Woman suing RE for twins from IVF

Have you SEEN this? I love more than anything to watch Morning Joe on MSNBC when I wake up. This morning, I read this on the ticker:

CANBERRA, Australia - An Australian woman who gave birth to twins instead of a single baby after receiving in-vitro fertilization has sued her doctor for the cost of bringing up the second child.
The woman, who cannot be identified because of a court order, is seeking more than 400,000 Australian dollars (US $332,000) to cover the expense of raising one child until age 21.
Testifying in the Supreme Court of the Australian Capital Territory on Tuesday, the 40-year-old mother said she told her doctor, Robert Armellin, that she only wanted one child. But an embryologist under the doctor's supervision implanted two embryos in her uterus, resulting in the birth of non-identical twin girls.
The woman told the court that she and her partner were devastated when they learned she was carrying twins, and had even considered putting one of the babies up for adoption.
She said that while she enjoyed some aspects of her pregnancy, such as decorating the girls' nursery, other parts were distressing, including purchasing a stroller, or pram.
"It was like the last frontier of acceptance to spend hundreds of dollars on a pram," she said.
The couple, whose combined income exceeds A$100,000 (US $82,875), are seeking A$398,000 (US $329,000) to cover the costs of raising one of the girls, including private school fees. They also want around A$15,000 (US $12,427) to compensate them for time off work and medical expenses.


Okay, I can understand being upset if you said specifically to implant just one, but as someone who once prayed and hoped so hard for a baby, I can't IMAGINE suing the doctor because I had twins. And going in for IVF and then wanting to place one for adoption? Why does this make me SO furious? I don't know, but it does. Seriously, I'm so angry about it. It seems so ridiculous to me. I'll adopt your "extra" baby, lady.

Solid Foods - finally SUCCESS:)

I have a hidden bad mommy secret. I didn't want to start Lily on solid foods at all, and I have been very lazy about trying to get her to eat them. We tried a few times with no luck at all - she just had zero interest in it. She turned her nose right up at it. BUT, today it was just like something clicked. I made a tablespoon of rice cereal (a bit thicker than the previous times, which I'm sure helped), and she ate the entire thing. I really think like so many things in life, she just had to be ready for it. It was the greatest, and I had so much fun with it. Here are a few of the obligatory food pics; now that I look at them closely, she looks a bit frightened. :)

Book Review: On Borrowed Wings

I am loving doing these book reviews! The Mother Talk book I have just finished is "On Borrowed Wings" by Chandra Prasad. This is a book I would've chosen for myself off the shelves at any bookstore. The cover is absolutely gorgeous and the premise of a young woman in the 1930's taking on the persona of her deceased brother to enroll at then "males only" Yale is one that would've surely sparked my interest. I love novels with strong female protagonists - they are hard to find. Adele is a bright, sharp, yet sensitive dreamer. She has grown up in a world where marrying someone who works at the local mine is what is expected of her. I loved watching her sense of adventure and longing for more in her life unfold. Prasad has written a lovely coming of age novel.

I will say that the idea of a woman disguising herself as a man (Shakespeare's Rosalind in "As You Like It, Viola in "Twelfth Night") is not a new one, and it is one with which I struggle to suspend my disbelief. The only pause I gave the novel was accepting the idea that any woman could truly impersonate a man so well as to be able to live, sleep, eat, learn, etc. with them and not be discovered. There were also a few scenes that just didn't play well with me. Adele seems to step out of herself a time or two and engages in some things that were strange and uncomfortable to read.

All in all, I did enjoy the novel. The character of Adele is well-written, and as previously mentioned, I always like reading something with a strong female protagonist.

But wait, aren't we still going to try?

Oh, how I wish I had a laptop in the car that I could somehow blog on! I was going crazy last night driving home from my mom's house because I had this great post working in my head. I know it won't come out as well the morning after:)

We were visiting family this weekend and my husband and I had the longest talk about infertility, adoption, and continuing to "try" for a bio baby. I started out talking to him about the post I had previously written detailing the whole aren't you still trying thing. I felt bad when I read Mayhem's comment (NOT because of the comment -I love Mayhem, her blog, and her comments!, but because of what it made me realize.) I have tended to post only the negative comments we've gotten because I let them bother me way too much. At the heart, people aren't trying to be mean - they just can't possibly understand the "stuff" behind what they're saying. I need to try to focus on all the unbelievable support we've had. My mom is my rock. She quite possibly loves Lily as much as I do. My sister, brother, sisters-in-law, mother-in-law - they are all so nuts for our girl. I need to remember how little it matters what some near-stranger thinks or knows about our family. I need to turn my focus toward the fact that six months ago, I had no idea that this beautiful little person was on her way to us. And when (because it will happen) people make stupid comments, I need to respond with all the love that I have in my heart for my daughter.

BUT, that's not really what this post is about:) I started talking to my husband yesterday about the post and about how bad I felt for not posting more positive things sometimes, and he comes out of NOWHERE and says, "Well, aren't we still going to try?" Um....knock me over with a feather. How can it be (and I know you've all been there!) that I spend about 90% of my time with this man but sometimes I have no idea what's going on in that head. We talked and talked...and talked some more about the issue. Here is another thing that is truly behind my complete lack of interest in pregnancy. I would do anything in the world to protect Lily from feeling like she's second best. If she ever felt like she was just part of the "meantime" while we were waiting for a bio child, it would break my heart. Because nothing in the world is farther from the truth. I know lots of families have a combo of adopted and bio kids- my good blog pal Jess is currently mommy to beautiful Ava and has a little one on the way- do you ever worry about that? Is it okay to ask that personal of a question or am I being one of "those" people? :) Maybe it's a great way to teach kids about love and what family truly is - not genetics, but people who love, support, and care about each other. I need to do some more thinking about it. :) I'm excited to read comments about this - I want to know how others feel/deal with it.

And way down deep at the bottom of my psyche - I do not want to open my heart to the pregnancy door again. I don't want to venture into any more pain. I truly have dealt with the grief of accepting I probably won't be pregnant and give birth. I don't want to go down the path of RE visits and shots and drugs and sperm washes and the intense pain of negative pregnancy tests with still only a REMOTE chance of ever conceiving. I can't do it - not when I know in my heart that adoption is the way we are supposed to build our family. My husband totally understood and agreed, and I feel so blessed to be married to this man who loves me and our daughter so completely.

Adoption isn't for everyone, and I feel like it IS the way for us to build our family. And this is not at all intended to knock anyone who disagrees or anyone who has a blended (adopted and bio) family. I think any way a family is built is beautiful! And it's not just so I can be spared the pain of infertility because heaven knows adoption is not pain-free. :) But, adopting Lily has been the best experience of my life. I can't imagine not doing it again. It was one of those experiences you can't fully appreciate until you look back because you're not capable of processing so many intense emotions all at once.

This post is ALL over the place, but I have to end with a few pics from the weekend. My gorgeous nephew is still trying to decide how he feels about Lily. He is so gentle with her, but he doesn't like it much that she gets a bottle and he no longer gets one. He's also not a fan of Lily on his mama's lap! :) But, he pats her so gently on the head and when he comes around a corner and sees her, he gives a little squeal and giggle. According to his mom, he doesn't pay that kind of attention to any of the other babies at church. And she just lights up when she sees him. It's amazing and it totally warms my heart. THAT is what family is! :) Isaiah, if you recall, isn't biologically related to us, either. He and Lily share no blood, but they already "know" and "love" each other (in their own special baby ways!) Finding someone who will also put a tupperware bowl on their head with you - that's family. :)

You're still trying, aren't you?

It's true. We were asked this just yesterday. "You're still trying (for a biological child), aren't you?" Um....well...number one, what a totally personal, invasive question. I really need to come up with snappy retorts, but I just didn't have one. Next time, do I fire back with, "How often do you TRY for a baby?" wink, wink, nudge, nudge....? Second, to me (and yet again it may be my ultra-sensitive nature) it's implying that we're still shooting for the goal, for the ultimate prize of finally conceiving. I already HAVE my ultimate prize - she's a silly round bundle of baby who is currently staring at me like she already knows who runs this house. :) I don't want to fight the adoption fight with every single conversation I have about it, but some things just make me so mad.
For the record, too, and maybe this needs to be part of my snappy retort, for most of us infertiles, there's no real trying outside of a lab or doctor's office. Sorry for the bluntness, but we're not using pills or anything to prevent pregnancy, but that doesn't cause me to ovulate a good egg or magically have a baby start growing some place it probably can't, now does it? When I asked our RE about whether or not I should go on the pill to prevent, she said our chances of ever conceiving (even WITH all their fancy schmancy help) was remote. Remote ain't good. It was also followed with a "but little miracles happen every day." You know what, though? I'm NOT looking to get pregnant. I am very happy with our daughter, and I feel like the right thing for us to do if/when we are ready for a second baby is to adopt him/her, as well. Adoption, for us, is not a consolation prize. I'm all up on my soapbox, but Lily isn't what we did in the meantime while we were secretly waiting and hoping to get pregnant. I don't think there is anything at all wrong with building a family through adoption or bio kids or BOTH - I'm not at all arguing against having a biological child if you've adopted or adopting after you've already had a bio child - what bothers me here is the implication that Lily was a short cut (PLEASE! Short cut my you know what!) to a child while we continue to strive for our "own." Too sensitive - wouldn't be the first time. Idiot asking questions - won't be the last, I'm sure. :)

Oh Happy Day

Most importantly, my wonderful, beautiful blog pal GLouise has just become a mommy. She and her husband have just adopted lovely little Elizabeth. Please go over and wish her congrats; they are going to be wonderful parents, and they have waited and prayed for this little girl for so long.

Next, my silly little Lily has ROLLED OVER!!! She did it three times in her crib yesterday. Isn't it funny the things that fill your heart with joy? You would've thought she cured cancer with the way we were going on and on about it. She's just brilliant! :) The following are two pictures that we took right before the momentous event took place:)

Lastly, I scheduled our final post-placement visit this morning. On Sept. 28th, we will meet with the social worker for the final time. Just one more step toward finalization. Things are pretty sunshine-y this morning!

Cool Mornings

We slept with the windows open last night. That is by far one of my favorite things in the world to do. I love cool nights and mornings where you get to bury under the covers and sleep with just your face out. (and a foot for me...I have to have one foot out of the covers at all times.) :)

I love fall and after the past 20 days of 95+ temps, I am thrilled to have the windows open and feel a cool breeze. We even put Lily in a little sleeper this morning. Look at the cuteness; she looks totally freaked out, doesn't she? :)

Early Morning Ramblings

My little stinker decided that 5:00 am was the exact right time to practice her talking. She loves to babble away to herself in her crib, and I usually cherish the sounds...usually. :) I tried to go back to sleep now that she's snoozing away again, but I keep thinking about things to do, so now I'm up watching Morning Joe on MSNBC and blogging so as to avoid all the things I "have" to do today. (They're doing coverage of the Princess Diana memorial...and may I say that those princes are sure nice looking young men.) :)


I also wanted to vent for a sec about the issue I wrote about a few days ago that we're dealing with concerning my husband's little brother. He had a birthday party on Sunday, and we were really nervous about taking Lily over there after what happened with him taunting her about being adopted and blah, blah, blah. Well, there was none of that this time, but he was SO rough with her. He kept grabbing her arms, and I'd tell him to stop three or more times before he would. We finally just kept her away from him. As we were leaving, she was in her carseat and was admittedly being a touch grouchy ( I would be, too, after being manhandled by an obnoxious kid), and he knelt down and SCREAMED into her face. it freaked her out so bad and took us a few minutes to get her calmed down. I thought my husband was going to put him through a window. It's so upsetting because he is family, but it's to the point where I don't want her anywhere near him. My husband talked to his dad about it, but the entire thing was totally dismissed as "too much sugar." I'm really not so sure. It's a touch too much psycho for me. What do you do when parents won't discipline their kid and it impacts your kid?

In happy "couple" news, Lily spent the night last weekend with her grandparents and gave us a night totally to ourselves. I had nearly forgotten what it was like to dress up and be just me for awhile. It reminded me how important it is to get away for awhile and not to be "mommy" all the time. It's tough for me not to be on Lily-patrol 24/7, but I'm realizing more and more that I need it, my husband needs it, and Lily needs it! I want her to be comfortable with other people, and I want some of my life back. I think we're going to plan a small weekend getaway this fall for our anniversary. I'm really looking forward to it. Any location recommendations?

Picture Post

Sad to say, but there is nothing much new at our house!! Soooo...instead of a fun-filled post, I'm going to leave a few new pics of my girl. She's growing like crazy!!! :) And we wanted to go get her a bumbo seat because she wants to sit up SO bad...but her legs are too chubby to fit. We laughed so hard. :) The box says they fit babies up to 12 months...what do they know!!

Since there's nothing much to comment on here, (other than my daughter's incredible, matchless beauty! :) why don't YOU leave me an update on you in the comment section. What's new? How are things? Fill me in! :)

Open Adoption Article

My good blog pal, GLouise, posted recently about an article found in the LA Times regarding Open Adoption. Before I even get into my thoughts on it, I'm going to link it so you can read for yourself.

Link One



Link Two



Now that you've read it, if you're a prospective adoptive parent you're probably freaked out, and if you're an adoptive parent, you may just be as frustrated as I am. All parents are advocates for their kids. It's an especially tricky path to navigate at times in dealing with adoption. As you know, our adoption is semi-private meaning we do pictures and letters. That is by Autumn's request. If she wanted to see us, I'd be on the first flight. Maybe someday she will.



In reading the article, especially the horribly skewed stats at the end, I can't help but feel that we've all been portrayed incorrectly yet again. I know the reporter did TONS of research on this specific case. I do not doubt that Kendall struggled in dealing with her birth and adoptive mothers. BUT, pinning the blame on the adoption itself is completely wrong. She had a mother-figure in and out of her life for her entire childhood. There were spans of time where her birthmom was completely gone without a word. She didn't call when she said she would and she missed big events she said she'd come to. ANY child with a parental figure who behaves that way might have issues stemming from childhood, in my ever so humble opinion.



Also, the stats at the end....you can skew statistics to say whatever you want them to say. We have no idea what their full study group looks like. Our homestudy was excellent in debunking adoption myths; our social worker just emailed me after reading the article and stated,"one reason it appears that adopted children may have more needs, emotionally and developmentally is that adoptive parents tend to make more money and are more likely to see that if their children have problems they will definitely seek help vs. lower income families who may not have the resources to seek help for their children's problems." Now about the more money bit...well, that's not us :) But, I do agree that as adoptive parents and as people who have endured infertility (for the most part) we are maybe more sensitive to any emotional issues that may arise.



I have one more point to make, and it's not the most "politically correct" thing I've ever said. And I hope very much that it's taken the right way. Birthmoms are amazing, and I am NOT stereotyping; I am sharing my own personal experience. Our first match that fell through was a baby who would've most likely been born addicted to cocaine because his mom was using. I know most birthmoms do NOT use drugs, but I am saying that in that specific situation, if we would have had to eventually have that baby treated for any sort of behavior or emotional disorder or any special need, would it be because he was adopted? Or maybe, just maybe could it be because of the prenatal exposure to cocaine? I DO feel that in saying that 41% of people adopted as infants need therapy for emotional issues and 24% need special education, the extenuating circumstances need to be known (NOT necessarily drug use)! Adoption does not equal a need for special education!



I guess my entire point is that I just wish for once that an article would be done that portrayed adoption in a positive light. There are families who are messed up - biological and adopted. But, adoption doesn't necessarily define a family - it's just the way it is created. Where are the examples of people who were adopted who are happy, well-adjusted people? Because I have a few friends/co-workers who are adopted, and they are incredible, successful people. A few of them have their birthmoms in their lives and a couple don't. Either way, they all are very attached to their adoptive parents, actually they're just their PARENTS. Period.



I hope this comes across well; I don't want to offend anyone at all. I'm not pro or anti open adoption, and I don't think that it's because her birthmom was in her life that Kendall had issues. I think it's because she dealt constantly with the threat of rejection - the article even states that. I just get so tired of adoption stereotypes and nothing but anecdotal evidence to back it up.

I am now linking some articles I've found that debunk all this negativity:

Nature vs. Nurture: A New Look at How Families Work



Good News: Adopted Kids Do Just As Well



Study Disputes Adoption Myths

Good gracious, this has taken me an hour to write because I'm so afraid I'm offending someone:) But, I really think something needs to be said - this article is not a fair representation of our families. I plan to email the reporter immediately, and if you feel as I do, I hope you'll do so, as well.

Happy weekend! :)