Daylight Savings wears me out

Man, just when we get back to our regularly scheduled events in our household...it comes. Daylight Savings Time!!! So, what's the policy here? Do we still put Lily down at the "regular" times? Or will her bedtime be 8 now since it was 7 before? I've read that babies' schedules are based on circadian rhythms because obviously they don't understand clock time, so that makes me think I stick to the physical time and ignore the clock. Or is that making it harder? What are you doing to cope with DST?

Also, I have so loved hearing about all of your trips! I think I might add a section here for travel blog links. I love living vicariously through everyone else's photos, and like I said, the planning is half the fun for me. We still have no clue what we'll do, when we'll do it, and if we can even swing it financially, but we have so many great ideas now. AND, I have the most fantastic link for you. If you're having a bad day for any reason at all: dealing with treatments, struggling with decisions, dealing with stinky people at work, fighting with your husband, sister, friends, whatever, well, then take a visit HERE. Click through some photos of people's trips to Tahiti, my dream vacation and run away spot. How gorgeous!! I just love those over water bungalows...and maybe someday when we're financially caught up and we don't owe anyone anything and we aren't saving for a child or paying off an adoption and when hell freezes over:), we'll put money aside and GO :)

I can't believe I've forgotten to blog about this until now, but Miss Lil is saying WORDS. Only like three, but it's the best! She says, "HI!!" in a very excited voice whenever she sees someone come in the room. Literally, I'll step out for two seconds, but that two seconds is long enough to warrant another HI when I come back. :) And she says something like "dee dee" whenever she sees our cat. We take that to mean "kitty" in our house. :) And as of this morning, the ducks says, "gak gak" and the lion says, "grrrrrr." The lion sound is more of a grunt, but we'll take it! It's so cute; she has always been a really verbal baby, and it's funny to see her really try to mimic what we say. It never fails to blow me away how much they learn and how quickly! She's a little sponge! I told my husband SOME of us need to watch what they say around the house a bit more carefully:) Not me, of course! :)

Calling All Travelers!!

(This is my 150th post - that's exciting! :)

So, our 5th wedding anniversary is this Oct. I know that is months and months away, but for me, part of the fun of travel is the planning. I love to go on trip advisor's website and read hotel reviews and check out travelers' photos. Here's where I'm stumped: Where in the world should we go? We honeymooned and have vacationed in Mexico and absolutely LOVED it and aren't necessarily opposed to going back. But, I'm not sure we can swing the cost. If we could find a great deal -maybe. Do you have a favorite vacation spot you can recommend? Somewhere relaxing where we can celebrate 5 years of wedded bliss :) I'm seriously open to ANYTHING: cities, beaches, international locales - anything. We can't spend a ridiculous amount of money or believe me, we'd be in Tahiti!!

So, suggest away!!! And if you have a blog with travel photos or a snapfish account or something with travel photos that you'd let me peek at, you'd be my best friend for life. :)

Divine Intervention

Truly, God must have known I was hitting a serious breaking point because yesterday, it was 70 degrees here. It's back in the high 30s today, but yesterday was like a bit of heaven. So, we got the heck out of the house and took Lily to the zoo for the first time. It was so renewing just to be outside and to be enjoying something new with my daughter. She loved it so much! She was more interested in watching the other kids than checking out the animals, but it was so exciting to see her get to excited:) It sounds so cheesy, but feeling the warm sunshine was so theraputic!

And speaking of therapy, I can't thank you enough for your support. I was SURE I'd get at least one or two scoldings about the way I was feeling. And I had no doubt at all that there was something wrong with me because of how I felt. Reading that so many of you said you could've written that exact post at any point in motherhood made me feel so great. Just not feeling alone makes all the difference. And I love what many of you said about these being REAL mom feelings. Because I'm a real mom. Not an adoptive mom only - but a real mom. One who loves with a fierce love but who also needs time for herself before she goes totally nuts-o. :) Truly, thank you with all that I have for being so awesome and so supportive. I got very teary eyed every time a new comment came to my inbox. Thank you. :)

I'm going to leave you with the sunshine that I got to experience yesterday. Just look at this girl. What a face! :) I love her big cheesy smile in the third one and her little, ladylike crossed feet in the last one. Silly Lil.:)

The Joys of Parenting

I have been very MIA lately. To be honest, I'm having a bit of a tough time lately. I don't know if it's Lily's quickly approaching 1st birthday or what, but mommyhood is seriously stressing me out. To be fair, she's been sick for nearly two weeks now, which leads (in her case) to very little sleep and all-around crankiness. She goes days without napping and is turning into a chronically tired girl. I'm having some really tough days. And I feel like I'm not allowed to have tough days because of what we went through to finally have her. I feel like because I prayed for her so hard and wanted her so badly that I'm held to a higher standard of parenting than other moms. Maybe I'm the only one holding myself to those standards, but I feel the pressure of them nevertheless. I feel like it's okay for some of my friends to complain about how hard it is to be a stay at home mom some days, but that it's not okay for me to do it because of how hard it was to get here. I feel like I'm supposed to be happy 100% of the time, and honestly, I resent it. I love staying home with Lily, but my husband works as an adjunct professor which means he works constantly and some days from 9:00am to 10:00pm with only a few hours break in between classes. Starting now, he's teaching classes every night of the week but Friday. He is amazingly helpful when he's home, but when he works so much, I'm doing all of this on my own. And I'm exhausted. But, the catch is that to be able to have me home, he has to work as much as he can. And full time university positions, especially in this economy, are few and far between though believe me, we're looking.

Part of the problem, too, I know is my fault. I feel so much pressure to constantly be a super mom. I feel like if she's awake, I have to be playing with her or teaching her something. And heaven knows, you can only read "Goodnight Moon" and play with the stackable blocks for so long until you're ready to pull your hair out. If I'm completely honest, I have days where I long to sleep late and go out for dinner and have adult conversation. That doesn't mean I want to go back to life before her, of course. I really hope nobody rips me for this because I know how lucky I am to have Lily. And I love her with my whole heart. This is, again, the sort of "survivors guilt" problem of parenting after infertility. We aren't allowed to be unhappy or struggle with any aspect of parenting because it was so hard to get here. And because we know there are women who would do anything to be where we are. But, for the love, I'm human. And being a mom is really hard work sometimes. And I feel how I feel, and I need to be able to talk about it somewhere - so this is my chosen outlet. I hate that I feel like I have to qualify this yet again by saying how much I love my daughter. I feel like anyone who didn't struggle with infertility wouldn't have to do that. They could just vent and it would be understood how much they love their child.

Sorry for this crazy, bummer of a post, but like I said, I'm having a hard time right now, and I needed to vent. I'm not even going to go back and reread what I've typed because I typed it as it was coming to me, and it's been a sort of therapy, so I'm just going to hit publish and move the heck on. :)

Facebook - my new addiction

It's ridiculous! I should never, ever have gotten started. I thought My Space was bad -it's nothing compared to how addictive facebook is. My silly sister got me started on it. However, it's gotten me through some rough night hours with Miss Lil being sick. She's still fighting the worst cold, but she keeps on smiling right through it. What a little trooper!

I also caved and finally bought some stuff for her first birthday party. I am so in denial that she's almost a year old already. I found some super cute princess stuff, so I'm looking forward to the decorating if not looking forward to the fact that my baby is growing up so fast! Sorry for the super short post, but I wanted to at least check in and say hi and report that while Lily isn't tons better, she's not any worse! :) Is it summer yet?

Sick baby / sleepy mommy!

I hate being sick myself, but Lily being sick is a million times worse. She woke up two nights ago with a fever and the worst congestion. It came totally out of nowhere! The fever is now low grade and sort of comes and goes with Motrin, but now in addition to the cold, she's having very messy diapers, if you get my drift. We just got back from our pediatrician (whom I love!!! They always make me feel important and like my questions are valid), and she's just got a nasty virus. But, I tell you what, not once has she been a terrible grump. She is the best natured girl! The worst part is the lack of sleep at night. I've been in this phase lately where I've been really missing the tiny baby stages. I miss being able to hold and rock her. BUT, after the past two nights of little sleep, what in the world was I thinking? :) I was terrible at the newborn stuff. The lack of sleep really impacted me in a way I wasn't at all ready for. :) And there's nothing better than the fact that she gives affection now because she wants to. When they're tiny, they'll let you hold and snuggle them, but mostly because they don't do anything else. Now, when she crawls to me and lays her head on my shoulder, it's her choice. I love that!

And thanks so much for some of the tax pointers below. I had totally forgotten we can claim the rest of the amount over the next five years. That makes a huge difference! And I'm so glad you all enjoyed the pictures of my baby enjoying a Miller High Life. :) Happy weekend!

Where, oh where, have I been?

Doing my taxes, that's where. And it sure did stink. I was under the oh-so-wrong impression that the adoption tax credit was fantastic. HA!! You have to make a certain amount of money in the first place in order to get back even close to the 11K the govn. promises. We only qualified for about 2500, which I will take gladly. But, I can't help think that those of us who make FAR less than the 150K or so needed to get the entire refund back, YET paid the same 25K to adopt that the 150K folks did should maybe get that entire amount back - like the 150K -ers might. But who am I to criticize the government, right? :) Here's what Lily thinks of taxes:

She can't take it, either. :)

This girl is all of the sudden a ball of energy. Remember how she wasn't napping at all? Well, now that's she's crawling like a mad woman, she seems to be sleeping all the time! She wears herself out! It's so true that just when you get used to them doing one thing or being on a certain schedule, they go and change on you. :) Her two front top teeth are slowly coming in, too, and it's hilarious how much their looks change when they get teeth. Someone said to me over the weekend how she's losing her little baby looks, and it's so true. It makes me want to cry on one hand that the time goes so quickly and on the other hand, I'm so proud of this little person I'm raising. She is the biggest ham in the entire world. I will not be surprised if she's a performer of some sort. Here is the face she likes to give the camera:

What a goof ball!!! She squints up her eyes and that little nose and gives the biggest cheese smile ever. It's so funny how quickly they learn how to play the camera. She's babbling up a storm, too. And nothing in the entire world has ever made me feel as good as walking into the room, having her little face light up, and watching her crawl as quickly as she can to me and reach up for me with the biggest smile. That's love, my friends. :)

And finally, let me show you what passes for humor in our house:

Yes, that's beer. Yes, my husband thinks that's hilarious. And yes, I did giggle a little bit. She's just reaching for it with such gusto!! Please don't call Child Protective Services on us - we didn't let her drink it or anything. :)

This is why I was never friends with girls in high school

I visit thenest.com pretty regularly. It started when I became wedding obsessed before getting engaged and turned to theknot.com to help with planning all aspects of my wedding. Once I got back from our honeymoon and had that horrible wedding let-down depression that follows for many brides who have put so much time into planning a single event (in hindsight, I wish we had taken the money my parents offered and RUN! Vegas, baby!!:) I turned to the sister sight for married gals - thenest.com. There are boards for every single time of life. Boards for moms of babies of all ages, infertility boards, book discussion boards, travel boards, and even now an election 08 board. This is the board I would like to discuss. :)

I am a political junky. I think that's been established. And I was so excited to find a place with well-educated women who could discuss politics and the election without judging each other, but why is that not possible sometimes when large group of women get together? It makes me so sad. Last night, the conversation on the election board turned from politics and the election to stay at home moms. Why that topic of conversation you ask. Who in the world knows. You wouldn't believe the way some of these women came down on women who stay at home with their children. It bothered me more than I can say. To me, feminism is about having a CHOICE. Women have the freedom now to choose whatever path in life they want. So calling someone archaic because they stay home with their children, to me, is taking a step backwards. The second argument on the board occured when one poster said she had never met a stay home mom who is interesting. Hello stereotypes? Isn't that what all of us tolerant, open-minded people are supposed to avoid? Some of these women pride themselves on being so super-tolerant of all people. There are threads and threads of conversation regarding tolerance and open mindedness. Okay, so you're accepting of everyone but me because I am my child's full time care giver? I just don't get that.

I'll quote here the post entitled "Okay, talk me down: Most of you know my distaste for SAHMs. And yes, I realize it's their choice and bladdy bladdy. I get that.Here's my deal.I've never met one that I really could relate to. That didn't have their world completely revolving around their children, their house, their DH." Distaste for stay at home moms? You are kidding me. The post had many comments - some from stay at home moms arguing their value as a person and others from women supporting this poster's view point. It boggles my mind; it really does. One of my personal favorite responses was, "I'd rather have bamboo chutes stuck under my fingernails than to carry on a conversation about daycare and soap operas." Nice. Why in the world do we do this to each other? These women have the total right to make their own choices. And I was a working woman before Lily was born. But you know what? My career choice doesn't define me. We are far more than just our jobs. I have a Master's Degree. And to that some women on the board responded that women like me who have higher education degrees are marginalized by staying home and are hurting other women who choose their careers because the glass ceiling is harder to break through when employers know women "like me" aren't in their careers for the long haul. Wow. I'm well-educated, and I made the informed decision that was right for me and my family. Why should anyone judge another person for that? And to say just because I stay home, I'm probably not interesting because my world is my child and soap operas? HA. I don't watch soaps. I watch MSNBC almost all day. And so what if I did watch a soap. I'm sure lots of working moms Tivo a soap opera or two. And yes, my child probably is the center of my world. Same goes for women who choose to work outside the home. Working outside the home doesn't mean your child isn't the center of your world. We have to all do what is right for us. My decisions aren't right for every woman and vice versa.

I guess my main point is that I get so disgusted and saddened by the way some women treat other women. Think of the good we could do if we stopped judging and tearing down each other and focused on supporting one another. This community is special that way. It's one thing I am grateful to infertility for (I never thought I'd ever say that!). But, it's something that makes me crazy about being a woman. The men just have a slug fest and get over it. They don't care and don't focus that much on judging each other (this is what my husband believes. I discussed the posts with him last night, and he just shook his head and said, "Girls are dumb." :) I think he's working on a club house out back and will post a big sign that says "No girls allowed." ) Anyway, to wrap it up and step down off my soap box, I am so proud to be a woman. I read all these blogs and feel so amazed at what we have come through and how we've handled it with grace and by never giving up and always supporting each other. Why can't that translate? We need to give each other a break! Well, maybe "we" don't, but THOSE women do! :) Whew...I'm worn out. When do the soaps come on? :)

Hooray! A Snow Day! :)

Okay, I know I stay home with Lily, so it's not like I benefit like I used to through snow days when I taught. However, I still felt giddy and excited when I woke up this morning and school was cancelled. I did feel a second of relief, also, that even if school hadn't been cancelled - I don't have to be anywhere! :) As tough as being a stay at home mom can be some days, I still have little moments of excitement when I remember I get to always set my own schedule. Well, my ten month old dictator sets the schedule often, too. :) But, you know what I mean. :)

Look at the beautiful sight I was met with this morning:

That car's not going anywhere today!! My husband has a fire going in our fireplace, we have a brand new Sopranos dvd that came in the mail from Blockbuster, and I'm pretty sure I have all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies. This is my kind of day! :)

I'm a new woman!

I joined a gym this week!! Well, our Jewish Community Center, actually. But there is an awesome gym there, plus mommy and me classes for Miss Lil and me, an indoor pool, tons of art, theatre, dance classes, etc. The Center is right down the street from us, and I'm very embarassed to say this, but I thought we couldn't join because we're not Jewish. But, it's not that way at all! :) It is so family oriented - a really warm, awesome place. We've been wanting to join for quite some time, but it was tough for us to justify spending the money on it right now - even though it's not super expensive. Staying home was a real adjustment for us financially, but because I am at home so much with Lily, in the end I felt like it was something really important for me to do. It's crucial, I think, for moms to take good care of themselves. It's so easy to give your kids 1,000,000% of what you have because you love them so much, but it's very easy to get burned out and tired and in turn (for me anyway) eat foods that are very bad for you. Now, I'm not saying I'm giving up chocolate. Let's not be crazy!! :) But, I've worked out three times this week, which is three times more than I did last week, so I'm feeling good. PLUS, the childcare there is fantastic and very cheap (only $4 an hour!), so Lily can make some new little friends. She doesn't get any time really with kids other than the nursery at church, but she LOVES little ones, so I know she'll have a great time.

Plus (and I won't lie - this was a huge bonus for me) the Center has THREE outdoor pools for the summer. I can just see myself this summer with my new hot body in a teeny tiny bikini (let me dream, okay! In my dream, I have the body of Heidi Klum, okay?) next to the pool. Okay, reality is I'll be in my very modest tankini playing with a chubby little girl in floaties:) But, I can't wait.

So, my question today is: What do you do that is nice for yourself? Whether you're a new mom or have older kids or are expecting a baby or are dealing with infertility or whatever - we all need to give ourselves little pampering moments - so what do you do? :)