles when it's all over:) Four band aids on such a little body are just not right!

She came home from her appt. and went straight for a nap. She slept for THREE hours, which officially ended the nap wars. I actually got a little nervous because she slept for so long. But, then she woke up and was her usual, happy self.

Our crazy, wild weekend is kicking off tonight with some Chinese take-out and the DVD "Atonement." I've really wanted to see it, and I've recently sat through "Transformers," all the "John Adams" episodes on HBO, and "The Untouchables" with Troy lately, so I feel like he owes me big time! If you can top that kind of excitement, I'll be shocked. Just shocked. :)

The Nap Wars

It's happening again. The nap wars have returned to the household. And I am no fan of the nap wars. Lily sleeps great at night for the most part. Last night, she was up from 4:45 until 6:15. AM. She fought her morning nap for about an hour and finally slept for about 45 min. and same goes for the afternoon nap. She is very tired; it's obvious. She has sleepy, red eyes, sucks her thumb, lays down on the floor in the living room - the girl is TIRED. But the second she goes to her crib, she either fusses or starts playing. What is her deal? Do you think she's ready to just go to one nap a day? When do most babies do that? It's such a cliche, but don't you wish there was an instruction manual with EXACTLY the right thing to do? It's the trial and error that's tough!

Maybe she was just excited that it was her birthday. :)

One Year Ago Tonight

I was terrified of what the morning might bring.

I was touched more than I thought possible by a young woman struggling to provide for the two children she was parenting and to make the best decision possible for her, her boys, and the child she was carrying.

I was moved to tears to hear her speak of her love for the baby growing inside her about to be born and how when she saw our profile, she felt we were meant to be the baby's parents.

I wanted so badly to be excited about the impending birth of Autumn's baby, but I couldn't get over the nerves. We had just experienced such a heart-wrenching failed match, and I couldn't allow myself to feel excited. Plus, I knew the baby was still Autumn's until she signed revocation papers.

My husband and I went exploring Salt Lake City, Utah to try to get our minds off what was happening. It didn't work:)

We bought Autumn and Lily matching stuffed bunnies (it was the weekend before Easter). Since then, we've taken Lily's picture with her bunny so Autumn can watch her grow.

I didn't know the beautiful girl growing inside our amazing birthmom's tummy. I didn't know she'd have curly hair and enormous eyes. I didn't know she would have the chubbiest, most kissable cheeks I'd ever seen. I didn't know she would LOVE to be swaddled and sang to. I didn't know her first word would be "HI" whenever she saw me come in the room. I didn't know she'd love bananas and hate peas so much that her entire body would shiver when I tried to feed them to her. I had no idea her tiny nose would crinkle when she smiles and that her laugh would make me laugh no matter what. I didn't know she'd love her bath, but hate having her hair washed. I didn't know she'd suck her thumb when she gets sleepy. And love to be rocked to sleep and pat my back while I pat hers. :)

I knew I would love whatever baby came to me no matter how he or she came to me. But, I didn't know it would be this much. I remember praying one year ago tonight with my whole heart for Autumn and for her baby about to be born. And tonight, I pray again with my whole heart for Autumn. I thank her and God for my beautiful daughter who brings joy and laughter and so much love to every single day. I've shed a few tears in the writing of this post, which is only fitting. I'm pretty sure I shed a few a year ago, too:)

Birthday Party: Take One

Well, our first party was a smashing success. I managed to avoid getting too emotional, but I really can't believe my baby girl is nearly one. I'm process tons of emotions right now about Autumn - I can't get her out of my mind. I'm sure she's thinking about us right now, too, and even though she's still not in touch with us, I feel connected to her very much right now. More on that in a later post; I don't know how to express how I feel yet. SO...onto what I know you're in this for, pictures of the party and a beautiful baby in a pink tutu:)

Performing for all her loyal subjects! :)


Her cousin took one of her new toys. Total tragedy.

This is her new "belly laugh" reserved for occasions when something is particularly hilarious.

My mom made this princess highchair cover. I love it and may never take it off :)

We were all very happy to get into our jammies after the day was over!

It's very surreal to think that exactly one year ago today, I was sitting in a hotel room in Utah wishing and hoping for this miracle baby to be my daughter. And today, she looks up at me and says "mamama" (well, let's be honest, half the time she says "dadada" or blows raspberries in my face, but whatever.) It's amazing, truly beyond what I can convey in words. Hope you're having a happy weekend.!

I have a RAVE! "Naptime Is The New Happy Hour"

The title alone was enough to make me read! :)For all you moms out there who have been right here with me during my "pull my own hair out" moments this past year, have I got a book for you. I'm reviewing Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's new book, "Naptime Is The New Happy Hour," and I can not rave about it enough. It's snarky and silly and a little naughty, and I so wish Stephanie Wilder-Taylor lived next door to me. I am embarassed to admit that I had to email her immediately after reading because I loved the book so much. I felt like a groupie:) I laughed out loud SO many times while reading, and I literally read it cover to cover in less than two days. Poor Lil took a backseat, I'm afraid, but hey, it was mommy's time. :)

The book is hilarious. In the intro, I knew I was hooked when I read, "For the first year your main job is to keep the little suckers alive. Now that's not nearly enough. A mom of a toddler has a whole new set of concerns, worries, and questions, like 'Who the h*ll is this Dora chick? And why does my child need to own everything with her picture on it? Is it wrong to have a cocktail at two in the afternoon...You're shaping little minds, imparting valuable lessons like, 'Just because your mom eats food off the floor, doesn't mean you can do it."

What struck me most, though, is the idea of letting go of the guilt of not feeling like Mommy of the Year because your baby loves to watch tv (guilty!) or because you don't do playdates or fit in well with the super mommies at the gym or you like to read US Weekly while your baby plays on the floor (guilty again). I got this book at the perfect time for me because I am far too hard on myself (aren't we all?) It is so important to me to do this well that I often forget about taking care of myself. At the same time, the book is a fantastic reminder of how quickly these years go and instead of worrying so much about the stupid things we need to just LET our houses be dirty and hug on our babies. :) She tells so many personal stories using hysterical pop culture references about her experiences and what helped her through them that you feel like you've just made a new friend who finally GETS you after you've read it.

I highly, highly recommend this book for any mom who has a great sense of humor about motherhood. And if you need one more reason to buy, the front cover shows a diaper bag with two wine bottles in it. Don't tell me I'm the only one who has considered doing that. :)

I've linked Stephanie Wilder-Taylor's blog in my side bar, but I'm going to add it HERE, as well. Trust me, it's worth a click!

Good news all around! :)

In the mail today: a check for $400.97 from the hospital in Salt Lake City. Nearly a year later, but still cash in our pocket all the same. I'll again praise our fantastic agency for their support, not only during our adoption and post placement, but in this situation a year after their duties are technically over. I'll also say again to anyone reading who is considering adoption and isn't sure which agency to choose, leave your email address in a comment because I can't say enough about our agency.

Second, I got news about Baby L whom I wrote about last week. He has successfully undergone two surgeries at Johns Hopkins and is doing very well. His amazing parents are doing very well, too, and are very optimistic about his prognosis. Thank you for your prayers and support for him.

Third, it is GORGEOUS here today. Lily and I just spent an hour sitting on a blanket in our front yard watching the cars go by. That may not have seemed too exciting to me a year ago, but now just being outside sitting on a blanket with my baby was one of the most peaceful yet energizing things I could've spend an afternoon doing. We have tulips coming up in our yard and all is right with the world:)

Gambling babies and other Easter happenings

We had the best weekend visiting our family up north. Lily has so much fun when she gets to play with her cousin, and I really feel like she learns like crazy from him. We got some of the cutest pictures of her over the weekend:

In her little Easter dress before church

This is the pouty face I get when she's told "no" about anything. Can you believe all this sass?

Gambling babies. Nothing says Easter like a baby with a poker chip. :) I hope you all had a nice Easter if you celebrate it and a lovely weekend no matter what. I'm deep in the trenches of planning the first birthday party. Our first one (yes, we're having two - our families are too far apart to do one together) is this Sat. and I'm nowhere near ready. It's the whole denial thing again. :)

Num Num...Num Num

This is what Lily says every single time she sees anyone eating anything. She is turning into a little baby bird -always the mouth open sitting at my feet. :) Last night, I was eating some yogurt and you would've thought it was chocolate cake the way she ate it up. It may be strange, but I love, love, love sharing my food with her. I love that she snuggles up to me (even though she's using me for my food) and looks up saying "num num" while raising her eyebrows up and down. It is the funniest thing!

No news yet on Baby L. Thanks for your continued prayers.

In other news, as Lily's first birthday gets closer and closer, I find myself feeling SO sentimental. I can't believe it's been nearly a year. I really get emotional just thinking about where we were even a year ago today. One year ago today, we hadn't even matched yet. We hadn't talked to Autumn and we had no clue what was about to happen to us. We had no idea our beautiful girl was only two weeks away. It's a reminder on this crazy adoption roller coaster - things can change out of nowhere. Hope comes from the most unlikely sources and a baby could be right around the corner. It's nuts! I'm getting ready for the party, though. I have the cutest little princess party invites and some cutesy decor, but WAIT until you see Lily's outfit. We got her an "I'm 1" onesie and a big poofy pink tutu to wear with it. You can bet there will be pictures posted! :) But, I'm still in denial as of right now. :)

Perspective

An acquaintance of mine brought a bit closer through a mutual understanding of the grief of infertility is dealing with a huge heartbreak right now. She gave birth to her son, baby "L" conceived via invitro last week. He was full term, but he was born with very serious complications. She is fine, but he is being transferred to a leading research hospital. They believe this is the only possibility for his recovery. I'm vague, I know, but I want to be careful to protect their privacy.
It puts everything in perspective. Motherhood can be so difficult, but it's the best difficult there is. And if you have a healthy baby, regardless of what it took to get him or her here, then you have everything in the world. My heart truly breaks for her tonight, and I'd love it if you'd send some prayers or thoughts or hope for healing baby "L's" way. I'll be saying a special prayer of gratitude and praise for all of our beautiful babies either here or still on their way.

Bad, bad mommy!!

So, we're all sick again. It's like the three of us are just passing the same cold around and around. It's nuts and I am so sick of sick! I had a terrible bad mommy moment yesterday. I was laying on the floor in Lily's room trying to maintain semi-consciousness while Lily played with her blocks and climbed all over me. Well, I had my eyes shut and she crawled over to her dresser, pulled the drawer open and then slammed it WITH her little thumb inside. I felt so terrible. It pinched the skin on her thumb, but not the nail, and she cried but only for a second. Our trick to stopping her crying is to show her herself in the mirror. She smiles and giggles immediately. I swear, this girl can pick herself out of a picture of fifty people. She LOVES to look at herself. Anyway, her thumb is fine - there's barely a mark today, but man, I still feel bad. It's so hard to keep up with her when all I want to do is crawl into bed and be sick. Where's Mary Poppins when you need her?