You're still trying, aren't you?

It's true. We were asked this just yesterday. "You're still trying (for a biological child), aren't you?" Um....well...number one, what a totally personal, invasive question. I really need to come up with snappy retorts, but I just didn't have one. Next time, do I fire back with, "How often do you TRY for a baby?" wink, wink, nudge, nudge....? Second, to me (and yet again it may be my ultra-sensitive nature) it's implying that we're still shooting for the goal, for the ultimate prize of finally conceiving. I already HAVE my ultimate prize - she's a silly round bundle of baby who is currently staring at me like she already knows who runs this house. :) I don't want to fight the adoption fight with every single conversation I have about it, but some things just make me so mad.
For the record, too, and maybe this needs to be part of my snappy retort, for most of us infertiles, there's no real trying outside of a lab or doctor's office. Sorry for the bluntness, but we're not using pills or anything to prevent pregnancy, but that doesn't cause me to ovulate a good egg or magically have a baby start growing some place it probably can't, now does it? When I asked our RE about whether or not I should go on the pill to prevent, she said our chances of ever conceiving (even WITH all their fancy schmancy help) was remote. Remote ain't good. It was also followed with a "but little miracles happen every day." You know what, though? I'm NOT looking to get pregnant. I am very happy with our daughter, and I feel like the right thing for us to do if/when we are ready for a second baby is to adopt him/her, as well. Adoption, for us, is not a consolation prize. I'm all up on my soapbox, but Lily isn't what we did in the meantime while we were secretly waiting and hoping to get pregnant. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with building a family through adoption or bio kids or BOTH - I'm not at all arguing against having a biological child if you've adopted or adopting after you've already had a bio child - what bothers me here is the implication that Lily was a short cut (PLEASE! Short cut my you know what!) to a child while we continue to strive for our "own." Too sensitive - wouldn't be the first time. Idiot asking questions - won't be the last, I'm sure. :)

Oh Happy Day

Most importantly, my wonderful, beautiful blog pal GLouise has just become a mommy. She and her husband have just adopted lovely little Elizabeth. Please go over and wish her congrats; they are going to be wonderful parents, and they have waited and prayed for this little girl for so long.

Next, my silly little Lily has ROLLED OVER!!! She did it three times in her crib yesterday. Isn't it funny the things that fill your heart with joy? You would've thought she cured cancer with the way we were going on and on about it. She's just brilliant! :) The following are two pictures that we took right before the momentous event took place:)

Lastly, I scheduled our final post-placement visit this morning. On Sept. 28th, we will meet with the social worker for the final time. Just one more step toward finalization. Things are pretty sunshine-y this morning!

Cool Mornings

We slept with the windows open last night. That is by far one of my favorite things in the world to do. I love cool nights and mornings where you get to bury under the covers and sleep with just your face out. (and a foot for me...I have to have one foot out of the covers at all times.) :)

I love fall and after the past 20 days of 95+ temps, I am thrilled to have the windows open and feel a cool breeze. We even put Lily in a little sleeper this morning. Look at the cuteness; she looks totally freaked out, doesn't she? :)

Early Morning Ramblings

My little stinker decided that 5:00 am was the exact right time to practice her talking. She loves to babble away to herself in her crib, and I usually cherish the sounds...usually. :) I tried to go back to sleep now that she's snoozing away again, but I keep thinking about things to do, so now I'm up watching Morning Joe on MSNBC and blogging so as to avoid all the things I "have" to do today. (They're doing coverage of the Princess Diana memorial...and may I say that those princes are sure nice looking young men.) :)


I also wanted to vent for a sec about the issue I wrote about a few days ago that we're dealing with concerning my husband's little brother. He had a birthday party on Sunday, and we were really nervous about taking Lily over there after what happened with him taunting her about being adopted and blah, blah, blah. Well, there was none of that this time, but he was SO rough with her. He kept grabbing her arms, and I'd tell him to stop three or more times before he would. We finally just kept her away from him. As we were leaving, she was in her carseat and was admittedly being a touch grouchy ( I would be, too, after being manhandled by an obnoxious kid), and he knelt down and SCREAMED into her face. it freaked her out so bad and took us a few minutes to get her calmed down. I thought my husband was going to put him through a window. It's so upsetting because he is family, but it's to the point where I don't want her anywhere near him. My husband talked to his dad about it, but the entire thing was totally dismissed as "too much sugar." I'm really not so sure. It's a touch too much psycho for me. What do you do when parents won't discipline their kid and it impacts your kid?

In happy "couple" news, Lily spent the night last weekend with her grandparents and gave us a night totally to ourselves. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to dress up and be just me for awhile. It reminded me how important it is to get away for awhile and not to be "mommy" all the time. It's tough for me not to be on Lily-patrol 24/7, but I'm realizing more and more that I need it, my husband needs it, and Lily needs it! I want her to be comfortable with other people, and I want some of my life back. I think we're going to plan a small weekend getaway this fall for our anniversary. I'm really looking forward to it. Any location recommendations?

Picture Post

Sad to say, but there is nothing much new at our house!! Soooo...instead of a fun-filled post, I'm going to leave a few new pics of my girl. She's growing like crazy!!! :) And we wanted to go get her a bumbo seat because she wants to sit up SO bad...but her legs are too chubby to fit. We laughed so hard. :) The box says they fit babies up to 12 months...what do they know!!

Since there's nothing much to comment on here, (other than my daughter's incredible, matchless beauty! :) why don't YOU leave me an update on you in the comment section. What's new? How are things? Fill me in! :)

Open Adoption Article

My good blog pal, GLouise, posted recently about an article found in the LA Times regarding Open Adoption. Before I even get into my thoughts on it, I'm going to link it so you can read for yourself.

Link One



Link Two



Now that you've read it, if you're a prospective adoptive parent you're probably freaked out, and if you're an adoptive parent, you may just be as frustrated as I am. All parents are advocates for their kids. It's an especially tricky path to navigate at times in dealing with adoption. As you know, our adoption is semi-private meaning we do pictures and letters. That is by Autumn's request. If she wanted to see us, I'd be on the first flight. Maybe someday she will.



In reading the article, especially the horribly skewed stats at the end, I can't help but feel that we've all been portrayed incorrectly yet again. I know the reporter did TONS of research on this specific case. I do not doubt that Kendall struggled in dealing with her birth and adoptive mothers. BUT, pinning the blame on the adoption itself is completely wrong. She had a mother-figure in and out of her life for her entire childhood. There were spans of time where her birthmom was completely gone without a word. She didn't call when she said she would and she missed big events she said she'd come to. ANY child with a parental figure who behaves that way might have issues stemming from childhood, in my ever so humble opinion.



Also, the stats at the end....you can skew statistics to say whatever you want them to say. We have no idea what their full study group looks like. Our homestudy was excellent in debunking adoption myths; our social worker just emailed me after reading the article and stated,"one reason it appears that adopted children may have more needs, emotionally and developmentally is that adoptive parents tend to make more money and are more likely to see that if their children have problems they will definitely seek help vs. lower income families who may not have the resources to seek help for their children's problems." Now about the more money bit...well, that's not us :) But, I do agree that as adoptive parents and as people who have endured infertility (for the most part) we are maybe more sensitive to any emotional issues that may arise.



I have one more point to make, and it's not the most "politically correct" thing I've ever said. And I hope very much that it's taken the right way. Birthmoms are amazing, and I am NOT stereotyping; I am sharing my own personal experience. Our first match that fell through was a baby who would've most likely been born addicted to cocaine because his mom was using. I know most birthmoms do NOT use drugs, but I am saying that in that specific situation, if we would have had to eventually have that baby treated for any sort of behavior or emotional disorder or any special need, would it be because he was adopted? Or maybe, just maybe could it be because of the prenatal exposure to cocaine? I DO feel that in saying that 41% of people adopted as infants need therapy for emotional issues and 24% need special education, the extenuating circumstances need to be known (NOT necessarily drug use)! Adoption does not equal a need for special education!



I guess my entire point is that I just wish for once that an article would be done that portrayed adoption in a positive light. There are families who are messed up - biological and adopted. But, adoption doesn't necessarily define a family - it's just the way it is created. Where are the examples of people who were adopted who are happy, well-adjusted people? Because I have a few friends/co-workers who are adopted, and they are incredible, successful people. A few of them have their birthmoms in their lives and a couple don't. Either way, they all are very attached to their adoptive parents, actually they're just their PARENTS. Period.



I hope this comes across well; I don't want to offend anyone at all. I'm not pro or anti open adoption, and I don't think that it's because her birthmom was in her life that Kendall had issues. I think it's because she dealt constantly with the threat of rejection - the article even states that. I just get so tired of adoption stereotypes and nothing but anecdotal evidence to back it up.

I am now linking some articles I've found that debunk all this negativity:

Nature vs. Nurture: A New Look at How Families Work



Good News: Adopted Kids Do Just As Well



Study Disputes Adoption Myths

Good gracious, this has taken me an hour to write because I'm so afraid I'm offending someone:) But, I really think something needs to be said - this article is not a fair representation of our families. I plan to email the reporter immediately, and if you feel as I do, I hope you'll do so, as well.

Happy weekend! :)

My first book review!

I love to read! In elementary school, the only time I got in trouble was when I was caught reading "A Wrinkle in Time" under my desk during Math. :) That being said, I am thrilled to post my first book review for Mother Talk. James Patterson's "Maximum Ride: Saving The World And Other Extreme Sports," is the author's latest young adult novel. Young adult? What? James Patterson, the author of such ADULT novels as "Kiss the Girls" and "Along Came A Spider" has also written an exciting, fresh series geared toward kids. Who knew? Well, everyone but me apparently! :) This series has quite a following! I must admit I was hesitant when I started reading. The premise involves a flock of Bird Kids who are trying to save the planet from a mad scientist. Bird kids? Yes, they have bird DNA and can fly. I was never a huge fan of science fiction, but the book is engaging and I can definitely see why it has such a huge and dedicated following.

Before even getting into the novel, I started to do some looking into its appeal. Max, the novel's main character is a 14-year old strong, sassy chick, yet she also demonstrates compassion toward the younger members of the flock. I love it! It can be tough to find strong female characters in young adult novels. I know that's something I looked for when I was choosing novels for my students to read. I taught at an all-girls school and found that the girls always responded best to reading female leads they could identify with. Also, the novel appeals to young people through technology. Max's "love interest," Fang, has a blog. That's right, bloggers, 6 Kids, 12 Wings, and 1 Blog is a place where Fang (and Max occasionally) post updates encouraging kids to become bloggers themselves, gives updates on a possible movie, and on future books.

"Maximum Ride" is, in my opinion, for younger readers. I can't imagine my 15 year old sister-in-law enjoying it, but I know my 11 year old cousins would probably love it. I would caution parents about having younger children read it due to the amount of violence. It's nothing too graphic, but it's there. "Maximum Ride" is full of hip and trendy language that does not really appeal to the older reader. Or am I just not hip? Who knows. But, when dealing with trying to get kids to read, it doesn't really matter if the book appeals to us fogies. What matters is that more than 5 million kids were so excited about the book that they clicked on the website to encourage a movie. Anything that gets kids that excited about reading is okay by me.

Rough night

We took Lily to visit my husband's family tonight. He has a younger brother (A) who is only 7. I left the room for about five minutes and returned to Lily in her swing with A standing next to her singing "You're a little baby. You are adopted. You don't have a mommy. She is not your real mommy." I lost it; my face turned hot and tears just spilled out of my eyes. He's a child; I know. And when his mom and I realized what he was singing, his mom was horrified and did take him back into his room for awhile. She told me she talked to him about it, and here's the thing, he LOVES Lily. He's so proud to tell everyone she's his niece. I know he doesn't even really know what he's saying and he's probably really just interested in the whole process, but, I'm still shaken up a bit. I didn't mention anything to my husband because I don't want to upset him. So I'm letting my sadness and fear out here. I never want her to hear that again, but she will. I know she will hear things like that from people who don't understand. And I love her so much and I feel with my whole entire heart so deeply that she is my daughter that it breaks my heart to think that even though she's only a baby that she has heard already a voice tell her that she has no mommy and that I am not her mommy.
I am going to hold my baby now. Happier posts tomorrow; I'm sure.

Legacy of an Adopted Child

Once there were two women
Who never knew each other
One you do not remember
The other you call Mother

Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one
One became your guiding star
The other became your sun

The first gave you life
And the second taught you to
Live in it
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it

One gave you a nationality
The other gave you a name
One gave you the seed of talent
The other gave you an aim

One gave you emotions
The other calmed your fears
One saw your first sweet smile
The other dried your tears

One gave you up
It was all that she could do
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you

And now you ask me
Through your tears
The age old question
Through the years

Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of
Neither, my darling - neither
Just two different kinds of love
-Author unknown

There are parts of this where the language bothers me (Autumn continues to love Lily; I'm sure of it. And she didn't "give her up," she "placed" her. But, it gives me chills and makes me teary each time I read it. Two different kinds of love. That's it.

4 mo. appt. - Shots are from the devil

I have the absolute saddest baby in the world tonight. She is running a slight fever and has slept almost the entire day after getting home from her shots. She was up for about an hour tonight and was okay for a bit, but then she started whimpering, and it nearly broke my heart! Seriously, I think I might sleep in her room tonight. More for me than for her! :)

Our girl is perfect, though. The doctor was very impressed (which I loved!!!) with how strong she is and said she's leaps and bounds ahead developmentally (of course, of course). :) She is in the 90th percentile for both height and weight. Keep growing, little girl! She is SUCH a ham, too. Whenever anyone talks to her, she smiles and squeals. The doctor could hardly listen to her heartbeat because she was cooing and squealing so much. What a silly Lily! :)

I'm also so happy to hear that other moms and soon to be moms have run away spots, too. I won't tell anyone...don't worry! :)