Seriously with the teething

It's a nightmare!! I feel like it's all I blog about, but it's insane! She's now getting all four of her first molars at the same TIME. Her top two have poked through, but the gums are still all puffy and read. The bottoms are just these huge swollen lumps. My poor girl!! She's still in really good spirits, but she's sleeping like crazy. Last night, she was asleep at 7:00 and didn't wake up this morning until 10. I was so excited when I woke up at 8 and she was still sleeping. Still excited to have a cup of coffee while it was still hot. But, then as the clock kept ticking, I got nervous that she wasn't making any noise. So, at 10, I opened her door and wouldn't you know that woke her up. She was perfectly fine; just sleepy! Then, she napped from 1:30-4:30!! And she's back asleep now at 7:30. I'm not complaining, mind you, I cleaned the entire house today and started a new book! :) And now she's asleep in plenty of time for Mommy to watch The Bachelorette. :) But, I do feel sad for her and her little gums!

The PT is coming again tomorrow to make the final assessment about whether or not Lily qualifies for the First Steps program. I'm betting unless they find something seriously wrong with her muscles, she won't qualify. She has to be behind in at least one other area to qualify, and there's no way she is. This girl talks up a storm! She is starting to have conversations, and it's the coolest thing. When I leave the room and come back she says, "Where'd you go?" (more like "where go", but still!) and puts her hands up in a questioning pose:) I tried this afternoon to get her to walk holding my hands and she said, "NO WAY" and plopped herself down. NO WAY. Are you kidding me? That's my sassy girl. :)

My favorite thing about blogging

This is going to be one of "those" super sentimental and touchy feely posts, but I can't help it. Do you know what my absolute favorite thing about being part of this blog community is? It's not being able to vent, although that's fantastic and it's not even having the incredible support of fellow infertiles. I feel like it is the absolute biggest honor to be able to watch families being created. We all have a hard road to get there and no matter how our families come to be, it's so amazing to get to journey through it together and then see these beautiful children added to our group whether through adoption or treatments. (or all of you who got pregnant because you FINALLY relaxed. I'm rolling my eyes with sarcasm, just so you know) It may sound crazy, but I have such a special place in my heart for all the babies of all my Internet pals. And I consider it quite a privilege to get to read about their milestones and the funny things they do and getting to see them grow up right in front of my eyes - it's really fantastic, and I wouldn't trade it.

I have the urge to just list every one of our miracle babies right here, but I know my husband would kill me because he is making dinner tonight (NO JOKE!), and honestly, that's just not something I'm willing to be late for:) So, please give your babies an extra love from me and know I'll be doing the same from you to my silly Lily, and thank you so much for letting me witness the creation of your family or the journey you're still taking to get to your baby. It's truly incredible.

First PT appt

It was a total joke.  I really am starting to wish I had gone with my gut and been firm that Lily is fine and she'll walk when she wants to.  Really, this service is for children with severe disabilities and I hate feeling like I'm wasting their time.  The social worker asked us tons of question like, "Can she sit by herself?" while watching her crawl and pull up and walk along the couch.  I know it's part of her job, but come on! :)  I think we're going to go ahead and have the physical therapist come out and look at her legs, but I know there's nothing wrong.  And today (because she wants to make her mommy look like a total nut case who panics about nothing), Lily took a step.  It wasn't walking by any means, but she put a foot out and put her weight on it.  She then collapsed and put a piece of lint from the floor into her mouth.  I'm so proud. :)

Worth how many words?

Priceless!  This girl is turning into the biggest ham ever.  She "cheeses" for the camera and flirts ridiculously with anyone who wants to take her picture.  The last one is her bending down to "hide" from me.  She shoots up and says "BOO."  It's so funny.  And the one with her under the TV tray...she just decided she wanted to hang out there for awhile.  She sat under there for awhile and decided to put her feet up.  She looks like I've bothered her by taking a picture:)  And the first two...those are just Lily in all of her sweetness.  She loves to swing and she loves to smile.  AND I was right about her bigger teeth coming in!  Her first molars are starting up.  And her gums are SOOO swollen.  Poor girl!  We're staying on top of the Motrin:)

No news on the walking front; we have our first consult with the PT tomorrow.  However, since her appt. Friday, she's now showing interest in walking and will do so holding just one of my hands, which is a vast improvement from not showing any interest at all last week.  Like I said, I know it's just that she's going to do it in HER time.   And like any good woman, she's taking her sweet time! :)

15 month check up - this is why parenting is so hard

We had Lily's 15 month check up today. She is 25 lbs (same weight since 9 months! :) and she is far ahead of the cognitive norms. We had to laugh when the dr asked us if she says more than 5 words:) She's a chatter box!

However, she still isn't walking. And he wasn't concerned about that until he checked her legs. He said her not walking worries him now because she's lacking muscle tone in her legs. It's not that she's not strong because she can stand and she cruises around our furniture. But, he recommended that we contact our local first steps office to have a therapist see her. I'm not going to lie, even typing that here, I feel teary again. I am sure it's nothing and I know so many parents go through so much worse with their children, but this is my baby. And it hurts my heart that there's something wrong with her beautiful legs. I need to keep it in perspective and feel good that we can get her check out and have some therapy to get her moving. And our doctor said it could also just be that she's not interested, but he just doesn't want her to miss a "developmental window." If you ask me, I'm still sure that it's just that she's not interested. She does what she wants when she wants to - from day one. She had zero interest in solid foods until she decided she wanted them and she crawled very late because she was too busy reading her books and doing more learning-centered activities. But I know it won't hurt to have a little physical therapy. I made sure with the center that this isn't something that would follow her through school because they told me they have to create a "file" for her. As a former teacher, I know all to well that once kids are labeled with any sort of disability, it's very tough to break out of that, unfortunately.

I'm going to finish with the other high note; she didn't cry even a little through her TB test! What a big girl:) Okay, so she howled like a crazy woman during the other two shots, but she braved that TB test like a champ! :) Thanks in advance for reading. I always know I can come here and vent and get my feelings out and feel supported by you guys.

**Update:  I've been researching babies with poor leg muscle tone like crazy and it seems to be really common.  In fact, the more I research, Lily isn't even a late walker yet - not until 18 months do they deem them late.  So, I'm thinking this is hopefully nothing at all and that the PT will just tell us she'll do it when she's darn well ready! :)

Part-Time Jobs and Technorati ??s

My husband works as an adjunct professor, which means he makes all of his money in the fall and spring.  So here we are in early summer, and I'm thinking, "What happened to all of our income?"  :)  It's not that extreme, really, but with both of us home so much,  I'm really kind of wanting to pursue some sort of part time work.  In a perfect world, it would be something I could do from home (hello get rich quick schemes:) and that would use my degree/talents, which is a Masters in English.  I'm at a total loss, though.  Do any of you work from home or have outside part time jobs? Do you enjoy getting out and making some money or do you feel pulled from home?  I love being an at home parent, but with Lily getting older and with my husband home so much, I feel like I have some time to do something extra.  Any input is much appreciated. 

ALSO, does anyone use technorati?  Someone told me to list the blog on it, but I dont' "get" it at all. :)  I'm so bad!  Is it to drive more traffic to the blog?  Again, help a girl out. :)

What a wierdo post! :)

Go Get a Frosty!

We're going to be out of town this weekend visiting family, so unless something earth shattering happens that I cannot contain myself about, this'll be my last post until Monday:) But I had to remind you to go to Wendy's this weekend and get a Frosty!! They're super yummy PLUS the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is amazing and this weekend, they donate 50 cents from every Frosty purchase to the Foundation. It's a wonderful and yummy cause, so spread the word! Happy Father's Day to all the daddies and someday daddies out there! :)

A New Day

I can't thank you enough for your kind words and support in my previous post. Just knowing I'm not alone in my occasional worry and fear makes me feel so much better. And I truly hope I didn't scare any of you potential adoptive parents. Nothing has ever been as beautiful and miraculous as my Lily Grace. I wouldn't change one single thing on our journey here because then she wouldn't be who she is. So, yes, adoption can be scary, but isn't parenthood in general? I highly recommend reading through some of the comments posted below. I can't tell you how helpful and encouraging they were for me!

As promised, I'm posting a few new great pics to set a happier, less stressful tone around here:)

And this last one; whenever I need a reminder of what "mommy" means and how worth any pain or stress being Lily's mommy is, I'll look at it.

Honesty **with updates

I had a kind of heart stopping moment today. I was playing with Lily (we just bought her her very first baby doll and she is so in love with it! She hugs it and says, "Bah-beee" (baby) - it's really the cutest thing ever), and it hit me that she has no clue that I didn't give birth to her. I mean, obviously, she doesn't get any of that yet, but for some reason it nearly stopped my heart because she doesn't know yet. It almost brought tears to my eyes because I had a moment of sheer understanding of why people don't tell children they're adopted. Please, PLEASE don't get me wrong - we are so proud to be a family through adoption and there is absolutely no chance of that happening here nor do I want it to, but I felt in that split second grief that she didn't come from me. Does that make any sense? Obviously, if I had given birth to her, she wouldn't be who she is - and obviously, I wouldn't change even one thing, but I can't describe any better the feeling of sadness that came over me. And it really was just for that second - I rarely even think of her being adopted - it's just the way our family was made. She is my daughter and that's the end of it, but I wish I could put into words what I felt. Maybe I'm not alone here and someone can say it better than I could.

When I'm really 100% honest with myself and here on this blog, as comfortable as I am with adoption and how proud I am to be a mommy through adoption, I have moments of panic. I feel very vulnerable even writing that here, but it's true. I have moments of worry that I won't tell her about her adoption the right way. How do you begin introducing it? We have "Tell Me Again About the Night I Was Born," and she has a lifebook...are those the places to start? And my greatest fear is that she will resent it. I know that's silly and not worth even giving ideas like that my time, but I can't help it. I know the statistics; I know there are some adoptees who struggle with being adopted. I have moments where I wish it was just easy. I wish I was just her mom and that I didn't have to worry about telling her she was placed because you know no matter how well you tell it, there will be some grief on her part. And I'm ready for that and okay with it, but it's still hard. And I am terrified - absolutely terrified that she won't see me as her mom. I hate even typing that, but when I'm 100% honest, it's a real fear of mine. I know I need to get over it, but I love her so much that I can't even imagne something like that. I think, though, that all moms - no matter how they became moms - feel that way.

Man, this is a rough post, and I really hope it came out the right way, but like I said, I have needed to vent and a safe place to express some difficult feelings, so here they are. Lucky you guys, right? :) I promise I'll ease the pain of this one with a picture post or something equally cute tomorrow:) I'm really nervous to hit publish because I feel like some of things I've said here may not come out right. Give me the benefit of the doubt and be kind, okay? :)

***I've found it! Gretchen put it perfectly in the first comment. It's overwhelming to think about the potential for grief and pain in our children. But you know what? That's true for ANY parent and ANY child. Thanks for helping me find the words, Gretchen! :)

Can't.Take.The.Heat.

Imagine me dragging my hot (temp wise!), tired body across the floor while I say that:)  It is miserably hot here!! And guess whose AC wasn't in commission for about three hours this afternoon?  Yep, mine.  I know this is going to sound very, very spoiled, but I don't know how people made it through the summers without air conditioning.  Luckily, everything got fixed very quickly, but the house still hasn't cooled back off...probably because it was in the 90s here today.  I actually got in the tub with Lily tonight just to cool off.  She thought it was pretty funny. :)

In other Lily news, she is working on her NINTH tooth!!! She has all four up top and about 3 1/4 up on the bottom and now her fifth one is coming in on top.  It's non-stop teething around here.  We also had our first major diaper blow out yesterday.  I know you all wanted to know that:)  I consider us very, very lucky to have made it this far, but it was HORRIBLE!! Stupid me, she had been constipated so I gave her straight up apple juice....not good.  Not good at all.  She is the girliest little thing, too, she gets upset by poop:)  Too much info and she'll kill me someday when she reads this, but I can't help myself; it really is the funniest thing.  Anytime she goes, she comes straight over to me and says "hi...Hi...HI!!"  progressively louder.  Seriously, she needs changed immediately. :)  My nephew could play all day long in a dirty diaper and never care.  My girly girl knows the deal!!   Still no walking...she'll stand up by herself as long as you want her to, but when I try to get her to step, she shakes her head and says very matter-of-factly "no, no." Not sassy or anything, just letting me know how she feels about it :)  

Hope everybody's staying cool.  My husband's watching the NBA playoffs, so I'm off to waste some time playing word games on facebook.  It's too, too addictive. :)