New Templates

I need help from you blog-savvy girls. I am so bored with Blogger's templates, and I want a new one! Are there good sites for these that won't get rid of my links? Any recs are greatly appreciated!! :)

Post Placement Letters...yet again

**Update - I appreciate so much every single comment of support, but I want to say a special thank you to Linda for her perspective as a birth mom. It means so much to me to get that point of view. Thanks! :)

I agonize over every single aspect of the post placement packets we sent Autumn. They kill me. I choose each picture so carefully - do I include pictures of us with Lily? What about pictures of her with Santa? Would that make Autumn sad or glad to see that we took her to see Santa? What about pictures of her with other family members?
And then there is the letter. Do I say she's the happiest baby I've ever seen? Would she be glad to know that or sad that she can't experience it? Do I just stick to the basics? She's 25 pounds, 30 inches and loves applesauce and oatmeal? I got tears in my eyes just now typing that. How can I sum up in a few lines what this child is all about? It hurts me a little bit that I know more about her than the woman does who carried her for nine months and gave her the awesome gift of life. I wonder if that bothers Autumn, too. Does she resent that I'm the one telling her about Lily? But then, I am her mother. I do know her better than anyone else. I don't feel bad about that, but I do feel a little guilty writing a light-hearted letter than runs down her vital statistics and closes with a "take care" or "hope you guys are well." I have no idea what she's going through - if she's happy or if these letters even get read. They might get put in a drawer or a closet somewhere for a later date. This is something I never thought I would crave so badly - I want to know that she's okay. I wish I could see her face when she sees the gorgeous, happy, drooly girl that I love so much. It makes me want an open adoption so much - but I know it's her decision. She needs to do what is best for her and her family. All I can do is honor her by being the best mom I can be to our girl and keep praying for Autumn and her family.

Lily's in Time Out

Our silly Lily is all over the place! She doesn't crawl, really - it's more of an inch-worm-ish scoot on her tummy. But, let me tell you, it gets her where she needs to go. Last night, she sat for almost an hour just like this against the living room wall:

It's like she's in time out or something. I laughed so hard at her that she kept looking back at me (as seen above) and giving me looks like, "Mom, leave me alone. I'm very busy." What a silly girl.
In other Lily news, I am still wracking my brain for first birthday party ideas. Anyone been to a great little birthday party and like to share what made it so great? I may just do a princess theme. Yes, I said theme. I know I'm going overboard, but I can't help myself. :)

Hangin' Tough

All you children of the 80's/early 90's....get ready:

From People :

New Kids On The Block Stage Comeback

After months of speculation and rumor, the Kids are coming back. A well-placed source tells PEOPLE exclusively that New Kids On The Block are indeed getting back together. The band's Web site, www.nkotb.com, which had been dormant, is now back up and running in anticipation of the official announcement, which the source says will be made in the next few weeks. The site currently features a television graphic with a fuzzy, flickering photos of NKOTB in their heyday, and a link inviting fans to sign up for info.The boy band, which made legions of tweens swoon in the early '90s, selling more than 50 million albums, became a worldwide phenomenon before calling it quits in 1994. Eighteen years later, they're still "Hangin' Tough." The oldest "Kid," Jonathan Knight, now a real estate developer, will turn 40 later this year. Since the band's demise, former members Donnie Wahlberg, 38, and Joey McIntyre, 35, have seen acting success, while Danny Wood, 38, has worked as a music producer and Knight's brother, Jordan, 37, has continued to record.


I told my husband this morning that he's crazy if he thinks if they tour anywhere near us that I'm not going. Takes me right back to the days plastering pictures of Joey and Jordan on my Trapper Keeper. Tonight, I'm singing Lily to sleep with "Please Don't Go Girl." :)

I need parenting help ASAP. :)

Lily, who up until now has been a world-class napper, is all of the sudden skipping naps. She's just learned to sit up in her crib, so she'll sit back there for an hour or more and not nap. She gets SO tired, which lets me know for sure it's not that she's ready to give up a nap. She yawns and rubs her face and sucks her thumb, but she sits back there and won't lay down. It got to the point yesterday where she fell ASLEEP sitting up. It was the cutest thing ever - she had the crib bumper flower pattern on her forehead because she had slumped forward onto the bumpers. But, it was also the most frustrating thing because she needed to sleep and wouldn't lay down. Is there anything I can do in this situation? Will it just take her a few days to figure out how to lay back down? Isn't it funny how once you get one thing down to a science, something else pops up? :) Literally for us in this case!
I'm not sure if this matters, either, but I think she may be getting her top front teeth in. I really don't want to start any bad habits as far as going in when I need to leave her alone, so any advice would be fantastic!! I've googled it and can't find anything at all about it, so I'm taking that to mean it's not a long-term problem:)

Mommy's Little "Helper"

It seems like it's been awhile since I've posted new Lily pictures. I can't believe she's almost 10 months old already. The time has truly flown by. I'm starting to plan her first birthday party (sniffle, sniffle), and I just may go a bit overboard. But hey, you only turn one once, right? :)

As you can see from the pictures, Miss Lil is a big laundry fan. She also loves it when I run the vacuum. I'm hoping that bodes well for me as far as her doing chores someday. :)

Is everyone infertile or is it just me?

:) Since getting our diagnosis, starting and ending treatments, and adopting Lily, infertile people seem to have come out of the woodwork. Seriously, I can't go anywhere it seems without reading about, talking to, or hearing about someone who is struggling with infertility. Whether it be someone at church or reading about J-Lo in the checkout lines - Is this a growing phenomenon or am I just more sensitive to it now? I'm really do wonder. With all the hormones in our meat and pesticides on our fruits and veggies, are we creating a new generation of people who have trouble getting pregnant?

Now, I am well-aware there are still those obnoxious people who get knocked up just thinking about a baby, but it really does seem to me like it's more and more common. At the wedding this weekend, I was pulled aside by the wife of a friend and she asked me about our situation because she's having trouble getting pregnant. She was trying to be light and make jokes about all the "tricks" to getting pregnant, but the pain was so fresh in her. It really twisted my heart. I wanted so badly to be able to assure her that it would all work out, but that's the thing with infertility - it's impossible to tell someone that. Of course, hearts change and families are grown through IVF and adoption, etc. but until someone is really ready for those steps, it's impossible to tell them going about it the old fashioned way is a sure fire bet. Anyway, she's just really been on my mind for the past few days. I know I've said it before, but isn't it a laugh (or cry depending on the day) to think about all the money WASTED on birth control? I could be in Mexico right now if I'd saved it! :)

Goin' to the Chapel

NO, not me! :) We are getting ready to travel to one of my husband's best friend's wedding. Miss Lily is staying home with her grandma. It's not the first weekend we've been away from her, but it's the first in quite some time, and I am SO READY! :) It's funny how things like taking a long bath, painting your toe nails, and sleeping until you wake up rather than being woken up by a 9 month old alarm clock seem like a luxury!

I have one tiny issue that's eating at me, so I'm going to write about it here and hopefully expel it from my thoughts. My sister-in-law is trying to get pregnant. It's awful, but hearing that made the green monster rear it's ugly head. Then, she told me how it's already been two months, and so she went out and bought a month's supply of ovulation predictors. And should they be more careful about when they're "together" and should she do things like prop her hips up. I wanted to SCREAM. I hate all of that stuff; I hate it. Heaven help me, it was all I could do to maintain. TWO MONTHS!! Come on! But, I was so proud - I told her how I know it becomes all consuming and that each month feels like an eternity. I denied the part of me that really wanted to grab all those OPKs and stomp on them. Or grab her prescription pre-natal vitamins and flush them all down the toilet.

Happy Friday, blog pals! Hope you have a great weekend. And if you want to flush some pre-natals or stomp on some ovulation predictors, I'm with ya. :)

Today, I'm just a mom

What an incredible weekend/end of the week last week. I watched our community through blogs and through sites like thenest.com blow up in response to the Tyra show. People sent emails, letters, posted on other sites - it was amazing to see. I'm always, always floored by our ability to unite. It's so rare to find a group of women willing to go to bat for each other without question. We're all joined by this horrible thing, but through it, I've found so many great friends and have been so inspired by each one of you.

In the beginning of our struggle with infertility, our issues really came to define me. I wasn't a wife or a teacher or a daughter or sister, I was a woman battling infertility. Then, I became a prospective adoptive parent. I was searching for an agency, trying to choose ethically, wading through the paperwork and asking questions of myself and of my marriage as to what we could take on as far as health concerns, birth mother drug use, etc. It became all consuming. After Lily, I became an adoptive parent. I read everything I could get my hands on about transracial adoption, parenting adopted children - I worried, I'll be honest with you, about bonding with her at first. I thought all the time about her birth family (and still do), and there was a great deal of guilt that I felt while parenting her. I hoped I'd make the right decisions, and I worried ceaselessly over every minute detail. Don't get me wrong, I was over the moon for her immediately, but so many feelings came along with it.

I have days now where it never even crosses my mind that Lily was adopted. It, in fact, startles me sometimes because I feel like she did come from me. She was a labor of love - though not in the traditional sense. Most days now, I'm just a mom. I'm Lily's mom. I'm not defined by my infertility, even though it's something that will shape how our family is created. I'm not defined by my status as an adoptive parent, though it is something of which I am intensely proud. I'm finding that I have lost the timidity and nervousness with which I parented early on. Maybe all new moms go through this - maybe it has nothing at all to do with adoption. All I know is that I feel finally secure and confident in being Lily's mom. And I love that.

Of course, ask me tomorrow and it could be a whole new ball game. That's how this parenting thing works, isn't? The second you're confident, they throw something new at ya! :)

"Mom Wannabe"

Mel posted today about this upcoming call for guests to be on Tyra Banks' upcoming show called "Mom Wannabe." I am beyond sickened by this:

DO YOU KNOW A WOMAN OBSESSED WITH BECOMING PREGNANT?
Do you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom? Have you seen and heard her struggle for years, felt her unvoiced jealously and seen her desperation first hand? Have you watched silently for too long as she gets her hopes up only to be disappointed and heartbroken when she can’t conceive? Has she tried extreme methods and spent a lot of money to get pregnant with no luck? Do you want to finally tell her she needs to stop the emotional and physical stress on her body and seriously consider adoption or a surrogate alternative? If you know a woman who is obsessed with becoming a mom and getting pregnant, then SUBMIT BELOW. (source: http://tyrashow.warnerbros.com/beontheshow/mom_wannabe.html)

Are you kidding me? "unvoiced jealousy?" How dare anyone try to tell any woman who has experienced infertility that she needs to "stop the emotional...stress on her body?" This is appalling. I filled out the submission form, and I have no idea if anyone will read it, but there was no way I could let this go without saying something. Is there anything else that can be done? Contacting Warner Bros. maybe? If anyone comes up with anything, keep me in the loop. This is just disgusting.